Friends, Tell Me How To Handle

Op,

My blood boils when I read the exact same thing that I am going through. Except that my H cares for my daughter and doesn't let her into all such non-sense. I would say that guys these days are enjoying best of all worlds. His parents, siblings, his career, electronic gadgets, head of the house, authority to rule the house ...everything. They take really less efforts in putting themselves in the shoes of wife. They don't have time to talk atleast 15 mins to wife and ask how her day was or even talk general things..

OP...I am not sure if you are staying with in-laws. If yes, then this is the case in most of the households. If not, then you are letting him control you too much. Your son is getting affected. I think you should take a strong stand in case of your son. Please do your best in educating him and NOT DOING ANYTHING LESS FOR YOUR SON. He deserves the best.

 

slowly withdraw from everything related in to inlaw.Let husband only go there for visit.Stop talking with them.Just be formal.Withdraw yourself completely from picture.

 

Sorry to be blunt...

You have let this happen to you. So, you must take the responsibility now to change this.

Your son will not show such a serious behavioral change for the matter of seeing his parents' fight often. It is definitely not a healthy way of raising kids, however so many kids grow by witnessing their parents go through tough times in their marriage, including separation, financial hardship, illness etc.. which often includes episodes of fights, arguments and unpleasantness in the house. But not every kid is traumatized or scared.
If your 5 yr old son has speech delay or problems in socializing, please see a doctor immediately. Let your son's doctor decide whether he needs speech therapy or any sessions from the appropriate therapist. It is easily curable at the earliest.
Do not ignore his signs and confuse them with your family problems.

Now that, you must focus on your family problem....
You are not living with your in laws. Keep your presence at their place and lives very minimal and formal. Do not involve in any family matters. At the same time, do not stand out completely. You can always maintain a balance in a non-existing manner.
For ex: If there is a celebration at in laws place, and SIL is getting way too much involved in it... Let her be...
don't fight for your place, or equal treatment. Just let her enjoy whatever she does. You just pay your attention whenever it is required. After all, it is not your home.
Be the queen at your own home.

If they accuse you for something you are not responsible, try to clear yourself to your husband once. If he doesn't agree with you, let him believe whoever he wants to believe this time. But learn a lesson from the problems everytime. This way, you know what could be expected from whom.
Pave your path accordingly.

My husband had a hard time in believing my true narration about the incidents when MIL could dramatically change the same.
So, with time, I've stopped expecting his POV in anything. I fought my own battle alone. I stopped nagging him and earned the best wife medal (Joke) in no time.

Dear OP,

Foight your own battle. You are an adult. If your MIL or SIL try to put you down, don't let them do it. Fight, and fight with dignity. Just demand for respect. Don't bear it or hold it for the sake of anything. 'If you hold it, you would expect some appreciation from your H. Which will never happen.
So, fight for your respect.
Fight doesn't mean bitter talks and arguments. It means setting things straight. 'If someone insults, just turn towards them, look at their eyes sharply and ask whether they meant it correctly. Your boldness will definitely shake them, and many of them would hold it at that. If they continue the negativity, just stop them and say you are not in agreement. Again boldly.
Leave the place, and leave that issue for ever.
Repeat the same behavior everytime you face insult.
Don't bring this matter with your husband, and don't expect any favor from him now.
He will change soon. Then he will be yours.

 

Agree with @SGBV .
Do not ignore your son's health issues or any developmental delays by confusing them with family troubles. They may be affecting him more but you must find the root cause of your son's reaction to his surroundings.

One another thing you can do right away is- limit your son's exposure( I prefer nil) to toxic family members. It helps tremendously in the coping mechanism. My niece gets overwhelmed by fights/ arguments easily- her therapist recommended to keep her as far away as possible from arguments or toxic people until she develops her own strength.
Then again, every child is different so please do not delay visiting a good doctor. And do not stop your search for a good doctor until you get satisfactory answers to your concerns. If you are in India, you might have to see spend some time looking for the right doctor.

Again, reiterating what other ladies have mentioned here. You need to be stronger for yourself and your child. This time it's your ILs, next time some one else might be unfavorable to you or your child ( schools, friends, what not). Once you become positively assertive, life will become little easier. And you know what- your baby will pick up your assertiveness in due time. Good luck!