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Forgive And Forget

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by lalithasharma9, Mar 14, 2019.

  1. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    Depends on the sentence.

    This is a good example of a sentence that is never acceptable under any circumstances.

    Stand up for yourself and cut her off till she apologizes. Let your DH know that you find her comments about your parents unforgivable. Once you've made your stand clear, don't bend.

    Yeh paise ka sawaal nahin hai, tameezh ka sawaal hai. It's not about money (yours), it's about lack of civility (hers).

    Respect is one of the perks of independence. Please don't be defensive about your education and your income.

    Bottom line: By accepting her abusing your parents this time, you will have effectively given her permission to abuse them freely in the future. Don't accept this behavior. You have to draw a line somewhere.

    Good luck, @lalithasharma9!
    .
     
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  2. hpt

    hpt Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Lalitha, it is unfortunate that you need to go through this. But please always remember that your MIL behavior is something you cannot control. What you do have control is how you can respond to your MIL's behavior and how any such future event can be avoided.
    You cleared off the things from your end by offering the apology. Period. Please stop giving attention to her. If you feel she is using abusing language, leave the conversation. Tell politely that she is angry and it is not good to continue the conversation. Improve your communication skills. Don't give the power to her by listening the crap and keep reacting. Refuse to pay attention to her tantrums. If you don't react, these tantrums will stop. It is as simple as that.
    Next time make sure that things are not escalated to this level and don't ever bring in parents between the war.
    Also, touching feet is too much. Basically you are training your MIL that she will be given so much importance by these feet touching and all. Don't allow this to happen again. A sincere sorry would be enough if we have truly hurt others. It is up to others to accept it and forgive.
     
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  3. lalithasharma9

    lalithasharma9 Bronze IL'ite

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    Thank you hpt, I know touching feet is too much, but since mistake is from our parents end,I did it so that I can save my parents from abuse, but unfortunately that didnt happen, she had used very bad words on my parents for a long time, they were disturbed.

    yes, My parents did a mistake and we all agreed and apologized, I have forgiven much bigger mistake of MIL, why cant she forgive for a small mistake?
     

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