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Friendships In India Vs Abroad..

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by anika987, Jan 9, 2018.

  1. kanaka Raghavan

    kanaka Raghavan IL Hall of Fame

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    Where ever you are if have things to do and keep yourself occupied you have no reason to complaint.In this fast moving world every place is busy and it is up to each individual to make his life worthwhile.
     
    sindmani, gknew, Amica and 1 other person like this.
  2. Nylaa

    Nylaa Silver IL'ite

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    I think that might be a particular hang up that she has. Some people do have that type of needy, sensitive personality. I don't think it's the norm though.
     
    anika987 likes this.
  3. gknew

    gknew Silver IL'ite

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    Hi OP,
    Good topic..happy that u bring it here..I keep thinking abt this for a while...
    I moved to US one and a half year back. I was in Bangalore for a long time before moving in here..
    I have the same opinion as you.. people in India have a good social friendship. I was living in a community where there are lots of Telugu,Kannada,Tamil, Hindi, Gujarati speaking ppl lives. I have never seen any group politics or language barriers there..same applies to play dates.. though we have a common play area for kids, we used to have play dates in each one of our house(irrespective of languages/religions).
    And mostly we have a social friendship there and the original true friendship comes when the both ppl have same wavelengths..
    I can't talk much about the US friendship bcos I don't have any friends here. Literally no friends in my city...have a couple of friends in other few states...
    I am SAHM and we live in a non Indian community and there are no Indians around..there are only a couple of Indians in dh office and they live in suburbs (around 60 to 70 miles apart) and they mostly work from home. They come to office once in 4 or 5 months.. So, no chance of meeting their wives too( we stay close to dh office).
    I used to tell dh that we move to a different apartment just to get some Indian friends. But he is not ready to move as the place is good.
    But as one poster mentioned, I have developed some new hobbies and new interests...it keeps me busy rather than worrying abt no friends.( I used to feel bad that I am alone with no one here).
    Also, I feel jealous by seeing other posts that they complain abt the neighbors/friends..lol..
    I am learning abt indians friendship in US only thru the posts.. I am surprised that how ppl behave so bad without giving some own space /privacy to the neighbors or friends. I have never experienced this in India..Some of my friends in other state have a good friends group and they have a good family bonding. I think it depends on every individual wherever they are...place doesn't matter...

    Is there anyone who don't have friends in their city?
    I used to tell dh that we are the only one who doesn't know anyone in the city..I live in Atlanta,GA.
    I used to see Indians in the Grocery store, Temple, Costco etc.. we both are very social and we talk to everyone we meet(initially when we new to the place) and usual excitement to see fellow indians...
    Dh been in US before and I am new..So, I was so excited and happy to see fellow indians... Now,I don't feel anything...no excitement..

    We met a family( never seen them before) in a grocery store when we were new to the place and we spoke and they live 3 miles away and we spoke. We just shared numbers..bcos my kid is playing well with their kid and they happy to see that...and the next day I called her and pinged her too..no response.. I just pinged her to say just hi and if the friendship goes better we plan to call them home..but it didn't happen...then I realized ppl are having their own groups here and not willing to add any new ppl. I never asked or share the phone number from anyone from then..
    Now, we won't talk to anyone if we see...just go with a smile...

    P.S: OP, pls forgive me if my post is not so relevant to ur query and I just put down my thoughts in a flow..lol:) sorry for the long post OP..
     
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2018
    sindmani and shyamala1234 like this.
  4. KavithaUS

    KavithaUS Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Anika,

    As soon as I read the title I knew it must be from you :)

    Reading your past posts about india vs aboard, friends and SAHM...You are pondering again and again and over analyzing. You are looking for validations. Please stop that and try to make lemonade if life throws lemons at you.
    I think you love living in India but cannot due to your hubby's constraints known to you.

    Life is full of difficulties and rewards. Take it easy, you will be happy within yourself regarding of country or status.

    You have beautiful twins and you are doing awesome on raising them alone in far living place. You also have a knack of writing stir up posts.

    I apologize if my post comes across in any hurtful way.

    Thanks,
    K
     
    sindmani, anika987, BhumiBabe and 2 others like this.
  5. maddysweet

    maddysweet Silver IL'ite

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    Dear OP,

    I agree with you as i feel just like you. Some indusladies say its not true coz
    1. They have made good friends in US. They are part of a group of friends.
    2. They are not that interested in making many friends and like the privacy US life offers.

    Thats very true in India Quality of life such as pollution, traffic, jobs , etc are not good. But social life is part of life. You never have to even think, you automatically have like more than hundred people in your life. Life completely revolves around how to handle them. At work you have collegues who all are interested to talk , go out, mingle, in no time you become best friends.
    where as in US, so many misunderstandings, tantrums not sure why.
    you cant even find that one person, whom you can call on your bday and happily celebrate.

