Finest Post Winners - May 2017

Thank you Amica. oj

 

Dear Iravati,

I went through your view several times. Finally, I concluded that there is wisdom in what you have said. Very recently, I wrote a piece in memory of a dear friend who passed away on 25 May, which was as recently as last week. It was a short composition that a Kolkata newspaper carried. I am particularly happy that they did not call it an obituary, for this friend of mine was totally opposed to being formally remembered, in life as well as death. However, whether I called it an obituary or not, publishing it in a well-known daily was probably an act that ignored his wishes.

I have asked Satchitananda's permission to post it in IL itself. I will do so in a short while from now. If you read it, you will see why I contradicted myself when I communicated with Satchi about the badge.

Going back to the snippet that received recognition from IL, I may have over-reacted and that too for the wrong reason. As I had noted at the beginning of the snippet itself, it was a revised version of something that I had put up around 3 years ago. I was not satisfied with it and let it lie fallow till I was ready to redo the exercise. Then, as you know, I posted it a few weeks ago and it led me to the ribbon. Unfortunately, however, I continued to feel dissatisfied even with this second version and kept on struggling with it. An important reason underlying my dissatisfaction could have been the comment I received from my son over email. He was highly critical and had good reasons in support of his criticism.

Finally, I was able to produce a revision that brought me a modicum of relief, but I couldn't possibly upload it once more over here. IL has been kind with me and tolerated my angularities over and over again. But enough is enough.

So, I uploaded the latest version, one that I am unlikely to change anymore, except for punctuation possibly, in my personal website. Here is the link:

Krishnendu Karmakar – Unfinished Story of an Unknown Man

You need not waste your time visiting it, but if you do, you will notice that it stands considerably changed. You will also see that it has failed to attract any attention at all. Like most of the posts in my site.

Best regards.

oj

 

Dissatisfaction could be due to style, expression, and content. I don't know which one is it for you. If I were you, this is what I would do (though I have never done this before because I am not a serious writer, I am more of a casual blabber) — I would send my article to another person and ask them to compose in their narrative and imagination. That won't reflect your account of the tale, notwithstanding, such discrete rework may prompt you to revisit your writing from a different perspective and fill gaps in your self-expression.

Repetitive revision is not of much use until you let that piece of writing be reviewed from a different pair of eyes and reconcile with your own style. Ask your son to put forth his criticism in the form of rework. How would he write it? It may or may not help you. I usually do that a lot in my life —not writing, but design. In a group, everyone designs the same idea and we compare and improve upon our work. I don't see why this cannot be applied to style and semantics in writing. Criticism is the best guide, while praise is only a sympathetic friend.

For example, here's your first paragraph

“It is doubtful that any story involving a human life is ever complete. And this is true even for the simplest of nursery rhymes. Jack, we know, had sustained a skull fracture after he had fallen down and Jill had tumbled down after him. But we never got to know if Jack’s fracture was treated, nor if Jill too had an injury that needed to be attended to. For all we know, the best part of Jack’s life story unfolded only after he was released from a hospital where his crown got fixed. And Jill too might have grown up into an attractive blonde and married a dark, handsome person. They brought up a family of healthy children perhaps, except for the one that died of infantile pneumonia. The Jack and Jill rhyme talks to us about the most inconsequential parts of their lives. Other important events could have happened to them, but they remained unrecorded.”

I would write that as ...

“Life stories only tease us with their foreseeable end but never reveal themselves to us. Encountered in a fleeting narrative, they vanish over the horizon carrying with them the enigma of their extended fates. What happened to that unresolved story and the characters who drive that story? This is shrouded in mystery even in the earnest of the nursery rhymes. Jack and Jill go down a hill. Jack falls down and Jill tumbles in a frown ....what next? We are robbed of the news of their fates. We don't even know where to hunt for them. Did Jack recover and went on to sing jingles for his sweet heart Jill? Did Jill marry Jack by the church bells and lived happily with a nearby well? Did they lead a smooth life? Or, did they endure more misfortunes like losing their loved one to pneumonia? The Jack and Jill who visit us in our nursery rhyme fill our time with silly tumble and bid us farewell. By twilight, they shut us out of their lives just when we are seduced to follow them till the horizon ....what happened thereafter? Life stories are not as forthcoming as we would want them be. The characters remain largely inaccessible and the stories undiscovered. Here is one such tale I am trying to peer across the horizon and make sense of the characters.”

This is only to drive the point and not any critique of your work. Rather than tackling your discontent in a linear revision, try a forked rework with a friend or family. Does not matter how clarified the brain is as only the textual expression matters in writing. If you cannot put it down, you might as well dismiss that emotion and go with the next one.

 

Thank you Iravati. That was quite interesting. By the way, I didn't disclose the nature of my son's critique. It didn't concern style, content or expression. It was vital nonetheless. I had to work exceedingly hard to address the problem. I did discuss the matter with someone I could depend on. He was not able to resolve the issue either. The alternative prologue you have produced is quite interesting as I said. But it doesn't solve the problem I faced.

In any case, it is no great work of art we are discussing. It's best not to proceed any further.

oj

 

In an online banter, gestures are opaque and connotations can only be loosely inferred. Since you brought forth your anguish in a vague manner yet with intensity, I fumbled what to write, even so, didn't want to ignore your post. I spoke my mind with a regard that I would have shared with a friend ... in general .... a talk on writing ...an exchange on this befuddlement and that contention...what others do and how I do .... the part and the counterpart .....is it this... is it that ...in a diffuse rambling with no intention to be presumptuous.

Noted.

 

@satchitananda

It is a time-honoured norm here not just to declare winners but to insinuate winners while slowing drawing the curtain to a clap shower. Your opening post which is in line with that practice is also in character with your personality. Bubbly and warm! That is the first impression on reading your post. I am someone who counters even a dull whatsApp forward with a deep analysis so I could not resist writing back to such a jaunty announcement. Years of toastmasters training has made me so sensitive to details that I could not but observe few charming bits in your post.

That's a well-intercepted observation.

(chuckles)

I could go on with my inspection that will tire you. I could tease out the eloquence that abounds in your opening post. However, one thing that piqued me was that “youthful” remark that everyone casted on you. There are no contention that you look dashy youthful in your temperament, but, just “youthful”. To me you are also that mischievous and tongue-lolling kid who has a long way to crawl to reach adolescence with your pink and cute expressions like below.

I hope, only the foretaste of your stint has been veiled so far, thus, I expect to be regaled with no less refreshing announcements in the upcoming months. ..as I say ..this is only an aperitif, khana tho abhi bhaki hai ...with all the tricks and talents you have up your chef's and dedicated foodie's sleeve.

A fine announcement!

 

Congratulations to all three winners