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Festivals Becoming Stressors Not Celebrations!

Discussion in 'Festivals, Functions & Rituals' started by Bubbles, Oct 25, 2019.

  1. Bubbles

    Bubbles Silver IL'ite

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    Hi all!
    I am in US and live with my in-laws, spouse and 1 kid (pre-schooler).
    I get so stressed everytime a festival comes, because it seems to me to involve a disproportionate amount of work for me.
    There's a lot of cleaning, and cooking and preparing sweets/prasad, and cleaning the pooja room and setting things for pooja... I've lost the celebratory spirit, and it all just feels like a task.
    Rest of the family just chill out, eat, enjoy... while I still have the cleanup to handle.
    So much so, I have started abhorring festivals :facepalm: And I've completely lost the meaning of the festival in the mundane tasks (even if I try to sing bhajans I like or something like that during the preparation)
    I admit that I am not a superwoman like many people. I don't really do elaborate stuff - but even the basics are stressing me out :(
    From the other not-superwoman-s out there, how do y'all deal with this (besides getting rest of the family to pitch in - which is just not going to happen in my case)?
    How can I get to enjoy all this at least a little bit, again?
     
    Needtobestrong and KashmirFlower like this.
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  2. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

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    Take the festival positively and don't do it as a chore and don't do all at a time. Eg : if you have to prepare sweets for Diwali don't do the cleaning task. Do one. If you have to do the cleaning then skip the making sweets part and buy from outside .
    If your MIL or someone questions you tell them u can do one work as doing Everything is tiring you!
    That should make her pitch in and help you with making the sweets ?
    Unless you tell people around you(that means even people in your house) that you "cannot" do it they'll never understand that doing everything all alone is very difficult .
    So tell them clearly and don't let them take you for granted.
    A festival is an opportunity to bring everyone together at home. So everyone's involvement in pre festival tasks is as important as celebrating the festival. If they cannot pitch in simply don't do it all by yourself and stress yourself.
     
    Bubbles, Giri12, SinghManisha and 4 others like this.
  3. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Firstly, one need not be a superwoman:)
    This term is coined by someone and now the pressure and expectations is sky level !! Totally uneccessary and not needed.

    I think in your case,since your in-laws are living with you..either they expect you to do the festivities prim and proper or you are scared and try to do it as perfect as possible.

    Either way,there is absolutely no mistake from your side.Remember this.

    Can you talk to your husband regarding this?Tell him that it is not right that you are expected to do everything with sans help.Either he or your in-laws need to help,else cut short the amount of sweets and savouries you make and take things easy.

    Do whatever is in your capacity and pray heart felt.Prayers will be heard.
     
  4. Positivity02

    Positivity02 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,

    Planning and delegation is key. Try to divide the tasks for each day for one/ two weeks before the festival. Doing everything one or two days before is extremely tiring and yes the spirit of festival itself will be lost.

    Once you have the tasks planned, delegate some to family Eg- hubby has to clean wash room on Saturday. This way they won't feel loaded and can spend few hours helping out over the week.
    Good luck & happy Diwali!
     
    Bubbles and SinghManisha like this.
  5. rgz

    rgz Gold IL'ite

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    If done with passion and you learn to like the process, its not a chore. If done with some compulsion, and for sake of others, it is a chore.
    Mindset. Whether you consider it a choice to choose it as mindset is upto you.
    (since you said others ain’t gonna help, thats why the Mindset is critical here)
     
  6. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    Going by your posts in Time management thread or a similar one, your daily routine is quite hectic and simplifying the routine (in regular days use left-overs, cook in bulk, get some help from family) is not going to happen.

    Taking those as a given, you could try to lessen the effort involved in cooking and cleaning around festival days. Simplify the cooking, if you have an Instant Pot, I saw incredibly easy recipes for Indian desserts from scratch. Cleaning -- could you use hired help or schedule cleaners to come after the event?

    And try to remind yourself that in 1-3 years when your little one is in school for a longer time, things will get a little less hectic.

    Try not to feel guilty about the celebration losing its intended purpose or charm. This too, shall pass. Anyone who has to do that much work on a daily/weekly basis with little respite would feel like how you do. A toddler and in-laws at home can sometimes need the mindset and patience of a saint plus a superwoman's energy. You slogging away while others are eating, sitting around and chilling is not fair but it is what it is. So, try to simplify the cooking and cleaning.
     
  7. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    Hire outside help . Once family comes to know you are paying someone they will start pitching in .
     
  8. SpringB

    SpringB Platinum IL'ite

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    Bubbles
    Get snacks and sweets from local caterers
    Get paid help for cleaning
    Only if you are interested do the simple pooja else do initial prep and involve elders to do pooja. If that doesn’t work out lit deep and take everyone to temple and participate in pooja there. No harm done. You can get good food at the temple too. So relax. Nothing is more important than your health/ wellbeing
     
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2019
  9. nemesis

    nemesis Platinum IL'ite

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    Moot point: what are we actually celebrating in a festival.
     
    Sunshine04 and shravs3 like this.
  10. shravs3

    shravs3 Finest Post Winner

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    Why can’t the in-laws and husband have the same passion to help the DIL? Why should only the DIL change her mindset when living in joint setup. It’s everyone’s duty to work until and unless they aren’t fit and unhealthy.
     

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