    I came US more than decade, for first 5-6 yrs never thought about friendships and infact stopped talking to college friends and neighbors coz i was too busy. Job was my top priority. I enjoyed time at work 8 hours, nice colleagues some regular talk and thought them as good friends and at home busy with cooking etc.

    my son born and i did his 1st bday. i invited all the people who are near to me and known for years. none of them showed any interest and very few turned up. I realized am not their best friend. I started calling my old friends from college and work, they didnt even pick my calls.
    It was my mistake of being aloof from old friends and thinking acquaintances as friendships.
    i didnt had time to make new friends with a small kid and old friends never forgive me.
    after that every year my son bday, i tried and tried to make new friends but none lasted.
    I go back and check the bday party pics of both my sons, apart from their class mates invited my own colleagues and neighbors friends. every year i see different people. i feel so shameful of myself.

    The reason was i changed many jobs, so once i leave a job colleagues dont care anymore. Neighbors too same.
    so it was my bad luck and realized people like me should make extra efforts. First i said to myself, be content and dont think about making any best friends.
    Just for fun, joined a bolly wood dance class. found a very good group of ladies. each of us are from different state and language. None of us have thinking of our language, or territory or caste.

    every city has INDIAN ASSOCIATIOn of greater.......there you can make ton of friends.

    my suggestion, dont sit home expect to make friends in just neighbours. Join some indian classes like bolly wood dance, associations, search on net. Try to be very jovial and nice person.

    All the best.
     
    anika987 likes this.
  6. maddysweet

    maddysweet Silver IL'ite

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    Also think, in India when people are making friends they know its all for fun. Having parties together hanging out together. ofcourse friends do help but not really major ones. for major helps, one has family and relatives.
    You do a function, your friends are not the only people. There are hundreds of relatives for whom your parents have helped during their functions so they do yours.

    Where as in US, we expect too much from friendships, as we dont have family.
    Atleast i was doing that. I realized thats my mistake.

    The friends i made now, i dont expect anything from them. Nothing.
    Also only am hosting most of the time get together. my husband is very upset about it which i understand,
    i told him by keeping expectations, am not able to keep up friendships so now i have to give more to them.
    ofcourse which doesnt hurt me.

    Only 2 things i expect is
    1. Entertainment and some heartful talk. Thats what we all ladies want.
    2. Keep up friendships with them for long time.
     
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  7. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes pondering and analyzing lifestyle comparison (esp US vs India, party-life in US vs india, before-marriage vs after-marriage etc) title means its our Anika thread :)
    I thought 2018 so the new every year annual thread is here :)

    I feel the same. And usually grass-is-greener-on-other-side.

    Is that so? Thats so cute! Enjoy maadi.

    haha, she has a knack for multi-page threads (half century 50-pages Oviya thread :) )
     
  8. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    I used to have great lot of friends wherever I live, but now a days, I absolutely have no time even to reply to the texts my friends send due to my busy job and kids and this tiring travel thing.
    I feel like I need the 8th day in a week to sit back and reconnect with all my friends again.
    Life is too busy here. And I wonder how come it is different in the US?

    Why do you need another person to kill your time all the time?
    That too a maid or a neighbor? Which means, you have got hell lot of time to sit and relax at home - but you are alone.
    Can you give me at least a couple of days from your stock.
    Just to relax, and be for myself and not to be disturbed.
    Even if I get such free times, my monkey mind would roam in virtual sites to interact with people to kill that boredom.

    India or US, ultimately it is all about the person who you are.

    My almost 69 year old mom says she is busy and has no time for certain things, which usually her peers do.
    Reason is that she occupies herself into so many things, including her hobby (tailoring, reading, and watching TV), and she teaches English for local kids as a volunteer service, and then she spends quality time looking after my kids after their School time.
    Prayers, temple visit, catching up with her besties are still in her list though.
    So, how come a young mom like you, that too who lives in the US can talk about free time? Strange!!!
     
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  9. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Honestly, at the end of a tiring week, I would rather kick off my shoes, wear comfy jammies, grab a glass of wine and catch up on a cartoon movie with my kids right on the couch in my living room.

    Friends? Great many a time but all my 'besties' live really far away.
     
  10. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Gold IL'ite

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    The post is not about killing the boredom or complaining....
    The life in US for a SHAM on H4 is totally different being working in native country with living near by extended family.
    So let's not compare the life in one part of life with life in a different continent, with varying temperature and people. It seems your offending the op, she doesn't want a neighbor for maid to kill her time.
    The actual possiblity is less in volunteering when live in suburbs and fellow Desi's behavior do hurt. Please don't judge, unless you practically live here. That too 9000 miles far from near and dear ones.
    It's about social interaction...
    Life is totally different from India and US.
     

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