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feeling low

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by nia32, Feb 10, 2012.

  1. nia32

    nia32 New IL'ite

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    I don't know if my husband loves me or not. I don't know if he married me out of his will or not... He s never taken me on a honeymoon. never celebrated my birthday . never celebrated our anniversary and we ve been married for a little over a year now...

    I have mentioned my should i say dissatisfaction about this...

    valentines day is approaching and i see my friends planning stuff for their wives and i feel jealous...i want that romance too...i want a honeymoon, i want that romantic dinner on my birthday... i want a surprise on my anniversary...
    Am i asking for too much?
    Is it normal for a guy to be this way
     
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  2. nowhere

    nowhere Senior IL'ite

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    does your H abuse you verbally or physically? does he treat your family well? Does he support you in other aspects? Does he care for you when you are tired or ill? How is his behavior otherwise?

    Have an open conversation with your H so he knows your feelings.
     
  3. nia32

    nia32 New IL'ite

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    He treats me very well except that he is so disinterested in doing anything or going out anywhere. never been abused...

    I ve spoken with him about it and he usually says stressed at work or something...but then we ve been married for a year and half now...he kept saying no vacay for honeymoon n then he had so much vacay that it got lapsed.. i don't know what the deal is coz he hasn't told me inspire of me repeatedly asking him
     
  4. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Niya,

    It could well be that he is unable to take much leave in this existing climate of job insecurity. People have lot of leave available on paper but unable to avail of it. If finding a job is tough, keeping one is even tougher. Sad state of affairs, but then that is the way it is.
     
  5. chandy939

    chandy939 Silver IL'ite

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    Why don't you take a step fwd.I was almost in a similar situation like yours...except that we did go on a honeymoon.My first birthday after marriage was dinner with DH and Fil :bonk

    Then I started by suprising DH on bday,anniversary...so now I don't feel shameless in asking what is he buying for me.

    Plan some special dinner or bake a cake for him :)
     
  6. blessed

    blessed Platinum IL'ite

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    No dear u r not asking to much.. your expectations are like any other normal girl would in a marriage life.

    Your hubby is like 90% of the men who are not demonstrative but respond if we take the initiative.

    There is no need to crave for honey moon, if you try to make your life everyday colorful, week end outings , watching TV sitting closely , chatting about our past beautiful memories ... are some of things u can do..
     
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  7. divyasselvan

    divyasselvan Silver IL'ite

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    It is absolutely normal.
    One of my relative is asking his brother and his wife to accompany him during his honeymoon!!! So guys sometimes dont understand the necessity of going alone with wife :) . So dont worry about Honeymoon now.. IT is now better to start focussing on how to resolve your issue...

    When I got surprise cake, surprise gift for my hubby on his birthday he only scolded me for spending so much money.. I got big bulb.. actually he has never celebrated bday with a cake so he got nervous.. and he doesnt know that we expect gifts, surprises etc..

    So I expressed my expectation of having surprises (read : torture) and now he is like, we shall go here, we shall go there (he would say.. but wouldn't take me.. thats a different story).. but only if we express they will understand.. But you must not keep nagging him.. instead you plan the surprise like cooking his fav food, dress in different style, add some decoration, take some hard copies of your photo and paste it in your room,etc etc.

     
  8. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Plan a nice surprise for him this Valentine, make arrangements for holidays , dinners. Take the lead. Women are so influenced by romantic movies and books that they forget that some men are not like filmy heroes!
    Your DH is a gentleman, maybe he doesnt know how to express his love or be romantic thats all.
    Many men fear that DW will not like the gift they select(which is true) so dont buy any!
     
  9. bukbuk

    bukbuk Silver IL'ite

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    I think women's expectations from partner has increased dramatically owing to Karan Johar and Yash Chopra movies. My mantra is do things for your hubby that you'd like him to do for you. 'Give' before you can 'Take'. For all you know he may pick some clues and just try to give that back, which still isn't too bad.
     
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  10. newgal

    newgal New IL'ite

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    In my case, it was/is the same and I always wondered why he was like that, and always refusing without a clear answer, even after my asking shamelessly on those days to go out for dinner or something small like that. Recently, I have figured out the reason - he is a stingy bastard.
     

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