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Financial Help To Inlaws

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Elsa, Dec 3, 2016.

  1. Elsa

    Elsa Gold IL'ite

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    Hello all,

    I know this topic has been beaten to death in this forum. But still wanted to know how married couples handle the issue of helping in-laws (specifically the husband's parents).

    What % of earnings is considered reasonable to be sent to inlaws? What if all of the husbands earnings before marriage were taken by the inlaws and the new DIL is made to start her married life with a clean bank account and still continue to send money to the inlaws every month?
     
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  2. Elsa

    Elsa Gold IL'ite

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    I could not edit my previous post, so writing another one.

    How do you feel if you have to make adjustments to your lifestyle and hold yourself from splurging on things you can afford to, but could not because you have to send money back home? To inlaws who showoff by giving expensive gifts to friends amd relatives with your money, live in mansion built using the money you send them, and live life luxuriously while you are being cautious with money?
     
  3. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    It is right to support in-laws and parents financially to the extent that they can lead comfortable lives. It does not mean one has to impoverish themselves so said elders can live in luxury. If you can support their lavish lifestyle without financially compromising yourself then win-win. However for a young couple the priority should be establishing their own financial security. My banker father has always drilled the compound interest mantra into our heads since we were young. Time will not return.
    What is your spouse's take on this situation?
     
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  4. Elsa

    Elsa Gold IL'ite

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    He thinks its his turn to payback for all the sacrifices that his parents have made to make him what he is today. His parents have no problems with depending on him for everything. Basically we are a family of four now even though we do not have kids. We pay for their living expenses. My H has paid (he bore all the expenses) for their house as well before we got married.
     
  5. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    @Elsa, My inlaws took all my husband savings before marriage...after marriage also they continued to take, but then home loan tied our hands so there was no money to send them....thats when my husband saw their true face, how their attitude changed even towards their son...its not that they are poor people, they are having more than enough money and property worth at least a carore but love to live in life of misery hence looks like poor....
    They are having their pension, bank balance and property, we dont give them any monthly money, my husband gives them lump sum amount as gift. We buy their medical insurance yearly, gifts, some home appliances etc....
    in my community normally it is not considered respectful, if parents demand money from children for their luxury. so directly they dont say anything, but my FIL indirect talk tells us that he wants to have control on all of my husband's earnings and my MIL should run the home...(while he never gives the control of his home to his wife)....
     
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  6. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    Well, in general if parents have no mean to support themselves financially then children should ensure their comfortable living, even if it means letting go of their luxuries. lading your parents with luxuries while suffering themselves financially , is not the responsibility of children.
    If parents have their means of income, then its not children responsibility to send them monthly money as parenting is not a loan scheme which children has to return in form of monthly EMI.
     
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  7. kiran82

    kiran82 Silver IL'ite

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    If parents have their means of income it does not become mandatory to send them money. But it is the responsibility of the children to enquire if any financial assistance is necessary especially if the parents have retired. I find this as a lapse on my children after our retirement. We however never stretch our hands beyond our means. Money ruins relationships I feel.
     
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  8. Elsa

    Elsa Gold IL'ite

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    I am ok with sending them some money every month. I have no idea about their bank balance and their sources of income, but the way they are wasting money that I could have saved for myself or my kids in future is what is pissing me off.

    Their monthly expenses are atleast three times more than that of my parents. I was quite surprised when they keep on asking for money even when we told them that we need to build our savings first. They like to showoff. They have decided to enjoy their old age with their children's money.
     
  9. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes mam, you are right, children should ask time to time if parents need any financial assistance, they should ensure that whatever mean of income they have, its good enough for them.
    Also parents should use assets other than their home in making their retirement age comfortable, instead of saving them for children. like if parents have any property other than their home, they can sell it , save the money in bank and with interest they can live a comfortable life, instead of saving that property for children.
    Mam, if you are in financial crunch , IMO you should ask from your children, its your right...
     
  10. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    invest your money in property or long term education plans, which requires mandatory monthly installment payments, when in cashflow would be less, automatically sending money would be less...
    see till now you are sending them good amount of money, so they might be thinking that you are comfortable in sending that much amount of money....they might be taking that cash as spare cash from you...
    now when you say to them that you need to save, that might be sounding to them like excuse....now you have to take hard decision for once and all...
    a couple is responsible towards both, their parents and children. you have to live life as both , as a parent and as a children.A balance in both responsibilities has to be maintained.
     

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