Feeling Hurt!!

sensitivegal · Jun 28, 2016

Hello ladies how are you all doing?,

I have been hurt by one of my close friend recently.I thought to vent here. I truly encourage the concept of catharsis. There is no use bottling up your emotions. Indusladies is a great platform for such things!!
I underwent lot of hardship previous year due to differences between me and my husband. All though there is no major problems between both of us, small thingd were blown out proportion due to egoism and mil issues added to it. But right now everything is normal. I will be back to usa with my hubby. We both have learnt lessons and right now I am in happy state of my life!!
This close friend of mine helped me a lot during those hard days, she consoled me and supported me throughout. We are friends from childhood since 13 years. Far relatives too. We both used to share our stories, we were very close buddies. Right now she is having bad phase in her life , her husband is harrassing her for dowry and hitting her, i was so concerned about her. But she stopped messaging me and calling. Whenever I did she never responded, I was worried why all of sudden she is distancing me?
Now yesterday she called me saying her phone was hacked by hubby so she didn't reply. She didn't talk proper and on that in between talks she gives a blatant comment stating " some people travel and have good life but dont have baby only , how sad ... I know it was targeted at me!! I felt shocked how can one of best of best friends conment on an senstive topic?! ( actually i have been married for 3 years now, this is the 4th.. We wanted to have baby after two years but last year due to differences i was in india.. Now only i am going back, it doesnt mean i have pblm)
Ladies...., i am extreamly sad on her blatant comment!! Please suggest me how to deal with this feeling!

One more question... Is it like you have baby earlier the marriags then only it is good? How come! My great grand mother had her first child at the age of 17 .. I am unable to understand this thinking process! Please share your inputs.

kcb · Jun 28, 2016

@sensitivegal,

I understand it really hurts when someone close to us either family member or friends passes a negative comment about us. It means she is not your real friend. She is just a friend. True friends never hurt us.

I agree she helped you in your down time, as a courtesy you also help her now in her down time and ignore her comments. Next time if she comments again, tell her clearly that having baby or not is your choice and you are happy with whatever you have and she need not worry about your life. Answer her back, so that she will never comment like that.

First of all marriage, having kids or whatever, they are all personal choices of individuals, others do not have right to comment. You said, you do not have any health problems in conceiving....for example: if you have a problem also, that's shouldn't be others issue, why other people should be bothered about that? and you should not feel guilty or ashamed, as everything is not in our hands. Or may be you are preferring other choices of life style. Everyone has their own preferences.

Be confident for what you are, it's your life and you have 100% right to live your life as you wish. If people accept this truth, then only they become our true well wishers and friends.

Good luck for your new start. Hope you will have very good and peaceful relation with your husband.

yellowmango · Jun 28, 2016

Op....you know the reality of her life.She is just taking out her frustrations on you.
Forgive her this time...but just once.
Tell her about Indus ladies ,so she can come and vent here instead of taking it out on you.

JGVR · Jun 28, 2016

Some people like to shut down and distance themselves completely when they have problems rather than seeking help.Your friend is one.Give her some time and be cordial with her.

Also she doesn't know what to speak when she is frustrated.Forgive her once and focus on your life.

sensitivegal · Jun 28, 2016

Thanks dear for your reply. But to tell you the word " true" stuck to me here. Nobody is perfect in a relationship. I love my mom but I hurt her sometimes that doesn't mean I am not a true daughter. We all hurt yet times.what is your take on this?

Yes you are right. No one can comment on our personal choices regarding our life. But since she didn't directly comment I didn't back answer.. And these days i am frustrated some nosy people asking me why no baby?! Blah blah.. I get irritated.. I chose my career,marriage,friends, finally wen to have baby... Why some people are so immatured!! ? Thanks for your inputs

sensitivegal · Jun 28, 2016

kcb said: ↑

understand
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sensitivegal said: ↑

Thanks dear for your reply. But to tell you the word " true" stuck to me here. Nobody is perfect in a relationship. I love my mom but I hurt her sometimes that doesn't mean I am not a true daughter. We all hurt yet times.what is your take on this?

Yes you are right. No one can comment on our personal choices regarding our life. But since she didn't directly comment I didn't back answer.. And these days i am frustrated some nosy people asking me why no baby?! Blah blah.. I get irritated.. I chose my career,marriage,friends, finally wen to have baby... Why some people are so immatured!! ? Thanks for your inputs
Click to expand...

sensitivegal · Jun 28, 2016

It is also true that she is trying to distance herself ... She needs her me time now..so I did not trouble her anymore.. She might have also be frustrated as two of you above stated.unable to understand her feelings behind her words!

Thanks ladies for your replies!

SCk · Jun 28, 2016

sensitivegal said: ↑

It is also true that she is trying to distance herself ... She needs her me time now..so I did not trouble her anymore.. She might have also be frustrated as two of you above stated.unable to understand her feelings behind her words!

Thanks ladies for your replies!
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You reply sounds cool!
Wish you have a great life ahead
All the best

sensitivegal · Jun 28, 2016

Thanks dear and you too

SCk said: ↑

You reply sounds cool!
Wish you have a great life ahead
All the best
Click to expand...

!!

deepthyanoop · Jun 29, 2016

Hi,
It seems your friend may be very frustrated in her life.. she may be finding peace in convincing herself that other people too had several problems in their lives. That may be the reason of her comments like "some people have good life, but don't have baby". Don't take it to to your heart. Like one poster above suggested tell her about this site and forum.

Now, I will tell you my experience. Like you, me and my husband also decided to have kids only after some years of marriage. Everyone around us asked me too.."why no kids, any problems"?? ... Yes, society is like that only dear. Always eager to know about others, even if they themselves had too much to handle in their life. I replied everyone with a smile that there is no problems.We will have kids when we are ready.Infact I told every nosy aunty I had met that" Aunty, you will be the first one to know the good news, I promise . So please, if you are confident in your decision,don't let others words hurt you!!