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Feeling upset with Dad & Brother.......

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Livinglife, Apr 29, 2013.

  1. Apr 29, 2013 #1
    Livinglife

    Livinglife Silver IL'ite

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    Just a vent against my FOO....

    My Dad has been planning a Europe tour & is ready to take one in a couple of months time, from India. He is 65yrs of age, healthy, working full time and fully capable of taking this trip by himself. 15 years ago when we were taking a foreign trip, my dad fell terribly sick in the flight and that gave us a scare for lifetime and we are always worried about him travelling alone. That too to foreign countries for 15days, even though it is a fully guided tour. My Mom is no more and I worry about him feeling lonely on a trip, most people take with some or the other family member. So I offered to join him for the trip from US, along with my 3yr old. I knew it would be pretty challenging to do this with DD, but I really wanted to be there for Dad. However I just found out last week I am pregnant & will be about 4months along at the time of this trip. I didnt think I could do 15days of hectic trip, pregnant, with a toddler.

    So the thing I am really sad about now is, when I told my family (Dad & Brother) I cant make it anymore, the only emotion they had was disappointment, no congratulations, nothing asked about my health, all they both worried was I cannot be on the trip anymore. Is it just me or this is terribly insensitive ? sad :(

    The even bigger deal was, I suggested maybe my brother can take the trip in my stead, I am even willing to put in the money for the trip. His response !! "My wife is my family, I cannot leave her behind for this trip". Apparently, the 65yr old dad is to be left alone easily, but the dear young wife may not be left (with her mom that too) behind since she will feel bad. More over, it was totally fine for me to leave my DH (evidently he is not my family), lug my baby all over Europe, that is to be highly encouraged in fact. My dad also believes that his DIL should not be left behind, or else what will people say ? The same people have no problem leaving the Son-in-Law behind.

    I dont know if I am being an idiot over this, if these are pregnancy hormones making me overtly emotional or my family is really being insensitive :hide:
     
    Livinglife, Apr 29, 2013
    Livinglife, Apr 29, 2013
    #1
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  2. Apr 30, 2013 #2
    greenbow

    greenbow Gold IL'ite

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    sometimes own parents/siblings act insensitively. Dont go overboard for them, but help them upto what makes you happy/satisfied. When we go overboard for anyone, even FOO, it builds expectations, which may lead to disappointments.
     
    greenbow, Apr 30, 2013
    greenbow, Apr 30, 2013
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  3. Apr 30, 2013 #3
    blessbabydust

    blessbabydust IL Hall of Fame

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    if you are ready to put the tour money for brother cant your brother afford tour money for his wife and have a good time with his family and dad ............
     
    blessbabydust, Apr 30, 2013
    blessbabydust, Apr 30, 2013
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  4. Apr 30, 2013 #4
    Decentguy

    Decentguy New IL'ite

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    Dear OP

    Congrats on your pregnancy !!

    I think you should not stress yourself on such small issues and you should instead take care of yourself and the baby inside you.
    From your story I gather that you volunteered yourself to travel from US to Europe. No one asked you or forced you. Hence I feel that their response was a subtle disappointment.

    Do you have any other family member from your mom's side or dad's side who can go on this trip? Since you are ready to put in the money, maybe you can ask someone to accompany your dad.

    Aren't they in India and you are in US? Your dad is saying this since he knows the people better than you. If you accompany him and leave your husband at home alone, who is going to know? My guess is no one. But if your brother leaves his wife and accompany dad, maybe there will be talks? That's what your dad is thinking.

    I am not sure if your brother works so taking 15 days leave also maybe an issue for him. Not sure about that.
     
    Decentguy, Apr 30, 2013
    Decentguy, Apr 30, 2013
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  5. Apr 30, 2013 #5
    flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Since you were so concerned with your Dad's health you readily agreed to take the tour with him. You should have also thought of your DH like your bro is thinking of his DW.
    Would you hav allowed your DH to tour with his father/your FIL leaving you alone?
    If Dad is unwell then he should not go and stay at home.

    He is being politically correct as he has to stay with DS and DIL and keep them happy.
    Maybe he forgot to congratulate you.
    Don't worry too much about your father since he is going voluntarily ,he will come back hale and hearty.
    Have a happy pregnancy.
    PS -Keep your own family first.
     
    flowerlady, Apr 30, 2013
    flowerlady, Apr 30, 2013
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    4 people like this.
  6. May 4, 2013 #6
    Livinglife

    Livinglife Silver IL'ite

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    Hello All,

    Thanks for all your responses...

    Flowerlady, your post really helped me put things in the right light. I think travelling with brother will make his wife unhappy and since dad has to live the rest of his life with them, it is best to not bring such complexity in the relationship.

    I just was disappointed by the general lack of happiness and double standards that my dad applies to me all the time...khair anyways, I probably need to think more like my brother and concentrate on my own growing family.

    I also appreciate all the other posters your responses too !!

    Thanks !
     
    Livinglife, May 4, 2013
    Livinglife, May 4, 2013
    #6
  7. May 5, 2013 #7
    saps105

    saps105 Gold IL'ite

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    He must have been looking forward to spend some time with you and your daughter. He might be disappointed bcoz of dat. Give him benefit of doubt. your father might be confident that he can manage on his own. So don't worry too much. Congrts, Enjoy ur pregnancy.
     
    saps105, May 5, 2013
    saps105, May 5, 2013
    #7

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