Funny jokes...

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by Chilbuli Imli, Jul 5, 2006.

  1. Chilbuli Imli

    Chilbuli Imli Senior IL'ite

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    The prime Minister of <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:eek:ffice:smarttags" /><st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">China</st1:place></st1:country-region> called President Bush to console him after the attack on the Pentagon: "I'm sorry to hear about the attack. It is a very big tragedy. But, just in case, you are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of everything."
    ----------------------------------
    Musharraf calls Bush on 11th sept: Musharraf: Mr President, I would like to express my condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great bldgs... I would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with that........ Bush: What buildings? What people?? Musharraf: What time is it in <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">America</st1:place></st1:country-region> now? Bush: It's eight in the morning. Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour!
    ----------------------------------
    Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?" The barman says "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks over and says, "Hello, what are you guys doing?" Bush says, "We're planning world war 3" The guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?" And Vajpayee says, "Well, we're going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman." And the guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman?!!!" Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, "See, I told you no-one would worry about the 14 million Pakistanis!"
    ----------------------------------
    Q: What do you call "1 Pakistani on the moon"? A: Problem...
    Q: What do you call "10 Pakistanis on the moon"? A: Problem...
    Q: What do you call "100 Pakistanis on the moon"? A: Problem...
    Q: What do you call "ALL the Pakistanis on the moon"? A: ...... Problem Solved!!!!!



    Q - What is the Difference between Mother & Wife? A - One Woman
    Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures U Continue to do so.
    *******************************************************************
    How can SantaSingh Kill a Lion? SantaSingh thinks N thinks hard &
    comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. <?xml:namespace prefix = v ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:vml" /><v:shapetype id=_x0000_t75 stroked="f" filled="f" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" o:preferrelative="t" o:spt="75" coordsize="21600,21600"><v:stroke joinstyle="miter"></v:stroke><v:formulas><v:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @0 1 0"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @2 1 2"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0"></v:f></v:formulas><v:path o:connecttype="rect" gradientshapeok="t" o:extrusionok="f"></v:path><o:lock aspectratio="t" v:ext="edit"></o:lock></v:shapetype><v:shape id=_x0000_i1025 style="WIDTH: 11.25pt; HEIGHT: 11.25pt" alt="" type="#_x0000_t75"><v:imagedata o:href="http://www.indusladies.com/forums/images/smilies/icon_smile.gif" src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\faridaj\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\01\clip_image001.gif"></v:imagedata></v:shape><v:shape id=_x0000_i1026 style="WIDTH: 11.25pt; HEIGHT: 11.25pt" alt="" type="#_x0000_t75"><v:imagedata o:href="http://www.indusladies.com/forums/images/smilies/icon_smile.gif" src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\faridaj\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\01\clip_image001.gif"></v:imagedata></v:shape><v:shape id=_x0000_i1027 style="WIDTH: 11.25pt; HEIGHT: 11.25pt" alt="" type="#_x0000_t75"><v:imagedata o:href="http://www.indusladies.com/forums/images/smilies/icon_smile.gif" src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\faridaj\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\01\clip_image001.gif"></v:imagedata></v:shape>
    *******************************************************************
    A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married; Guess
    what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.
    *******************************************************************
    Wife: Honey...... What are you looking for? Husband: Nothing. Wife:
    Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour...??
    Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
    *******************************************************************
    SantaSingh: O Banno Car ki speed itani kyon badha di..? biwi: Oji
    Car ki break fail ho gayi hai, Accident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai.

    --------------------------------------------------------
    "Help.... the Titanic is going to be drowned...."Everybody in the ship is shouting, crying, running or praying to God...
    Just then a Italian asks the nearby Sardarji in the ship.
    Italian : How far is land, from here ?
    Sardarji : Two miles .
    Italian : Only two miles, Then why are these fools making noise. I have
    got the experience of swimming even more. The Italian jumps off the
    ship into the sea and comes up to the layer to ask something again.
    Italian : Just tell me which side, is land two miles from here ?
    Sardarji : Downwards .....

    --------------------------------------------------------
     
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  2. Chilbuli Imli

    Chilbuli Imli Senior IL'ite

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    funny jokes cont.

    A sardar was very fond of sensational and detective novels, but he
    always started reading from the middle. A friend of his asked why he did
    so?" It'z doubly interesting", said the Sardar.
    "TO start from the middle keeps one curious not only about it conclusion but also about its beginning.
    ------------------------------------------------------------
    A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate
    Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth.
    In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
    1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
    2. How many seconds are there in a year?
    The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...
    1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
    2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
    Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though
    it's not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct.

    But how did you get only 12 seconds in a year?"
    The Sardar replied,
    "Well,January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc...."

    Saint Peter lets him in without another word
    -----------------------------------------------------

    Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final examination which consists of Y/N type questions. He takes his seat in the Examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Y for Heads and N for Tails. Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The invigilator,alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
    "Oye, I finished the exam in half an hour". "But yaar", he says," I am rechecking my answers."
     
  3. Chilbuli Imli

    Chilbuli Imli Senior IL'ite

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    continue...

