Facts Of Life - Kadva Sach

Dear Vijiakka,

I have learned in my spiritual path that it is not what other's say that hurts us but our own reaction to it. I have studied my own mental state whenever someone criticizes me. My mind used to analyze how many different things I would have said in response but failed. I used to see that as missed opportunities. Similarly, I have also studied how I react when someone praises me as well. I used to conduct a celebratory function in my mind by reliving those moments. But that mind had a natural death several years back and now my mind is more balanced but for a few slips every now and then. I remain neutral of who I am as much as I take people as they are. I have no guilt or pride about how people describe me.

Viswa

 

Hi @iyerviji Aunty ,

I have come to terms with the fact that people will always say something whether we like it or not . It’s how we react to their comments is what matters in the end . In life , we cannot keep everyone happy so let’s just keep ourselves happy . In your case , if this is how your family dynamics works with him cooking and you specializing in other activities then why bother what others say . Most of the chefs or the top Michelin star chefs in the world are men so what’s the big deal if they cook at home . I just dont get it why guys are put on a pedestal or it becomes the talk of the town when they cook . Nobody gives us women laurels when we work shoulder to shoulder with men at work front and also manage the house . It’s like it’s taken for granted that this is what we women are supposed to do !

Ultimately peace of mind is the real treasure that we should hold on to no matter what so just ignore these people and do what makes you happy .

 

Do I need to know my strengths and weaknesses from someone else when I am given the discrimination power to evaluate myself? Am I not given the power to evaluate my strengths and similarly given the power to introspect and find my weaknesses? If I do it successfully, then it automatically evaluates undue and constructive criticism. My interaction with friends and family are not dependent upon whether they appreciate or criticize me. It is purely received with a balanced mind and reacted the same way.

Do I need compliments to motivate and energize myself to do things that are fulfilling to me? I believe motivating myself through complements increases my unrealistic expectations.

However, I am ready to admit I am not where I need to be and that is why I said I slip and fall many times but get up and walk towards that goal.

Viswa

 

what i understand from the episode you have reported is that that lady was only making some idle talk to pass time , she might not even have noticed what she herself was saying . Just chatting for chatting sake . Or, some people have that kind of nasty personality saying rude things to others .

If you felt bad about it , i think you were over-reacting . Perhaps you were not in your best spirits or you werefeeling weak. You know, physical weakness also makes us more emotional.
Just forget it .