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Friendships In India Vs Abroad..

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by anika987, Jan 9, 2018.

  1. GoneGirl

    GoneGirl Gold IL'ite

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    I think the OP is talking about fulfilling social interactions, be it with a neighbour, friend, acquaintance or a maid.. its about chatting with a person you care and vice versa...this is harder to do, esp if you are abroad, not working, and in a place with harsh winters.

    As for spending time, am sure there are lots of ways to do so if you do not mind having the social apsect .. could immerse oneself in numerous activities, but at the end of the day people who crave human contact and personal interaction will still be unhappy! ( Not counting the how are you’s and how’s it going that you get from anyone you see) That includes people like me, most of my memorable experiences have been with people I love..
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2018
  2. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy Finest Post Winner

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    Well explained ! Seems like you got what the OP wanted to say! One can feel pretty isolated here depending on where they live. Social life can get very structured unlike in India . Works well for a introvert like me but I am sure gets frustrating for someone that is very social.

    anika987 and shyamala1234 like this.
  3. Iravati

    Iravati Platinum IL'ite

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    True. Bonds are easier to form in India over an exchange of tomatoes in my garden and coriander in yours and people flowing in and out of the doors and buzz and flutter and the pestilential bell never stops ringing.

    There’s always someone nearby to catch up and chat. Cable guy, internet guy, amazon delivery, maid, neighbour, another neighbour, some relative, someone I don’t even know and they don’t know me. If that’s the lifestyle one prefers, it is achievable in India in relatively good neighbourhoods with less struggle. It is easier to mingle and form personal bonds.

    For a person like me, it’s unnerving. I abhor small talk, hence I am incompetent in entertaining a Gatsby crowd. But I feel nice when my mom is fussed over: aunty for Pongal we will decorate this way, yesterday’s pacchadi was mild, this tambolam, that pooja, this dish, that invitation. My mom also similarly wears chappals and hollers and rounds up carrying bowls and plants and tamarind and bucket with seemingly coloured liquid across the lane. I also realised the door is never locked. Neighbours swing by with a mild tap on the door. Last night, even a neighbour’s cat and a wild frog entered.

    Yes, India undoubtedly and overwhelmingly offers all this and more. You don’t have to look far for company. Unlike abroad where you might have to travel for potlucks, and make advanced arrangements, in India, neighbours form lively and chatty bonds naturally. The question is, do you want it? If yes, no second thoughts, pack your bags as such (informal) camaraderie is difficult to replicate even in Indian diaspora abroad.

    But I doubt such free-flowing crowd reside in stiff and uppish neighbourhoods. We are just an ordinary middle-class middlings who still eat in steel plates with our fingers. It is not the gentrified India that exhibits this sentiment with staggering buildings and exclusive gated communities who celebrate ostentatious get-togethers once a while with or with no rapport but pockets of vintage charm of an average residence that you might want to return to for chatty buzz, or else you will be disappointed. Good luck.
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2018
  4. shyamala1234

    shyamala1234 Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Anika,
    Keeping oneself occupied and busy is not at all a problem. Choices are umpteen. But in spite of the busyness some want human interaction....can be anybody. Indian middle class localities are for such people......like me.
    sindmani and anika987 like this.
  5. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    My response above wasn't about offending the OP or judging her life style.
    But it is all about an attempt to make her/and those who live under similar circumstance, understand the reality of life.
    I am not a stupid to compare the life style of a working woman in India (who lives with her family surrounded by 1000s of neighbors and relatives) with a SAHM in the US (with varying temperature and people).
    I know it is different, and I know how best to relate with the OP from my own experience.

    I have personal experience about living outside of your home, and how it is different when you are totally uprooted.
    Besides, I am talking out of my mom's experience, since she meets most of your criteria here.

    A couple of decades back, when mom was newly married and living in Canada with dad, her life was equally boring as yours.
    She was a SAH wife, and her H (my dad) was a busy man with 2 full time jobs (including our newly started family business). So, he would be busy around the weekends as well.
    The varying temperature, people, language and everything else was different for my mom - who was in her early 20s back then.
    She felt so bored to stay idle at home. Life would have been different had she been back at home, because there would be neighbors knocking your door for something, there would be passers by around your gate asking for something... and needless to say about the family members and relatives who would visit you, talk to you or even invite you to their place during the day. Besides, maids and plumper/service persons for all the required human interaction.
    But the key is accepting this different life style.
    She mastered in that, and that was behind her success.
    She accepted that fact that there is no going back in the near future. She knew that she will have to accept this if she is to live with her H.
    Then question comes, how best you can accept it without compromising your sanity.
    You can always accept this boring life and loosing your sanity with time. OR
    You can find some alternate options within whatever the available means to keep yourself occupy and be successful in it.
    Working out of the house wasn't a choice for mom at that time, given her visa and family status.

    But she chose to work inside the house instead.
    She had hell lot of quality time in hand, as she was all by herself during most of the day times back then.
    She brought a sawing machine and started to stitch sari blouses as a hobby. Soon, some Sri lankan neighbors and dad's office colleague's wives' noticed that and gave her orders to stitch the same for them. Within a year, her tailoring business picked up, and many people preferred to stitch sari blouses from mom instead of waiting till their next trip to home.
    Besides, mom also started to take orders for cakes, such as birthday, anniversaries etc within the same group people.
    This made her very busy, as well gave her a good income too.
    Soon, she hired 2 more young girls from Sri Lankan descent to assist her, so that she would rest and relax during the day.

    She lived in Canada for nearly 10+ years before she moved back to home. Never once she complained about boredom in Canada.

    You can't have it all.

    It was your choice to move to the US for some reasons. Accept it, and see how better you can cope with it

    I am living in my home country right now. I have all the luxury of my family and friends living nearby and having a fruitful life here. But my income is very less compared to what I earned back then in abroad.
    There is no point of looking back and yearning for that "huge" salary right now.
    Life is a mixed package, but overall each of the package weighs the same.
    When in abroad, I missed my home very badly even though i was paid and compensated for that by my work place.
    Here, my family pays me the price of whatever I may have lost in the pay ch.

    Be busy, and occupy yourself with whatever you are best at.
    sindmani and gknew like this.

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