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Extras by Women!!!

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by hrastro, Feb 17, 2015.

  1. hrastro

    hrastro Platinum IL'ite

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    I'm sure many of us have been both working women and a stay at home

    I had listed out what I do as a SAHM other than the general housekeeping jobs - for another thread and thought I could start a positive thread on this !

    Please contribute what extras you do as a woman (working or SAHM) that benefits your immediate family, extended family and the society at large - other than the general housekeeping and the work at office (other than KPAs - key performance areas if working) !

    Let me go first !

    I remember when I was working - on my first job (before google and internet), in my 2nd month, I created a document to teach newcomers the basic steps to start off with our particular software! - My PM was quite surprised that I got the idea and executed it too! No need to tell who got a first 'Exceeds Expecations' appraisal :)

    I've been at both ends - working and SAHM

    As a working woman - (I was heading the software dept of an IT company when I left the corporate world), I also took care of my toddler, and my elderly FIL, supported his surgeries without any help and also completed my MBA parallelly! And also participated in several extended family functions and emergencies too!!

    But when my son was about 4, there was a point in my career where I thought my peace of mind was more important, and I left my job!
    Now what did I do for the past 7 years - apart from the usual work at home - housekeeping, cooking, groceries, laundry

    Paid work -


    1. Taken up paid projects on and off - I wanted to donate wheel chairs to the spastic children when my FIL passed away - So I wrote practice questions for IIT-JEE maths training institutes - and used that money for buying 2 wheel chairs - not that my DH would refuse, but because I wanted to do it myself!
    2. I take maths classes and vedic maths classes - I teach from classes 6-12th! I get paid ! The entire amount goes to the bridge school that educates and feeds slum children
    3. Wanted to make my kitchen tupperwarized - I did a 1 month software project and got the cash ;-)
    4. I wanted to buy a laptop for myself - did the same again!


    Unpaid work:


    1. I used to take weekly balvihar classes - teach kids slokas, bhajans, stories from our epics and history, value education etc.
    2. Raise awareness about what are the support systems available for disabled kids/adults and how they can get independent - through a website (My dad is an expert on integration of the disabled into mainstream)
    3. I have created awareness about the activites of a Green organization
    4. I have created awareness about a school for special kids - and raised lot of money for them
    5. I have created awareness about an lady cardiologist who raises money and does free heart surgeries for poor children (Amitabh bachchan also supports this hospital - and I got to shake hands with him ;-))
    6. I hope everyone knows about my website http://smartkids.esy.es that I have created to raise awareness about good and bad touch for little kids (after molestation episodes in schools!)


    At home and family:


    1. Took complete care of my FIL till he was with us! Have always been the first point of call for anyone who has any sickness or emergencies - I have provided mental, emotional, physical and financial support to many family members
    2. Saved and invested my husbands salary every month (DH never bothered to see what I was doing) and was able to provide HALF of the cost of our home - so we had to take only half the loan amount!
    3. Paid all the bills for home - DH never had to bother about electricity bills or phone bills or vehicle insurance or taxes !
    4. Took care of everything about son - school, extra classes, music, reading, travelling, karate, spiritual knowledge - exams, PTMs, his nutrition, issues with friends !
    5. I try to make healthy food - that means every single masala powder I make at home, every batter I make at home, I make all kinds of food from pasta, pizza to pesarettu and dhokla to paneer tikka and momos - all made healthy with whole grain ingredients and least preservatives - son is well adjusted enough to eat all kinds of food with gusto :)
    6. I have a garden - to grow leafy vegetables and small veggies so that we get fresh stuff
    7. I play with my kid and his friends - I teach them math tricks and do science experiments


    With friends:


    1. Most of DH's friends call me for guidance when they have a cousin or nephew or niece who's starting out after college!
    2. They also call me when they need some info on the internet that ONLY I can dig out
    3. They call me when they need some work to be done online
    4. I have created customer and invoice management systems for friends who have their own business!
    5. When they buy any electronic gadget - they come to me to check if it is all safe and what to install - (And most of my DH's friends are in highest positions in software industry and still !!!)
    6. DH's friends' wives and my friends call me for any and every doubt they have regarding kids' school work - any subject - be it sanskrit or maths or science or some behavior issues - I feel lucky that I can help out!
    7. Many of my friends who are working - I make revision worksheets for them so that they can print and give their kids tests - easier for them to multitask between cooking and supervising a written test than between cooking and teaching !!
    8. One of the kids of a working mom who hates going to the creche - he used to get off at our stop because he could get yummy food and play freely - but I cant make that random - so I made it a practice to bring him home every Friday!
    9. I made a points chart system for about 10 kids aged between 6-12 with a reward program, due to which many of my friends are having peaceful mornings !