    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:eek:ffice:smarttags" /><st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Delhi</st1:place></st1:City> to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The Sardar says, "I want my 20 lakhs. The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you one lakh today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 weeks."
    The Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it." Again, the man explained that he would only get a lakh that day and the rest during the next 19 weeks. The Sardar, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my 20 lakhs right now, then I want my five rupees back!"
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a Sardarji, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer.
    When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, "Who
    Killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without hesitation "The
    Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left. When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the same question. He replied
    Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left. Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview; he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying, "Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said, "OK, but get back to me tomorrow." When the Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked "How was the interview?" Pat came the reply, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a
    murder."
    -------------------------------------------------------------------

    Santa and Banta Singh were bitter enemies. Santa lived on the 1<SUP>st</SUP> and Banta on the 7th floor of the same building. One day the lift was out of order and Banta Singh decided to play a trick on Santa and called him for dinner to his house at 7:30 pm. So Santa huffing and puffing manages to reach the 7th floor. To his dismay he finds a big lock on the door and a message - 'HA HA ULLU BANA DIA!' Santa is angry but thinks a lot and finally writes his reply below Banta's message - 'MAIN TO YAHAN AAYA HI NAHIN THA!!'
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    There was a Sardarji who was down on his luck. In order to raise some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've
    kidnapped you." The Sardarji then wrote a note saying: "I've kidnapped your kid.
    Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag & put it beneath the Mango tree next to the slide on the north side of the city play ground". Signed, "A Sardarji". The Sardarji then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the Sardarji checked, and sure enough a paper bag was sitting beneath the mango tree. The Sardarji opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note saying, "How could you do this to a fellow Sardarji?!"
    -----------------------------------------------------------------
    There's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. All the sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing and general balle balle' is on. The people on the street find it strange that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its a marriage baarat. So one of them asks Santa Singh, "Singh saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">gaya</st1:place></st1:City> hai aur aap naach raheho?" ...... Comes the reply, "Ha ji ! Hai hi baat bade khushi ki!!! Aaj paheli baar ek sardar *brain* tumour se mara hai !!!!"

    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    In a party one of Zail Singh's friends asked him how many chappathis he could eat in an empty stomach. Zail replied "Seven". Then his friend told him "When U eat the first chappathi your stomach is no longer empty. Then how can U eat seven ??". Zail was impressed by this tricky question. So as soon as he went back home he asked his wife " How many chappathis can you eat in an empty stomach ??".
    She replied "Five". Then Zail told " ****!! If only you had told seven I had a nice reply for it"
    -----------------------------------------------------------------
    Santa singh and Banta singh were always boasting of their parents achievements to each other. Santa singh : Have you ever heard of the <st1:place w:st="on">Suez Canal</st1:place>? Banta singh : Yes, I have. Santa singh : Well, my father dug it.
    Banta singh : That's nothing, have you ever heard of <st1:place w:st="on">Dead Sea</st1:place>?
    Santa singh : Yes, I have.
    Banta singh : My father killed it!!!!
    ------------------------------------------------------------------
    Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate "Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese." "How come you write "Chinese" when Both parents are Sikh?" "Aah, Because Sardarji read a newspaper, and it says that every 4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese."


    Beppo Singh returns from his first day at school and immediately questions his father." Dad, today we had a Spelling Class - All the other kids could only say half the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that because I am Sardar?"
    "No son, that's because you are intelligent. " Beppo seeming content with the answer, asks his father another question, "Dad, today we had Math class - All the other kids could only count from 1-10, I could count from 1 to 20. Is this because I am Sardar ??" "No son, that's because you are intelligent," replies his father. Happy with the answer, Beppo poses another question to his father, "Dad, today we had Medical Examination, all the other boys were shorter than me, I was atleast twice their height. Is that because I am Sardar ??"
    The father replies, "No son, that's because you are 31 years old."
     
  4. Chilbuli Imli

    Chilbuli Imli Senior IL'ite

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    Laugh louder

    Bad Memory
    One day sardarji was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor of a building when a man came running in to his office and shouted "Beppo Singh, your daughter Preeto just died in an accident" Beppo Singh was in panic. Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office window while coming down when he was near the tenth floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named preeto.
    When he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married. When he was about to hit the ground he remembered he was not Beppo Singh.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Once a Hindu, Muslim and our dear Beppo Singh are standing when a Britisher comes and asks "Hey guys what are your favorite flowers?
    Hindu: "Lotus"
    Britisher: "Ha I use it as toilet paper everyday !"
    Hindu is surprised and angry as lotus being national flower.
    Muslim: "Chameli"
    Britisher: "Ha I use it as toilet paper everyday !"
    Muslim also surprised and angry.
    Britisher: "Sardarji and what is your favorite flower?"
    Patriotic Beppo: "CACTUS! ab kar le saaf."
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    BEPPO SINGH'S MOTHER DIED. Beppo Singh: (crying) the doctor called, my mother is dead. Friend: condolence, my friend. After 2 minutes Beppo Singh cries even louder Friend: what now? Beppo Singh: my sister just called, her mother died too!

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    The Mail
    Santa Singh was relaxing in his front yard when his neighbor, Beppo Singh came out of the house and went straight to the mail-box. He opened it, then slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house. A little later he came out of his house and again went to the mail-box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house he went. As Santa Singh was getting ready to go back inside, Beppo Singh came out again, marched to the mail-box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by his actions Santa asked, "Is something wrong?" To which Beppo Singh replied, "Oye! There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!"

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Beppo Singh is appearing for his University final examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit.
    The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
    Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar," he says, " it says here, 'Answer the following questions in brief'.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Beppo Singh and Banta Singh were discussing how they would like to die.
    Beppo said, "When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep. I dont want to die screaming like some of his friends, who also died at the same time."
    Banta asked, "How did his friends die screaming while your grandfather died sleeping peacefully?" Beppo Singh replied, "His friends were the passengers in the car he was driving. :clap
     

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