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Feeling Guilty About Robbing Hubbys Sleep For Intimacy

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by poi098, Jul 17, 2017.

  1. poi098

    poi098 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hubby and I are in a long distance relationship currently. He is in the city only for 2 days.
    We spend barely 2 or 3 nights together in the week. Of which 2 are post\pre travelling (day spent in travelling, so need rest at night). So we are left with 1 night.I ask him for 1 night to be intimate - but he dozes off to sleep even if he gets up at 10 am that morning and has taken a nap in the afternoon - i can understand hes tired after travelling all week - but come on yaar, all i ask is to compromise on one nights sleep. When i want to be intimate and initiate it and he rejects it and falls asleep , i go in complete self doubt - Does my husband not find me attractive? I end up taunting & berating him for preferring sleep. I also end up crying. But later i feel incredibly GUILTY !! I am totally torn between - maintaining marital relations and keeping hubby happy & healthy. Should i be feeling guilty - or is being intimate necessary ,especially in the first year of marriage?
     
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  2. ashneys

    ashneys Gold IL'ite

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    You are not wrong in expecting intimacy. It is also an essential part of a marriage.

    Imagine how big of an issue it could become if you behaved like that and just continued to say you were tired to be intimate on one night that you can.

    You are saying he's up at 10 am, has an afternoon nap n still ends up sleeping while trying to be intimate. It's weird that a newly married man (first year) can't take a few hours of his sleep to be intimate.

    There are many guys who travels home every week for one or two days from a different city, and I have seen them looking forward to spend that limited time with their spouse.

    Is he not comfortable to be intimate at his home?

    The other 5 days at work, does he get normal sleep (6-8 hours) or does he not (below 6 hours)?

    If night is making him tired, why not try during the day time like after lunch time when all are relaxed or having a nap (assuming you are living with in laws)?

    Is it possible for you to visit his place and stay at a hotel or something and spend a few days?

    Or why not take a few days off work and go on a local vacation? Somewhere close by, as it doesn't take big planning, money or many days.

    Try having a heart to heart with him and explain your expectations and ask him the real issue. And once you find the problem, come up with a solution.

    If he continues to be like this after you have tried everything, then sleeping is not the issue here.
     
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  3. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Gold IL'ite

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    Well, I know personally that bedtime intimacy is very difficult for me to enjoy, so why not change the time? Try initiating in the morning or mid-day.

    Also, if he's feeling so tired during the weekend, is he not getting enough sleep during the weekdays? If that's not the case, he might need to visit the doctor to see if it's something else that is making him sleepy.
     
  4. rupz

    rupz New IL'ite

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    Dear OP,

    )

    I am too young to advice on this but as suggested you can try travelling to his place, carry a few surprises (night wear and gifts) for him as well.

    Hope you have a great time ahead ! And remember nothing can be solved if you both don't communicate.

    bye
    Tc
     
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  5. Sags

    Sags Silver IL'ite

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    Dear OP my suggestion is if he is sleeping in the nights plan something in the afternoon or in the evening when he just woke up from a nice sleep. There is no rule that it sld happen only at night. It can happen any time and no guilt is necessary. But one thing dont push him for the sake of having it . Indulge in some actions together like having shower together or something where you end up with intimacy after that.
     
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  6. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy Gold IL'ite

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    Stop the guessing game . Ask him clearly what the issue is. Your self confidence will take a hit in the long run. So avoid all the self doubt , talk to him ASAP !
     
  7. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    There is nothing to feel guilt about this. If at all, someone is to feel bad for this mess, it should be your H, and not you.
    You guys are newly married, and it is normal to have a very active sex life during this stage.
    Since you are in a distance relationship; hence meet once in a week or so, it is utmost important to utilize this time for intimacy.
    If your H is always sleepy, that too by ignoring his and his wife's genuine sexual needs, then he must be having some health issue.
    Either low sex drive, low energy or some serious underlying issues such as BP or cholesterol or diabetes or whatever.
    In that case, please sit down with him and have an open discussion.

    If he is someone who is serious about undisturbed sleep at night (due to whatever the reason), you may initiate the act in the AM.
    For many couple, I hear that early morning sex is easy and comfortable.

    If that is not the case, why don't you get intimate in the afternoon, precisely before you both take the afternoon nap?

    Before you conclude on anything, try and see how he behaves when he is normal. You may invite him for a honeymoon too.
     
  8. Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

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    I like this chorus for the afternoon delights... Here is an old song--the lyrics version -- to go with it:
     
  9. dia3

    dia3 Silver IL'ite

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    something is wrong with ur man !
     
  10. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op..normally sex leads to better sleep.....specially for men who almost always reach orgasm.Besides sex is good for mental and physical health.
    Don't feel guilty about robbing him of sleep.You are not, unless he goes all night long..If that is the case,you need to find his pause switch.:)
     

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