    So do I neglect myself ? No


    1. I learn music
    2. I take a nap in the afternoon - at least 10 minutes
    3. I read spiritual books and sing bhajans whenever they are organized in friends' homes (or my home)
    4. I talk to my family and friends
    5. I browse the internet
    6. I garden, I enjoy my walk around the park around the lake
    7. I spend time with DH, I talk, laugh, sing
    8. I make special food items just for myself!
    9. I even go to the beauty parlour though very rarely!!!
    10. I am a part of coursera - MOOC free courses on the internet to update your skills !
    11. I discuss deep philosophy with my son and tell him stories !

    I have to mention that my DH never stops me from doing anything and also doesnt create a fuss if the house is not clean on a particular day or food is not fresh and hot (Happens very rarely!)- he'll contribute to whatever he can do on weekends (no time otherwise!)


    I would like to know what each of you do APART from housekeeping or office work

    Some may have craft hobbies, some might like to write, some might stitch, some might have a sick family member who needs special care, some might have some special skills that makes them famous in their circle :)

    I know a SAHM who does all the model projects and craft projects for her kid's teachers at school !!! And I know a working woman who takes over the choreography at her kid's annual function !

    And I know many women who take Balvihar and Balvikas classes! Some organize bhajans every week at someone's home and do all the preparations !

    Please pour in your contributions !
     
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  2. preethiitech

    preethiitech Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hrastro..

    Truly impressed. Three cheers for you.:wow
     
  3. DreamWorld

    DreamWorld Silver IL'ite

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    @hrastro You are a Super Woman:wowYou are managing very well:thumbsup
     
  4. hrastro

    hrastro Platinum IL'ite

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    Hey !! Please add yours too!! I'm sure you all also do a lot of extras at your home or office ! Or the society !


     
  5. curiousgals78

    curiousgals78 Gold IL'ite

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    Cheers to you. i think you are a super woman to be able to manage so many things.
    balancing between work and kids itself is getting too much for me.
     
  6. hrastro

    hrastro Platinum IL'ite

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    Not at all!!!
    I am the last person anyone will call a superwoman!!!

    I did all the above in the last 7-8 years!! Not all at the same time! I'm still discovering myself and still learning about relationships and the world!!!

    Every woman (and man) does something other than "defined duties" !!
    Please share
     
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  7. Rise

    Rise Platinum IL'ite

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    Truly inspiring
     
  8. periamma

    periamma IL Hall of Fame

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    I want to say in a singe word"GREAT".
     
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  9. tarasharma

    tarasharma Gold IL'ite

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    @hrastro

    Where are your feet. Need to do charan vandana.. I don't even do 1/10th of this....
     
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  10. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I fight! I fight every day. I call senators, state reps, special ed coordinators etc through out the week and fight for my son because he cannot do it for himself. I make sure I include the kids of moms who cannot be there in person because they are busy making money to provide for therapies. I'm mainly fighting for better quality services. Sometimes it's for some mom who has brought something to my notice. Sometimes I don't even believe in their thoughts but I fight for their rights anyway.

    I fight for my friend's right to not vaccinate her son because she thinks her son was injured by a vaccine and that caused his autism. I've called my local rep so many times to quash that bill that he now knows me by name. He keeps telling me but your son has his vaccines why do you care. I tell him that I am fighting for my son's friend's constitutional right because he cannot do that himself.

    I fight with the therapists all the time. I go find information that they are not yet aware of and fight to incorporate it into my son's therapy schedule. I have meetings with them every other day. I hound them until they agree to do what I think he needs. Not only do I do that, I also ensure I tell other moms about it.

