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Feeling Guilty For Not Throwing A Birthday Party:(

Discussion in 'Birthday Party Planning' started by anika987, Nov 17, 2018.

  1. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    This year taking my kid for a vacation on her birthday and celebrating her birthday in school and passing out goody bags.

    Another mom was super proactive and somehow got the numbers of all
    Parents and invited all the kids to
    The party.It was nice of her but I feel
    Guilty now for not throwing one and be proactive like her..

    Will I look bad in the eyes of other parents as I have a decent friendly relationship with them.I am nice to everyone and they are to me but I don’t go about hanging out,be proactive and arrange play dates or birthday parties..
     
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  2. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    no need to feel guilty. no one else will remember other than you that it was your dayghters b'day, just nake it memorable to the kid.

    if you still feel like throwing a party, you can do it after you back back, I am throwing a party after two weeks because we could not plan it earlier,
     
    anika987 likes this.
  3. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks dear..now more parents are keeping the party back to back..feeling a bit stressed and hubby was like “why do you feel forced.do what you feel is right and next year we can keep mine.now in the last minute after getting so many invites,if you do one it will look forced”..

    Well peer pressure already started:)
    Just that I don’t want to be judged
     
  4. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    Keep your normal way of doing things. Loading children with too much attention is not necessarily making them happier.

    from: source
    Two toddlers have just chased each other to the top of a climbing frame and are jostling to get down the slide first. Their mothers are lost in conversation on a nearby park bench. In the distance, a dog barks and a little boy ambles along on his balance bike, trailed by his grandfather who is pushing a buggy. A gang of older children in tracksuits comes racing along the bike path, laughing and joking. They overtake a young mum who is cycling more slowly, balancing a baby in a seat on the front of her bike and a toddler on the back. A group of girls is playing piggy-in-the-middle on the grass, their joyful shrieks filling the air. Not far away, some boys are perfecting their skateboarding moves. None of the school-age children is accompanied by adults.

    This happy scene isn’t from a movie. It’s just a regular Wednesday afternoon in springtime in Amsterdam’s Vondelpark, a scene enacted all across the Netherlands every day.

    In 2013, a Unicef report rated Dutch children the happiest in the world. According to researchers, Dutch kids are ahead of their peers in childhood wellbeing when compared with 29 of the world’s richest industrialised countries. The United Kingdom came 16th and the United States ranked 26th, just above Lithuania, Latvia and Romania – the three poorest countries in the survey. Children from the Netherlands were in the top five in each of the categories assessed: material wellbeing; health and safety; education; behaviours and risks; and housing and environment. In fact, the Dutch scored highest for behaviours and risks, as well as for education (a category in which the UK came 24th).

    I recommend the full article (at source in link above the excerpt) for mums who feel less adequate.
     
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  5. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Thank you for this article:)
    Interestingly when I was young my father used to have each of my birthday parties like a wedding!but..honestly I don’t remember much and I feel bad not remembering..

    If you personally ask me..for me I prefer being low key.

    I do celebrate their birthday in school..got awesome goody bags for all the kids, and hope they will be happy..
     
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  6. Happysteve

    Happysteve New IL'ite

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    Succumbing to peer pressure will end up in giving up all your values. If your kid in matured enough to understand, you can tell her that for the money you spend you can get her the best gift which is worth. We live in Dubai, we undergo same pressure, this year my daughter was insisting to celebrate her birthday big way, but we were not interested, because we have to celebrate and have numbers we used to call who are not really our well wishers. We made her understand that it's not necessary we have to do the same that others do. Two things happen, you are not influencing her with stress going around you and you are teaching her. You need to think what is most important to you as a parent, most importantly what do you want you children to learn. Don't worry about that, we are constantly under pressure because of technology and social media.
     
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  7. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    Would you stop and wonder how many other moms you might annoy by giving away g-bags to all their children ? :smirk: Add that thought to your bag of guilt, and enjoy.
     
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  8. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    So true..
    Thanks so much:)
     
  9. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Gold IL'ite

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    I remember my childhood days..when birthdays during school days would meant wearing "colour dress "( no uniform).. And distributing chocolates to class mates and teachers, sometimes kids from well to do families would also give pencils, wafers, stationery items etc additionally to class mates..that feeling of being special, everyone singing happy birthday ..and selecting toffees to distribute...really it was something...
    I came from a humble background, so till middle school my birthday celebration was just restricted to buying one new dress, distributing simple toffees to classmates, and later at home a small get together or outing with just immediate family members , parents and grandparents..maybe a small outing followed by dinner...
    Only once during my primary school days I had a birthday party at home with friends from my apartment complex..that too because I was very eager and begged parents and they didn't wanna disappoint me..they slogged like anything to buy and arrange and serve eatables, juice, cake , snacks etc to all kids attending my party..it's not easy managing active young kids at one place, and the elaborate post- party cleanup that followed...of course I love the gifts that I got..one of my neighbour gave me a small Barbie doll which was a big deal for me..(Barbie dolls were so popular those days, maybe still are)
    after that I didn't have any such birthday parties with kids, only small celebration with family members..
    I have always been a sensitive and sensible girl and didn't demand parties as I realised the amount of effort and expense going into birthday parties..
    One more important thing is that, we can't accept expensive gifts from someone just like that..for example that neighbour gifted me a barbie doll which was slightly costly by those days standards..if that neighbour's kid invites us to their birthday party I would have to gift an equally costly birthday present ,right?would it be practical for us?
    I have attended many birthday parties of friends, and have enjoyed myself and given modest gifts but it's the happy times with friends I remember and not the elaborate arrangements made..
    Keeping this in mind I didn't have any bday parties during my childhood days..even during college days I celebrated with close friends, with me treating them to a lunch or movie outing and them giving me a small gift that they would have shared and contributed together..really I didn't feel anything lacking ...
    Sorry to digress here...maybe I'm going off topic..but the subject of birthday parties kind of reminded me..
    maybe if I were in your place I wouldn't bother handing out goody bags to all classmates..maybe just chocolates..and a small outing with the kid and close family members maybe later on just taking the closest circle of friends to lunch or a small outing for a lunch treat ..but that's just me..I like to limit celebration to people who matter and I don't understand the hype behind extravagant parties!
    My reply maybe out of context as I grew up in 80s and 90s in India while this is the 2010s and in the U.S. Where the culture is different..
    There is no need to feel guilty at all...go enjoy the vacation and buy your kid a nice gift for her special day!
     
    sindmani likes this.
  10. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan Finest Post Winner

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    :hello:Most peaceful least gossip pure fun no other parents judging and or grumbling when celebration confine to your wards class room.
    2. But if one is keen in hobnobbing and gathering knowledge and know how’s and vicinity shop keeping geography, a separate party with parents of class mates of your ward wouldn’t a world of good!
    3. In modern world the importance of availing every kind of opportunity to enlarge friends’ circle is emphasised which might not cost much but in the long run bound to pay rich dividends.
    God likes and lives in kids - part or not.
     
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