Feeling hurt....

yellowdazy86 · Mar 4, 2016

Hi
I am looking for some suggestions..
Last week my H transferred my fee money to fils US based friend as my fil took money from him in inr. Also he asked me to give him my emergency fund in india(my mom gave me some money on her retirement) which i refused later.
I felt my H behaviour very irresponsible and i told him the same. i said that before transferring money he should have atleast priortize the needs and this amount was saved by me for my fee to which he dint reply and then started the silent treatment.
I was also silent for 7 8 days, yesterday he came home and tried to be overly sweet. i thought he might have understood the issue but he enquired about my paycheck. he asked '' your employer should have given you a paycheck by now'' i was like no not yet. then he said i am a little bit tight of funds and so we will need money.
This hurt me a lot, first he spend money which was earned by me though small, and i saved that amount for my fee... without asking he transferred all the amount.. if it would have been an emergency i wouldnt have objected but there wasnt any. After that silent treatment and again same thing.
Now i am feeling very depressed. I am feeling like my position as a wife means nothing to him, i am just for cleaning house, making good food for him
During my last visit to india i cried every single day, he made my life hell and he did this just to show his mom that i mean nothing to him.
He disrespected me in front of everyone.
All these thoughts are now running in my mind. I am trying to focus on my studies but i cant..
i ahve a feeling of emptiness, yesterday he gave a big lecture on a 70 $ hydro bill where when his parents ask he takes loan from his frens, from bank and gives them in fraction of second.
If they taunt me, what wrong they said, he never acknowledge and if i reply them either nicely,( i am like a person who cant raise voice against anyone)then he blasts on me.
My frens call me as the best person they hv met but at home i am being treated like trash.........

I dont know.. please ladies help me, i ahve seen wonderful suggestions on this website..hoping to get suggestions for my life too.
Please come up and help with your life experiences.

vaidehi71 · Mar 4, 2016

Hi,

Have no solution for this unless you discuss it with your husband again. You have told you have separate accounts, then how did your husband transfer the amount.

Seems four years into marriage and still having same problems. You are the only one to make him realize. Seems really absurd to use your fee money, especially noting that the fee was earned by you doing small jobs.

Your ILs are enjoying at the expense of your husband. I do agree he can spend some amount but not to the extent of taking loans/credit to give them. He lacks financial planning.

As to the statement of him telling that he has been living with his mum for 25 years, just ignore it. My dh had also told such statements after marriage, but the situation is upside down now. Time will make them realize those things.

Discuss again, no need to raise your voice, but be affirmative about your decision and let your husband know it.

Take care,
Vaidehi

inboxsweetee · Mar 4, 2016

I see Lack of Planning from UR husband especially financial matters. But I wonder why this difference my money and his money rather why both of you plan together

Also I think he likes him spending not you .. but some how..

I hope you should talk to him , sit and discuss expenses , savings , budget for both .

Financial planning together will sort out the problem. Also give time to each other not just work so relation lasts in love ....not just discussions

No need to raise voice again another stress in mind and unhealthy to body. Hope everything will change with time.

All the very best.

yellowdazy86 said: ↑

Hi
I am looking for some suggestions..
Last week my H transferred my fee money to fils US based friend as my fil took money from him in inr. Also he asked me to give him my emergency fund in india(my mom gave me some money on her retirement) which i refused later.
I felt my H behaviour very irresponsible and i told him the same. i said that before transferring money he should have atleast priortize the needs and this amount was saved by me for my fee to which he dint reply and then started the silent treatment.
I was also silent for 7 8 days, yesterday he came home and tried to be overly sweet. i thought he might have understood the issue but he enquired about my paycheck. he asked '' your employer should have given you a paycheck by now'' i was like no not yet. then he said i am a little bit tight of funds and so we will need money.
This hurt me a lot, first he spend money which was earned by me though small, and i saved that amount for my fee... without asking he transferred all the amount.. if it would have been an emergency i wouldnt have objected but there wasnt any. After that silent treatment and again same thing.
Now i am feeling very depressed. I am feeling like my position as a wife means nothing to him, i am just for cleaning house, making good food for him
During my last visit to india i cried every single day, he made my life hell and he did this just to show his mom that i mean nothing to him.
He disrespected me in front of everyone.
All these thoughts are now running in my mind. I am trying to focus on my studies but i cant..
i ahve a feeling of emptiness, yesterday he gave a big lecture on a 70 $ hydro bill where when his parents ask he takes loan from his frens, from bank and gives them in fraction of second.
If they taunt me, what wrong they said, he never acknowledge and if i reply them either nicely,( i am like a person who cant raise voice against anyone)then he blasts on me.
My frens call me as the best person they hv met but at home i am being treated like trash.........

I dont know.. please ladies help me, i ahve seen wonderful suggestions on this website..hoping to get suggestions for my life too.
Please come up and help with your life experiences.
Click to expand...

yellowmango · Mar 4, 2016

OP,it is not just your in laws who are exploiting but also your husband.
I think this will continue till there is money for you to give.
How big is the amount given by your parents?I won't be surprised if these loan payment emergencies will continue till every single paisa of that money changes hand.

If I were in your place,I would return this money to parents and ask them to either invest for you or keep it for a rainy day.Your husband is a greedy opportunistic man.

Whatever you earn,keep it safe for your education because as I see things,that is your one chance at a secure future.Keep whatever you earn to pay your fees.

For now,put your head inside your books and study because that is your future.Don't
expect husband to take care of you.

Learn to say no ...and work on your self esteem.If you do well and get a good job...may be you will also become more confident.

Think about making the emergency money inaccessible to him.Either put it into something that can not be touched or ask parents to invest it for your else this drama will continue .

Gladimeir15 · Mar 5, 2016

What your husband is doing is not good! If I were you better teach this man a lesson. Don't let him use you to supply not just his needs. He should be the one supporting your family not you. It is good if you give a share but not to be forced. You are saving for your future but he is not. Enough is enough for that man. Talk to her and tell him your stand as a wife. Don't be afraid you have your rights, practice it. Good luck.

soulful · Mar 5, 2016

I am with Yellow Mango. This seems to be a scheme to get you to part with your money given by parents. Give that back to your parents and block it in some kind of investment.

The money you earned for your fees - keep it in a separate account henceforth, so that no one other than you can touch it.

Your H needs to manage his family with his own funds. Focus on your education and get a job ASAP. Sooner you stand on your legs, better the chances of you getting respect from these people.