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Fuming Today....:(

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by anika987, Jan 2, 2020.

  1. Anbhu

    Anbhu Silver IL'ite

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    In India at least 50% of girls would have gone through similar situations. Berating out of jealous by a relation or close circle is not uncommon. In this internet era all one need is commitment and few hundred dollars to prove your self. Others have already suggested about teaching jobs. Getting baby sitting license is also another option. Some schools and communities offer free classes, may guide how to get license. you can easily earn good amount.

    If you want to get into IT, Udemy has plenty of courses for less bucks to learn the basics. Search the top technologies being hired in your area, sign up a course, learn in and out. There are people giving classes from India, who can help when ever you are stuck. For example learn basics of web development from Udemy, create a portfolio with help from online tutor. They will be able to guide you to design and develop quality web designs. With this try to get an entry level job. Seems like you do not have a visa restrictions. Proving one self at this age and era has nothing to do with not working hard in studies at age 10. Someone who wants to prove themselves will never come up with reasons for not doing so. Let us see how much progress you make in 6 months.

     
    Rihana, anika987 and Sunshine04 like this.
  2. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    I have been reading all your replies and actually am stumped..all of you were genuinely concerned and I really don’t know what to say..feeling a bit overwhelmed.

    My mind resonates all your thoughts.

    Problem is my heart.I am not able to be completely immune to their comments.

    Maybe as you guys said..my relatives could be jealous.

    Them and generic people make two minute comments and I get affected.

    If I buy something nice for myself..They are like” you are only a housewife.Free all the time.Wasting his money”..I am not lying.I was told this.

    I never until now brought some of the stuff I always wanted to.

    Problem is..I get affected by their rude comments..that’s the crux.For that..I need to develop better confidence in me.


    Some of the things I have changed is..

    1) stopped talking much less with them.
    2) Cut off all the toxic friendships and that’s the biggest gift I gave myself.Will do a thread about it later:) cannot cut of these toxic relatives unfortunately.
    3) Fitness passion is my best friend.It has always boosted my mood and kept my health chart in check.I workout more for emotional strength and not just physical.I want to do a thread about fitness and what worked for me and help out.Will do it soon.
    4) For my family..I never stopped doing the things that am supposed to.I try to give my best.I don’t let my mood swings disturb them.

    I really have to start changing myself and be more immune to rude people.
     
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2020
    Needtobestrong likes this.
  3. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Start a thread on how to block toxic relatives. I too need suggestions :cheer:
     
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  4. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Relatives I have kind of created a distance.Unfortunately had to set those boundaries..we were all close when younger.How things and people change!!!

    With toxic friendships..I did and it was a big help for myself.I will surely start a thread soon.
     
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2020
    CuteCancer and Sunshine04 like this.
  5. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Gold IL'ite

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    It's good if you are making positive changes one by one..
    Can you post that fitness thread soon? I need it...I have to reduce 7 kg atleast...im stuck in weight loss plateau and couldn't reduce...will be grateful if I can reduce even 2 or 3 kg by your guidance..
    I bet you have a fantastic figure due to your regular workouts and can make even twenties or thirties women something look like aunties!! Hehe.
     
  6. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    The best answer to other people who try to put you down is being happy and living your life to the fullest...
    All these jealous people will fume with envy when you do so...
    First step is learning to accept ones own life
    Never compare our life with others...
    Develop an I don't care attitude to all those poking questions.
    If some of them give you advice on how to live your life or why you dont work or why you buy those things etc...
    Best answer is giving a smile like you understood their intentions and ignore. Sometime not replying is the best reply.

    Or given answer like I am happy the way I am this is what I like or prefer. Thank you for your concern, then smile.

    Some rude ones understand only when they get the same taste of medicine . As a last option you can say, thank you for your concern but you should mind your own business or you should not waste time thinking about my life..[ I dont suggest it but sharing my thoughts]

    Not everyone is happy for others happiness or success or comfortable life style..be happy with what we have and try to improve it..

    So OP, develop a thick skin...count your blessings..find your passion and try to find a career in that.. do something you enjoy. Maintain distance from all those negative people.

    All these things are possible only when you heal yourself, recover your self esteem and confidence... be positive
     
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2020
    Mehana, Sunshine04 and sindmani like this.
  7. EightKittens

    EightKittens Silver IL'ite

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    I would be truly glad if anything I said here helps you even a tiny little bit. Because one day someone had helped me. And it's the principle of paying it forward.

    And you remind me so much of my mother. She has dealt with similar issues all her life.

    Oh they absolutely are! There's no maybe about it. They can't stand to see you have a happy married life after all they did to you all those years. So they are trying to destroy it. It's up to you to not let them succeed.

    I would have cussed someone like that out. Seriously. Like I want to, right now. On your behalf. Who do they think they are??? Why do you tolerate this BS? Why would you allow anyone to disrespect you like this? How dare they? Seriously!!! What right do they have to say even a single word to you about anything at all.

    It's your family's money. It's your money. Your husband doesn't work all day for them. He works for your family. Him, and you, and your child. You have every right to buy every darn thing you want. Who are they to decide how your family uses it's resources. And why would you even tell them anything???? Hell, show it off! You don't need a job. You need a back bone. And a voice. If you are on the east coast hit me up, and let's go on a crazy shopping spree.

    I suggested in my last comment that you should see a therapist/ counselor. Please consider that suggestion seriously. You need some external help with building your self-esteem. It's not very easy to work on it all by yourself when you've been treated so badly all your life. And you don't have to. You are in the US. There is absolutely no taboo here with seeking help. And seriously f**k the a**h***s who say otherwise. Btw I hope the swearing doesn't offend you. It's just that this whole thing is making me so angry on your behalf. You should try getting angry sometimes too. Stand up for yourself. And demand respect for yourself. Unfortunately, one of the things about the world that I learnt the hard way is that if you don't stand up for yourself, people will walk all over you.

    It takes a lot of strength and mental effort to change these patterns that have been built up over the years. And culture and family have a very strong hold on our hearts and psyche. It might be very useful to have someone to help you and guide you as you navigate the process. And it would also help you to keep things balanced with your husband and child, so that they don't end up facing the burnt of all the excess of emotions as your learn to change things.

    Btw, you might even think about doing something with your passion for fitness. Look at all the fitness blogs by American stay-at-home moms. I'd love to see a well managed fitness/ health blog or website from an Indian person that addresses things that are more relevant to our body types.

    Best of luck! Stay Strong!
     
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  8. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Sure will start fitness thread soon:)
     
  9. Caughtinbetween

    Caughtinbetween Finest Post Winner

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    me too looking forward to your thread on fitness .
    I have got a huge lot to lose , but to begin with even single digit kilos are not bad either :)
    i badly lack discipline when it comes to diet and exercise , so want to fix this for myself .
    i dont know why after baby , I just couldnt go back to it yet.
     
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  10. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Hi started a thread “the power of fitness”..check it out:)
     

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