'firangi' Bahu. Need Tips.

Why don't you seek services from local Indian cooks? I am sure there are gujarati women who are willing to cook for a fee...don't complain about the fees, you can't have it both ways. 5 am- 9pm is rather strenuous. It is okay for now, but how will you manage once kids are born, surely you cannot spend that much time in the office. Kids need your attention for at least 10-12 years. Indians are generally conscious about the son cooking. Separate a portion of your cooking for her and add extra sugar in that.

 

Hi @Lxcxxz... Most MILs are like this only except very few. The other women whom you mention might be amazing as women but you can't be sure that they are amazing MILs unless you are a DIL to them. Their DILs might have their own tales to tell about them.
Ignoring is the only way to have your peace of mind. I would recommend you to read a thread in IL called 'It happens only in In-laws' house'. That would help you to understand the mentality of in-laws. It would definitely help you to deal with your MIL better.

 

I don't know about the cooking part, but for sure I can tell you, kids need time and commitment at least for a couple of years. I don't know how women with your work qualification manage as I am not at the same level, so I really can't comment. Out of curiosity I am asking you - what is your age? Maybe you need to talk to someone who is working at the same position as you.

 

Your husband has to step in and run interference for you. All the time. Try to ignore her harping as much as you can. As for food, cook to the best of your ability but don't bend over backwards. If your MIL is in good health she can cook her own food to her taste.
Some older Indian women have this tendency to criticize everything around them. The fact that you are not of their community simply makes you an easier target. Since her stays are hopefully not for more than a few months try to grit your teeth and power through it.
If you raise a fuss or talk back she will simply go crying to her son. Try to form the habit of just nodding, irritating as it may be. At this point she is not going to change, so you had best try to cope.

 

Hi,
Stop seeking MIL's approval. She needs to respect you.
Learn to tune her out. Don't let things build up too much within you, otherwise it will be hard to just be in the same room as her. You will start to feel suffocated in your own home.

When she says something hurtful, try not to get emotional ( take some deep breaths to calm down) and look straight into her eyes , and tell her without any anger that she is being rude and hurting you and just walk out of the room. She is trying to provoke you buy hurting/insulting you. Stay calm, take a little extra effort but do not bend backwards. Respect is a two way street.

Share your emotions with your husband, dont complain, just tell him how hurt you are when she told this, how you put in effort to please her etc. Ask him for a shoulder to cry on, get the pain out of your system.

If you are bringing in the lion's share of the dough home, you get to do lesser share of house work. Simple maths. Mothers dont like it if their son is earning less, sometimes she can use that to provoke him too. Women of that generation may not be educated but can be master manipulators . So yes, it can be worse than corporate politics.

Wish you luck

 

Good to know that. I was just wondering. One year maternity leave is a blessing. If I had that I would have jumped with joy. Seriously talking, it is between you and your husband, if your husband does not mind, then you should not strain yourself over it. Moreover you are pitching on the weekends. You are the CFO of a company. She should have known before the marriage itself. I still think the way to find peace with your mother-in-law is to get a cook. I am not surprised that she is so upset. My own MIL let my FIL do everything for her but she was extremely upset when my husband tried to help me and was not at all happy when I did not show interest in cooking initially.