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Frustrated Mom Of Preschooler

Discussion in 'Toddlers' started by Bubbles, Apr 17, 2019.

  1. Bubbles

    Bubbles Silver IL'ite

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    This is part vent and part seeking advice...

    The terrible threes are here...and it's making a monster out of mommy!
    Flashback : Mommy is pleasant, kind, encouraging, manages to get LO do things without having to raise her voice (firm but never scolding/shouting)... LO loves being around mommy, and we have a lot of fun together even in mundane things..
    It's all undone now.. I get so stressed and worked up and can't talk to my kid for 15 min without raising my voice at her...
    Everything needs to be done by LO only - "Don't help me", goes her refrain. So now I threaten to help her if she doesn't do something.. (note to self : need to change this tactic).
    She has to do everything herself. And she will take her own sweet time. That's 15 minutes to wash hands (The soap water everything is a fascination). Refusing to get up from potty - "I'm not done". Wont wipe, won't let me wipe. Finally I do it for her (after 10 minutes of escalating instructions) amidst her screams of dont do it.
    It takes 1.5 hours every morning to get her ready to preschool - when I constantly keep at her (eventually raising my voice) AND feed her. This is just to brush, wash, eat, change..! And this after her first 30 min post wake up of refusing to wake up, or go potty or drink water...
    It is sooooo stressful..

    The 2-3 hours she's with me post-preschool, again exhausting. The same refusals. Will not snack, will not eat or drink anything, will not wash hands, will not put the coat in it's place.. nor let me do it....and if I sit down for a breather, will come searching for me :hearteyes: and then start jumping on me or playing (pulling) my hair.:rage:

    She is not a bad kid - and that's not a parental caveat. She is well behaved in school (is that why she is acting out here?). She has not been this way even at home until this past 1 month, defiant yes, but malleable - not throwing tantrums and refusing outright like now. She changed schools recently, I'm tempted to think that was the trigger...But she is enjoying school and is well adjusted there...:thinking:

    Is it really just a phase?
    How should I be handling this? (Besides waking up at 5 to cook, so I can 'get her ready' from 6:30 for school at 8:30!!) The thing that gets to me most is the extremely long time it takes to get ready for school in the morning, and the restroom stalling/wars.

    Eating...well...thats a longstanding battle, and we (H. in particular) are to blame for her poor habits. Maybe a separate post on that:facepalm:
    Thoughts?
     
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  2. jillcastle

    jillcastle Gold IL'ite

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    I have an 18 month old. I thought the terrible twos ended at 3. Now you are talking about terrible threes :thinking: :shakehead: I kind of got a mini heart attack reading it. Didn't meant to digress, sorry no advise from me as I am yet to sail that boat, but just wanted to say "You are not alone!" :wave1: I'll just wait with you for the experts to offer suggestions. :)
     
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  3. startinganew

    startinganew Silver IL'ite

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    Hi @Bubbles, My kid is not 3yrs yet. However - one thing that helps a family I know with breakfast before school is making dinner time - 6:45pm or so. So at 7am after waking up, the kids are super hungry and can't wait to have breakfast. (I know this means, dinner has to be cooked the previous evening/day/weekend which isn't easy at all)

    You say "wash" in the morning - many families move shower time to the evening precisely because of the limited time available in the morning.
     
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  4. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op...this is the way they learn to do things themselves.
    Let your lo do some of the things and help out with some .
    Like the poster above wrote, a shower just before going to bed at night will be easier than a wash in the morning .

    Also ,morning food could be something easier to eat ...something the kid really enjoys . Keep the food that 'has to be eaten 'for when you have more time.
     
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  5. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    My Toddler Is Making Me Crazy
    My Toddler Is Making Me Crazy

    Linking to one's own posts is virtual vanity? :confundio1: Hopefully not.....

    OP, it is a phase ... that's the good news. The not so good news is that the phases don't end till they turn 25. That is 25 years, not months. : ) Until then, you have the internet, library, friends, and counting backwards to 10,20,30...100 to see you through it. : )
     
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  6. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Gold IL'ite

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    @Bubbles true that terrible thirties do exist. I'm one ask my mom . Jokes apart
    Pls give food in disguise, let her play more.
    Role play like mom n kid with her doll.. .To get ready for school
    Reward her for daily activities too (mine is like loan shark demands chocolates for reading writing, bath even wearing seat belt in car seat)
    Things will change slowly don't worry whatever don't yell they remember that.
    Keep on telling her definitely she would be golden child.
     
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  7. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Gold IL'ite

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    My younger one had his terrible two’s , three’s , four’s ..... Yelling did not help. What helped a bit was positive reinforcement. I had to clap and praise him for taking a dump on time . Fake eating competitions with my elder one also helped. Chocolates were a good reward but don’t overdo it. Hang in there and take care.
     
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  8. messedup

    messedup Gold IL'ite

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  9. messedup

    messedup Gold IL'ite

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    I can very well understand your situation as I am also going from the similar phase. But your task is more tough with 3 of them. There is one mantra that I follow now and sometimes do miss this. It is whenever you feel that this is the time when you cannot handle without getting angry then do show your anger but it should not come inside you. Like you should not show anger when you are angry show it when required without taking it in your nerves. If kids will not do this masti then also we moms cant stay peacefully. So let them do what they are doing. Dont stop them until it is actually required. Show them the love but make them do small things and give small awards for that. Give sometime to yourself too as when we don't do this we get frustrated that can come out with kids. Kids are kids and they only have one childhood to enjoy to live. Just feel that we don't have any right to spoil that no matter how much difficult it is for us. With anger nothing can be sorted out. They will also learn to shout and start showing anger on little things that may be more difficult to correct later. Your behavior to them will only make their behavior for society. So just enjoy this time and relax.
     
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  10. Bubbles

    Bubbles Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks for the advice and support everyone!
    Oh no, messedup, I just have one, she is 3years.. If I had three... :eek:o_O:rolleye:

    I'm just taking deep breaths... and when H. started commenting on my terrible mood, I happily let him take over the most tantrum-prone moments:smilingimp: It takes two to tango, eh?

    Anways...holding on...God bless all moms:nut:
     
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