Forced to Stay in Father-in-laws vacant Flat and feeling not at home :(

If you are not comfortable....Tell him the long commute is effecting your health and performance...or that the company is giving flat or rent for flat. Let your wife do the talking.

If your FIL wants to gift his daughter....let him.She is his daughter too. If you don't want to accept ...you can tell your wife to make father in law stop. If you are uncomfortable taking any gifts at all ,tell you wife.If he still wants to give,she can ask him to instead put it is some college fund for kids.

If your wife doesn't mind...there is not much to do...let her enjoy the gifts.

It's bad that FIL believes in dowry...you can't do much about it...just make sure you don't let your family follow that.

 

You need to take the stand and let father in law know that you can take care of your own family and doesnot wish to stay in his house.. There is nothing to feel bad if he gifts expensive things.

 

How he treats his DIL and your differing economic backgrounds are totally irrelevant here. You seem to be doing well. And have his earned your place. So why the chip on your shoulder?

Two things here, OP. one is father pampering his daughter. That's wonderful. He is being so generous. He is buying her jewels and such with his love. It is between them. There is nothing there for you to have an opinion about except be thankful that your wife is truly blessed with a dad who still cares so much. To ask him to stop will only make you look petty.

The second thing is about the flat. If you put aside your discomfort that it is her dads flat, you are still put off by your long commute. So, just deal with that. Also figure this out - are there better schools and facilities where the flat is? Without confusing it with the other issue, do some research. About quality of life, schools, medical care, entertainment etc etc. Then discuss it directly with your wife. Start wih the terrible commute and how it exhausts you. Pitch your case about the new area; then pray long an hard that daddy dearest just doesn't end up buying a flat there too!

Alternately, open an RD and pay what you think the rent will be every month. Then at the end of the period, gift something big to your FIL as a thank you for helping with your accommodation.

 

hi make it very clear to all thth u cannot travel so much daily. suggest tht u take a rented apt near ur office and will visit ur wife and kids weekly.....sure enuf ur wife and kids will offer to shift with u to new home

 

he is just letting you stay there & its not as if he has registered the flat on her /your name..............if u are uncomfortable talk to your wife or her father...........

 

talking openly to him is the only solution for this. Just call your FIL and meet outside in some place and talk to him openly these points and make him understand.....

 

Dowry is something, Gifting is something else. You demand for dowry, you ask for it, you market it with your marriage. Gift is voluntary, anyone can gift you anything. It is all up to you to use it or not.

I did not give any dowry to my husband as it is not the custom in my place. But my parents and relatives keep on gifting both of us on every occasions. The value of their gifts (i mean the financial value as all the gifts are invaluable for me) vary from person to person.
My mom gave me a piece of a land. It was so expensive.
My brother gave me some jewelries on my birthday
My uncles used to gift me with dresses, jewels, and other electronic gadgets... The list goes on and on... But how come such gifts amount to a dowry, which is a crime in my country? Do you think the Police can arrest anyone of us for doing this?

I think, it is the same with your case as well.

Since you are in Banglore, your FIL is offering this house to you to stay. If that is not causing you any physical problems, then I do not see any reason to avoid it. It is always better to stay in a known home than in a new rented place. But it is also about your comfort level.
Have a discussion with your wife, and see how comfortable you both are in this matter. Then come to a decision.

Do not apply your ego and dowry matter when making decisions as such.. They are totally irrelevant.

 

"Another fact is I am from a poor background and my Wife's family is way well off now."

Your inferiority complex is the problem. You think that "they would think you are from poor background, you cannot afford and they are offering an apartment"

But for your FIL, when he already has an apartment how can he see his daughter living in a rented apartment.

If you have an apartment in the same city where your daughter is looking to rent wont you offer it to her. afterall we work hard and save some money for our kids (sons as well as daughters) well being right?

If you are really worried about living in FIL's apartment you shouldn't have shifted to this city without buying an apartment. Instead of investing in a land first you should have bought an apartment.

Even now sell one of your land and buy an apartment here and move there.