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Finance issues with parents-in-law

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Ganga, Jul 11, 2014.

  1. Jul 11, 2014 #1
    Ganga

    Ganga New IL'ite

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    ok people.. i have something in my mind that has been troubling me for quite some time....
    i have this issue with my husband, where he wants to allot a certain amount of money to his parents...
    his father was in a very good position when he was working.. but now my parents-in-law do not have a source of income..
    his parents are a sort of people who are spendthrifts... their expenditure doesnt depend on the income..
    whether there s any income or not they do not care. they simply borrow money for exorbidant interest and spend it (meaningful or even otherwise)..


    Now my husband here s sort of gentleman guy where in he doesn't get involved with any of his parents finance matters..
    also his parents do not make it a point to consult with him on any such matters.. this has been happening like this since the beginning long before i married him...


    now my question to him is:
    1. is what they are doing correct? i mean spending money like water? even if that means borrowing money?


    2. certain loan amount of theirs has been dumped on us for over a year.. now that the loan is completed, my husband wants this money to be given to them for their monthly expenses.


    3. why is he not getting involved in their finance matters?
    reason for me asking this: i have an assumption that they are using his soft corner towards them to get money from him by saying they are in desperate need of money.
    I am not against him sending money to them.. it is their lifestyle that makes them to extract money from him. I am against them spending money exorbitantly.


    4. Our savings is taking a hit cos of this. i have many priorities to be taken care of in my life. When i say this, he says stop making unnecessary expenses, limit eating out, balance our expenses.
    Y not ask his parents to do the same thing? but he doesn't..


    We have been married for 2 yrs. We are trying to conceive.. we consulting a doctor.. this adds up to my expense list every month which is big.
    Other than this i have a cordial relationship with my parents-in-law..
    are my concerns correct? or is it unnecessary? If it is correct, how do u suggest i can do something about this?
     
    Ganga, Jul 11, 2014
    Ganga, Jul 11, 2014
    #1
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  2. Jul 11, 2014 #2
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Are you working? How does your income compare with your husband's? Almost equal?

    These should ideally not matter, but in reality often do. The say you have in the spending depends on your contribution to the income.
     
    Rihana, Jul 11, 2014
    Rihana, Jul 11, 2014
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  3. Jul 11, 2014 #3
    Ganga

    Ganga New IL'ite

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    Thanks Rihana for telling me your view on the subject.. i really try hard to ignore these money issues but it comes back to haunt me after they do or say something I dont like..


    I was working for the first year in marriage.. during my first year of the marriage, my income was more than half of what he was earning.. but then my FIL was in a good position... it is only after i quit work this thing started... they also stated having income issues..


    But how come my income have to play a part in this? shouldn't i say anything about this matter if i am not working?
     
    Ganga, Jul 11, 2014
    Ganga, Jul 11, 2014
    #3
  4. Jul 11, 2014 #4
    gauridinesh

    gauridinesh Platinum IL'ite

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    Ideally, that should not make a difference - but I have seen a lot of husbands not letting their wives have any opinion because of her non-working status.
    1) Them spending money is not correct. It is a problem that needs to be addressed. Going forward they will have more problems for healthcare etc and they need to save for it.
    2)I do not see a problem in this - as long as it does not dent your budget. But that amount should be fixed and your In-laws should spend within that amount and not ask for more.
    3) He may not be involving in their matters coz he may be getting emotionally blackmailed. My sister's in-laws used to call her husband and complain about how babd their living condition is and how they did not buy rice for a week because they did not have money etc etc (even when my sister's hubby was sending them almsot 20k-30k a month).
    4) I think you should talk to him about this. Not in an arguing manner, start with "honey, i dont mean to blame your parents or anything - but I am genuinely worried about our savings'..Invest in some policies and have your hubby pay a fixed amount to that every month.
     
    gauridinesh, Jul 11, 2014
    gauridinesh, Jul 11, 2014
    #4
  5. Jul 12, 2014 #5
    Nd123

    Nd123 Gold IL'ite

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    My mom was a housewife and the financial manager of our home. The fact that she did not earn did not matter at all. And that is the way it should be. In the ideal world where the priorities and goals of the husband are the same.

    Unfortunately it is a fact that it is not so in many cases. I don't know how guys think about this situation but let me tell you my thoughts.

    I work hard for the money I earn. I want to spend/ save/ gift this money as per my choice. I do understand that I chose to get married and hence have certain responsibilities towards my husband and my future children. So I will contribute towards the monthly expenses and save what is reasonable to me.

    If my husband has ambitions of retiring at 40 and wants to save for that... No. But general retirement savings..Yes. But what is reasonable varies from person to person.

    I am an adult, I don't care to be told that, I am not allowed to spend the money that I earn, the way I want. Especially if I am already contributing my share. But if my husband explains why it is a great idea to retire at 40 and convinces me I may be willing to decide in his favor and work towards it. But I am not willing to suffer for something that I believe is not required.

    I hope I did not offend you. I am just offering a different perspective. Your priorities so you have to make some sacrifices, when he sees that you are willing to give up a few luxuries, he may ask his parents to give up some too. But focus on your needs rather than his money management.

    I think asking you to change your lifestyle in order to satisfy your many priorities is more fair than asking him to change his priorities - one of which is supporting his parent's lifestyle.

    I am not saying that you are wrong, but that you are going about this the wrong way. Instead of focusing on the money he sends, focus on saving the money you want. Same destination but very different paths.
     
    Nd123, Jul 12, 2014
    Nd123, Jul 12, 2014
    #5
    1 person likes this.
  6. Jul 12, 2014 #6
    Librasun

    Librasun Senior IL'ite

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    Hello Ganga,
    Is your FIL retired? Does he not get a pension?

    Regardless, if your PILS are old and do not have a regular income, it is the responsibility of their children to look after their needs. Just like they looked after their children from birth to them becoming adult and standing on their feet professionally and financially.

    If your husband wants to setup a regular sum to give his parents that's his right and responsibility. He needs to tell his parents that they have to make sure they budget their spending within that amount and that he won't be able to take over any more of their debts. What they do with the money your husband gives them is their business, as long as they stay within their budget.

    You say you were working until recently. Why don't you look for a job yourself so that you can subsidise your own lifestyle and spendings by sharing the financial responsibility with your husband.
     
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2014
    Librasun, Jul 12, 2014
    Librasun, Jul 12, 2014
    #6
  7. Jul 12, 2014 #7
    Durga18

    Durga18 Silver IL'ite

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    Hello Ganga,

    My suggestion is ask your husband to give the same amount of money to your in- laws every month as he is earning the same amount every month. And with the remaining money you can plan as per your priorities. But try to talk to him very calm. Better not to argue.
     
    Durga18, Jul 12, 2014
    Durga18, Jul 12, 2014
    #7

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