Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Vedhavalli, Sep 16, 2019.
Do not pick up the early morning calls .
Let her cry. Tell her you people need to sleep.
If she troubles husband...let that be his problem. Let him deal with it .Tell him not to eat your headwith her constant complaining.
If the kids do not want to be part of the calls...let them move out of the camera range. They have rights too. they cannot be asked to live with such intrusions.
Ask husband to call them at a time convenient to all.
Talk to them for sometime and then let husband handle . Let the kids know in advance so they are prepared to talk to grand parents for some time.
They can show them their work or art or pictures etc to stay busy.
You guys need to control the amount of intrusion you allow.
Talk more on the phone and less on video chat.
Make videochats a more prepared event instead of a camera on your face any time .
I have gone through the responses of other’s empathising with your posted issues here.
2. I shall try to jot down my view points that might give few solutions or and ideas to tackle the nuisance or inconvenience whatever you call it .
The one in italics are my views and suggestions.
My in-laws literally torture me with weekend FaceTime or Skype calls, or Whatsapp video calls. I live overseas. Time difference is 12 hrs to India.
The calls go for hours. I totally understand they want to talk to their son and grandchild. But not early morning 5.30 am to 11am on Saturday Sunday morning. Which spoils my mood and entire week.
It is clear that they (in-laws) rejoice as they converse with you and hubby knowing pretty well you and your family are disturbed. The more you mention of your being inconvenienced the more they are merrier. My suggestion is make it a point to call them often and annon at your time 5.30 to 11p.m.; and be sure you contact them during week end @ hours they are fast asleep. ( this is tit for tat)
She would ask me if I made chai at 6 am when her son didn't brush, I try to say hi bye I'm fine etc. I never indulge in family talks. Because of her behavior and toxic nature. I had enough, out of respect I say hi how is health etc.
Since questions are more or less same and repeated, start telling those answers before Mil ask the questions. This will minimise the duration of your irritation on listening to her voice. Do not forget to ask whether she had brushed and her husband also finished brushing bathing etc . You have to indulge in family talk by keeping ready your counter questions keep ammunition dry they say! Continue to vanakkam namoshkar modulating your voice. Humorist the entire moment. They should be dumbfounded. Say in advance that she is always healthy. Do not ask how is her health.
She never asks me how am I how bad is winter , in my recent hiking trip I got heavy sprain I told I'm not well. She says oh nothing you complain much. See my daughter , does all work. ( Her daughter lives with her never helps mil) but mil potrays as if SIL does all work. Being DIL I never care.
If she is not asking about prevailing weather in your place it should not be a concern. The moment you say about your discomfiture Mil is bound to be happy. Let it not be told. By telling one’s owes, generally Mil’s of this type would revel in it. If she is proud of her daughter, you should tell Mil that it is not good because Exercise to Mil is prevented by Sil and Mil may soon find her parts lose its mobility due to inactivity and might need a visit or stay in hospital.
Taunts me for every occasion
The trick to avoid this trend is to train mind to ask Mil quickly a counter question
Dh says avoid them. But I can't avoid them completely because of Skype calls.
In case already you woke up, just be in bath. Let DH handle the situation with tact.
I say I'm doing breakfast lunch she has her say.
Say only milk is warming up and about to boil and run the mixie along. The effect perhaps is deleterious at the other end.
I want to shorten the calls to 20-30 min not for hours.
Run the mixie and claim noise from elsewhere.
Mil is narcissistic and toxic by nature
If this is Mil’s Nature, it will be futile to expect any positive change in her. Only Tit For Tat & constant Counter Questions might pave way for your quiet morning.
Thanks and Regards.
God - why You delight letting a few MILs to relive and enjoy their honeymoon second time at others’ Expense!
Wow... Semma idea...All the best, hope it works for you
Superb ideas Sir. Not sure about OP but I'm learning a lot from this post.
Sir awesome tips
Thank you so much Uncle. It means a lot to me.
Heartfelt appreciation for going thru all details and mind-blowing ideas.
Mixie- best part , I have tried running grinder She didn't budge.
Very true that constantly asking questions will shut her up.
I think I'm giving her power by keeping silent I thought keeping mum is best than to talk to wicked ones.
May be I should counter attack.
The real problem is she has reply and insulting replies ready.
So you know it hence keep your counter insulting and sarcastic replies ready.
Keeping silent works only in certain things. Not always.
Irritate her by calling when she is busy.
Stop picking calls on weekends when not convinient. If she calls DH that's his problem to deal not yours.
Say you are sleepy n go back to sleep. Else go work in kitchen. Don't be within the video cam range.
Don't force child to interact.
All this problem would end if your DH tells directly to his mommy that she is disturbing your early mornings.
But if he cant, then you have got now brilliant ideas to counter attack your mil with a dose of humor and sarcasm.