Feeling hurt guilty sad - second baby!

Discussion in 'Pregnancy & Labor' started by ammani, Jul 5, 2013.

  1. ammani

    ammani Gold IL'ite

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    [JUSTIFY]Hello everyone,

    i dono if i have already told this here..

    when my son was 11 months old (it was just last year end) i was surprised to know i had conceived again! adding to that surprise my DH came down with Chicken pox... and i had a hell of a time managing my 11 month old alone who wanted his dad all the time all alone.. .my mom came down to help... by that time my son too was infected and diagnosed with chicken pox... when we were about to tell mom about the pregnancy (another grand child for her!) i too was infected (though mild infection few boils)... when we were about to come out of this thing... general physician we went to for some medicine to get relief from itching of boils said i shouldnt continue with this pregnancy! :spin he said the child will be deformed (they wont have brain development (as in no brain at all) or limbs missing (hand or feet missing) or other deformities!) and even if no deformity baby wont survive much and i had to go for abortion (i fought with DH to keep it however the baby might be.. .he too agreed but on point that we check with gyn first about the same... )

    we visited a good gyn (far from our home up and down 2 hours travel time!).. he too was against me keeping the kid... but said will check again in week's time (it was just 1.5 month so told me to come in 2 weeks for check up and then decision)

    GOD had other plans... while going for checkup second time... i miscarried the fetus on the way there (i was bleeding like hell... thank god i didnt swoon seeing that much blood!) again in the hospital+clinic i was told to wait.. (lost more blood there).. i was feeling dizzy (when i told the nurse so.. i was rushed to gyn who gave me tab to abort completely) after taking that i was feeling more dizzy... but was told to change to a hospital gown (that too they didnt help me i did it myself... i had to clean my bloody clothes too(told me not to discard anything but wash :rant)... i was about to swoon seeing (i am not able to type it) but still cleaned and dumped in a bag) and was told to lie down... after sometime bleeding was less and felt better.. was under observation for 3-4 hours (dono how DH managed DS alone that too a 11 month old then! thank god he was with me during the checkup... :bowdown i cant think what would i do if i was all alone!) we came back home... (i was feeling so bad that i lost my babu...)

    now also when i see my son i remember this and feel hurt sad guilty about my babu...(the lost one)... i cant get over it... outwardly no1 comes to know not even DH but i feel it everytime i watch DS in front... it really hurts... i dono how to get it out of my system... sorry just a vent (felt like typing it out when i read people saying and congratulating each other about second one or third!)

    ammani :cry::shock::-:)|

    [/JUSTIFY]

    PS: MOD if its in wrong place please move!
     
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  2. ssm014

    ssm014 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi ammani

    Hugs to you dear..!!

    Its a tough thing you have gone through, but it was not in your hands...just think that God has snatched the baby away to avoid health problems as stated by the gynaec..

    in fact every time you see your gonduz, you should be happy and forget all your troubles,...

    p.S maybe you can start trying for baby #2 as well...:)
     
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  3. Chitravivek

    Chitravivek Platinum IL'ite

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    Ammani,

    I can feel and relate to your pain. I too lost a baby last december at 11.5weeks. The worst thing to happen. I have DD and the one i lost was DS. We had tough time to cope up and the only way I thought I would come out is by conceiving again. If you have passed your mark the doc gave you(here its 3 months after a miscarriage), then why dont you start trying againg. Trust nothing can compensate a lost one. Had I carried the baby to term he would have born yesterday.. so I can remeber everything. Above all I had D & C on my birthday so my Birthday's will never be teh same ever. I am telling you thing to make you feel better.. Worst things happen but we need to figure a way out. Take time and see if you want conceive again. Talk to your DH about it.
     
  4. RadiantFlower

    RadiantFlower Platinum IL'ite

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    Aww sweetheart, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious little one.

    An Angel in the book of life wrote down the baby's birth and whispered as she closed the book - "too beautiful for earth"

    May you find strength in the days and months ahead to get through this difficult time. Loads of love to you.
     
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  5. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    I am so sorry for your loss Ammani, hugs to you. I dont know what to say. Terrible thing to happen.
     
  6. ammani

    ammani Gold IL'ite

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    thank u everyone. this happened almost near to my son's bday so a reminder there and if the baby was there my due date was dh bday. exactly same day! so i just couldnt be happy that day but had to pretend. i have been speaking about another but dh saying wait few months till v put son to play school next year (had planned this year to encourage to speak but seeing his pick up now postponed 2 next year) i will have potty trained him as well by then mostly! i was waiting 4 june 2b over so i can plan 5 yr of togetherness ( yes it will be 5 yrs of our marriage next month.) im keeping myself distracted from those thoughts with son's pranks n celebration planning! but inside still hurts and i cant seen to forget it esp flushing...... still feeling as if i pulled it by my hands n flushed...
     
  7. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    I still fail to understand, how can the hospital and nurses be so insensitive? How could they let you do that?! Its not like you are not paying them. Frigging idiots!! I am sorry about my language but thats outrageous.
     
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  8. hotchillipepper

    hotchillipepper Gold IL'ite

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    Dear OP, We are extremely sorry to hear about the loss. This indeed is extremely difficult phase for you. I can only say that please try not to associate one child with another. Your DS is the gift of God to you. It might sound strange but he is going to be the one who will take you out of this phase of depression. There is no harm in crying your heart out as much as you can. Mourning is good in its own sense. I believe its a step toward adequate closure. Your husband will understand and support you. Give yourself ample of time to come out of it and try not to link one child with another. Your son deserve his mother to be full of happiness on his birthday(i can understand this is still fresh so this particular bday you couldnt smile with whole heart but if you link all your DS bday with this loss, imagine the injustice for the first child). I would recommend that when you look at your DS next time, try reminding yourself to thank God for granting him one lovely child. Lots of hugs.
     
  9. hotchillipepper

    hotchillipepper Gold IL'ite

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    This truly is outrageous.
     
  10. Flyhighbluesky

    Flyhighbluesky Silver IL'ite

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    Bad things happen..but we have no choice but to move on..it helps if we hope for the better and believe that it will be better at any cost... Try as much to think positively... God bless you
    Do take care..
    Hugs
     

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