Feeling hurt guilty sad - second baby!

Discussion in 'Pregnancy & Labor' started by ammani, Jul 5, 2013.

  1. ammani

    ammani Gold IL'ite

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    RAkhii,

    this was unexpected... gyn even said "i forgot to mention this to you that if the fetus has some problem (some genetic or some deformity)... it will abort itself (ie miscarriage)"... i have heard this same thing from another gyn (one of my relative had conceived and miscarried exactly 2 months after conceiving (this was just in may this year)....

    after the two incidents i am bit okay regarding babu (the one who left us)... thinking may be he didnt want to hurt us more by coming into the world with problems (deformity, short life span etc)... may be he wished to be healthy and is waiting around me to come soon! (typing this itself i felt good... imagining it feels awesome!)

    i believe even GOD wanted me to have some special moments with my son... which are special each passing day...

    Thank you GOD for teaching me a new lesson!
    ammani
     
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  2. ammani

    ammani Gold IL'ite

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    *** sorry dono how to address you***

    its a difficult phase... i cant mourn openly... he (DS) doesnt like anyone sad... when i ignore him when he throws his tantrum itself he comes close to me sits on my lap and hugs me tight and do something to make me laugh (pretend to tickle etc).. i pushed it out (i know i sound so bad here as if i am saying chalo aafat tal gayi!) but i have no choice... (not only for DS sake... my parents sake also esp my mom if she hears my voice she can make out my mood!... i cant do that to her when she is so far from me)

    yes DS did take me out of the mourning phase (his tantrums, masti started as soon as this happened.... i could not help but laugh and not cry)... but sometimes i used to get flashes of what happened in the hospital room... the blood the flushing etc...so decided to write it down here... DH is fully supportive... he gives me surprises... took me on a trip esp during his bday this year (i think he remembered i will feel bad if i am at home as due date would have been his bday itself)...

    his bday was well celebrated with close family... we could not do it on a big scale as we planned (we had restrictions for 2 months after chicken pox... we were told not to have outside food, water etc)..

    ammani
     
  3. hotchillipepper

    hotchillipepper Gold IL'ite

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    You can address me as usha. Try to think from the angle of your beloved babu. He would like you to get back to life and not to miss him too much. So that he can also be free and move ahead in his spiritual journey. He was so kind that he spared all the burden of lifetime for you. Try to get out alone for sometime, to temple or anywhere else where you can go alone and pray for yourself. I am sure with time everything will be fine. This will also pass dear. You have all our blessings and love with you.
     
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  4. ammani

    ammani Gold IL'ite

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    rakhii,
    you are saying about one insensitive nurse at that clinic... if i tell you about my actual delivery story (gondu's actual birth story) i cant imagine the responses i will get. one thing everyone will decide is delivery abroad is good! i have written it down will surely post it sometime.
    though have gone through tough times i havent lost my faith that one day GOD will bless me only happiness!! light of faith hope still burning. try me anytime is wat i say!
     
  5. sdiva20

    sdiva20 Platinum IL'ite

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    Ammani- So very sorry to hear of your loss. Sometimes it hard for many to understand the pain of miscarriage or stillborn etc. as it does not feel as real to others. But I think for the parents especially the mother, its very real from the very first day. No matter how much you love you son and subsequent children, the baby you lost will always be in your thoughts. One can only pray that God give you strength to cope with that loss.

    What Radiant flower wrote about angel whispering " too beautiful for earth" brought tears to the eyes. I remember reading about someone in IL having two miscarriages- she wrote something about asking God to take care of her angles. I was very sad when I read that. Later I also read her happy post where she said she was expecting another baby.

    Love your son, remember your baby. Like you said, he or she will come back healthy and give you much joy.
     
  6. Saisakthi

    Saisakthi IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Ammani Sister,

    Cheer my dear, your Babu will soon be with again, Please feel blessed that God had different plans, and chose you to have that Soul (Babu) liberated through your womb, how lucky you are to be a chosen child of the Lord.

    I hear ... in reality it is a loss but ... all our life is predetermined and come down to Mother Earth with a worked out Balance Sheet of Debits (Pavam) and Credits (Puniya) and so Babu had a short term and that was through you, feel happy that he is going to bless you with the Brilliant healthy Babu again getting nurtured soon to be born in your family.

    I have sailed the same boat with an unexpected pregnancy at the age of 38 and the same circumstances as yours, Dh had chicken pox and that was on a foreign soil when we had gone to attend an Asian Conference, Dh's business was at its crucial juncture and had no one to take care, but later realized that BABA's plans were different, miscarried at 18+ weeks ... Oh !!! its a long ...

    May baba bless you soon and give you strength to be hale and healthy and get ready for welcoming BABU into your home. Sairam, Take Care
     
  7. galwidpassion

    galwidpassion Silver IL'ite

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    oh dear!! So sorry for your loss. Sometimes God has other plans and we just have to accept them. Don't worry.. Think positively and take good care. See on the bright side, you already have a lovely DS and you can plan again for second pregnancy after some time. Just think of it as some testing time for you and ur DH.
     
  8. Vasumathy

    Vasumathy Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Ammani,
    Very sorry to hear about your last one. Sometimes things happen for some unknown reasons. There is no point i worrying about the past things as we have no control over them. Hope sooner or later you will hold your second one without troubles. Till then pass all your love to the first one. He will more happy than ever.
    Relax & move forward in your life. Take care of yourself!
     
  9. ammani

    ammani Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you all for the concern!

    get over it slowly... my son keeps me occupied all the time only when i am all alone and he is sleeping i remember all these things... but nowadays he doesnt sleep much during day time... and because of the changing weather raining heavily few days and some days sparse rain and heat he is getting irritated during night sleep also... and is cranky whole the time! so i dont get time to be alone at all from past 3-4 days...

    i am eagerly waiting for the other one to come in to my life... my two angels!
     

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