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feeling low

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by nia32, Feb 10, 2012.

  1. newgal

    newgal New IL'ite

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    After 8 years of marriage, I am yet to see this happen. Some men only know how to 'take' and do not even take notice.

    For OP, I was only talking about my husband, not yours :) Please do try everything the other ladies suggested, do things for dh on the special days and start asking 'verbally clearly' for something small you would like. You will have to start small though, a honeymoon might not work out right away. Try not to complain...
     
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  2. abcdguy

    abcdguy Silver IL'ite

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    Nia32,

    I would say on average a lot of men are not very romantic, but this is a very broad and generalized sterotype. I on the other hand am very bollywood romantic. I sing, bring flowers randomly, hold hands and etc. Unfortunately, my fiance doesn't seem to really appreciate the 'romance' so I have had to cut down on it. Her view is LOVE does NOT equate to Romance. I actually agree now.

    Just because your husband doesn't do the romantic things with you doesn't mean he doesn't love or appreciate you. I think you may want to look at the things he actually DOES do for you. He works hard, supports you, probalby takes care of the house etc.






     
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  3. nia32

    nia32 New IL'ite

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    thanks everyone...g
    I ve tried...i ve baked cakes, cooked stuff,hell i ve literally even begged...mentioned it couple of times...i ve even bought groupons. it s still lying unused...

    i m a person who likes to go out do stuff ... i don't expect him to it regularly..

    he slept at 8 pm on new years eve...who does that...
    he s willing to go out with friends, ready to do stuff with his family...

    seems to me that he isn't interested in doing anything with me. That is what bothers me. I ve told him that i don't have big expectations.
    He doesn't have to put leave, saturday or a sunday or those 3 day weekends... how much time does it take from san fran to los angeles or vegas or portland or wherever... forget that , there s plenty to do where we stay..

    if money s an issue and if he isn't open about the reason, a walk on the beach....

    am irritated...
     
  4. nia32

    nia32 New IL'ite

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    thought should add this, he even had air line vouchers and we could go anywhere in the US for free and he did nt use it and it got expired....so money is not an issue...
     
  5. wannabmommy

    wannabmommy Silver IL'ite

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    Hi OP,

    Well as most of them said its very normal. I was exactly in the same boat as you. No honeymoon,no surprises...infact even on spl days some argument fight etc...but then when I started gvn surprises he realized how exciting it is and started reciprocating.

    Hope it works for u too...GL!!
     
  6. mums

    mums Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear OP,

    dont waste time thinking about the same..........V-day is around the corner.........plan something for him. Fellow ILites have suggested good ideas.


    Since you have mentioned he hasn't abused you.....i feel your in a safe boat for now.

    My DH is almost similar to yours--he never wished on Birthdays....nor exchanged gifts. But i used to plan surprise him on his B'days. Later got to know, they never celebrated anything than festivals in his family.


    Whatever letter i write for him on V-days.....he reads and gives it back to me only.......to preserve safely:bonk:bonk


    Few are just average in expressing, few are very outward in expressing and the rest are not good in expressing feelings with loved ones.

    Yes........he may be busy with work.....its difficult to convince managers in this recession bound time without working round the clock to get a thick paycheck.

    You told that air ticket was free......recently only i learnt free things carry hidden baggage on this planet.

    Forget the past.....i know its very difficult......plan surprises for him.....enjoy with him at home itself whenever time permits.


    Sorry for the lengthy post.
     
  7. renutn

    renutn Gold IL'ite

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    hi dear,

    I would say not normal. That too in this world ...'No'. Forget about remembering your b'day, but at least anniversary. Ok not to take leave if work pressure more; at least on weekend go to some nearby places.
    I wouldn't say like other ladies try all the acts; the situation/ pain person is going through she knows best than others. It is not 1 month it is almost more than an year now.

    I would say try to develop some hobbies, interests and get involved in that. You have seen your begging/crying is not yielding anything; at least if you come out of that interest makes your husband to realize that he is missing something in this married life.
    I can't understand most men are like this...ummm...in this world can a husband behave like this?
     
  8. sstha

    sstha Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,

    What you are excepting is normal and every ladies would love to get surprises.

    Even we did not go for a honeymoon nor he buys gift on valentines day. We had a love marriage its been 6 months we are married. He doesnt like these terms honeymoon valentines day as such.But he took me for a road trip during new year, buys me surprise gift but not on valentines day. he got me surprise gift this week, i asked him you could have waited for a week, he is doesnt like gifting on valentine's day.

    May be even your DH is different he doesnt like these termed festivals to romance.

    As long as your DH is caring and loving dont worry about anything else. These vacations you can do any time in your life. You can change him as time goes by. As long as his relationship with your parents and you are good dont worry about these things. Each person is different and you cannot change them in few months. they have been living this life for past 25 to 30 years like this. It will take time.
     
  9. nigu

    nigu Silver IL'ite

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    Our is a love marriage both of us are unromantic dumbs ..
    Atleast on my side I'm 10% better than him .

    Some people are not expresive manily guys . They are not expresive like ladies .
    We are emotional to the peak where they are not .
    trying to push those people to express and be emotional will push them more to the shell.

    When we were discussing this topic with my friend who had an arranged marriage she said some people are very expressive where they say "I love you" to their wife when they drop of the Phone call,Stck their marriage photo all round their cubicle and divorce her the next day so whats the meaning of love here .Is it to prove to other people that they are the closeset couple in the world .I felt all the points she said was very valid .

    Some people care and love a lot but they have a problem with expressing it .
    When you want a honeymoon , why cant you arrange for it just on a week end start on friday afternoon and return on Monday Morning , You can arrange a romantic dinner for him on anniversary , may be by doing all this he will get to know what sort of person you are .
     
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  10. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Hmm...This is the red flag .If a guy is the vegging out type(plenty of those out there)
    he will be that way with everyone.
    It appears that he is that way only to you. My gut feeling..he had a past.
    Time for u to know about it.
     

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