    I make sure I meet all other moms on a bi-weekly basis. We have regular coffee dates. We talk about everything autism. One of these days, we are going to have a strong enough voice to be heard. All we need is more support for our kids. I talk to moms who are going through law suits with school districts because they don't have adequate services. I talk to friends who have exhausted every resource and are struggling to make ends meet and provide for therapy. I feel helpless at their plight but I get up the next morning resolving to fight with the next guy on the phone or in person to get more for the kids.

    I fight with the school every other week. I refuse to be a hands off parent. I will be involved in whatever happens at school.

    I figured out in Jan that one of the teachers whom my son will be having in fall isn't going to work out. I fought with the school multiple times to already move him to a different class.

    I fight with teachers who discriminate against my son. I ensure they are never in contact with him again. I fought with a stupid music teacher who told off my son in front of the entire class. He couldn't tell me but his therapist did and we ensured he was not in there again. If I had energy I would have gone to the private schools regulatory board and got the school in trouble but I didn't have the energy. I pulled him out of there shortly thereafter.

    After all these fights, when I get tired, I run like crazy to work it out of my system. My friend often joins me in these runs and she is my sounding board.

    Most often, my house isn't clean, the dishes aren't done, the laundry isn't even looked at and the rest of my stuff is a mess. The maid is god sent. She comes once a week and picks up every single paper, every mess and straightens it out for me. She helps me a lot. My dh comes over the weekends and helps with the rest of the stuff.

    Even with all this I don't ignore my older child. I don't give excuses as to why I cannot do the hobby lobby run a zillion times for the science fair project. I help her as much as I should and make her independent too. I encourage her to treat her project as hers and not moms. Pride in her work is something I teach her on a daily basis. She has advanced so many levels with that project that I'm super proud of her. I let her know that so she knows her brother's disability is not shadowing her achievements.

    No matter how tired, how bad a day or how not in the mood I am, I cook and drop her lunch off at school 2/3 times a week. I make it hot and drop it off 5 mins before the lunch bell. I surprise her with notes in there as well. She loves that! That's my way of telling her that even though I'm busy with the brother she is mine too. I take her out by herself and get some quality time with her. I also ensure to spend 30 mins everyday just talking to her without interruptions. I learned to do hair and makeup for her from youTube videos. I still cant do the curler right but one of these days I'm going to nail it.

    I wake up at 5:00 AM every single day to be able to shower and light that lamp and chant swayamvaramantram. I seldom miss doing it. That is my way of telling my DH that I care for him. I don't care for the lamp lighting as much. He seldom asks me to do things and he told me last year to light the lamp daily. Even FIL asked me to do it so I do it in the evenings too, no matter how busy I am.
    I make my son chant his prayers daily. Its a difficult task. He can't talk, he can't sit in one place and a few lines of shlokas take an hour but I do it with him daily. I wonder sometimes if God is even there but I do it. Only God can help me help him on some days.

    When DH comes home after a trip, I always have a happy smiling face. It's hard work to do that because some weeks I would have gone to hell and come back but I never let him see me cry or in a sad mood as much as possible. Very few times I've not been able to pull that off.
    When DH shares his accomplishments I always show how happy I am for him. I used to think what's the use of having all this money, promotion and success when my son is like this but now I don't. I never take him for granted. I always celebrate each and every success however small. That is my way of making him know that even though we have the little guy to worry about I'm still happy about his accomplishments.
    When we go out by ourselves, I never bring up Autism. I never even mention either of the kids. This is my way of telling him that I'm interested in other things that he does too. I just sit and listen to what he has to say. I want to show him that as before I'm interested in his life outside of our marriage.
    I set time aside to call my friends. I make it a point to not bring up my baggage in calls. I just call to say that I'm thinking of them. They have been there for me so I try to do my littlest bit by calling.
    No matter how tired or how busy with chores, I always teach my son everyday. I teach him that a bowl is a bowl a thousand times and then when I ask him what is this and he says fork, I teach him again. I teach him at least one new thing daily. Today I showed him the rain, btw. He was happy and said "wain" so many times.
    After all of this, I don't neglect myself. Even if I cook 10 non veg items for my family, I make something veggie for me. Very rarely do I use something frozen. I eat every meal without fail, no matter how late. I workout without fail. I get my hair done. I get regular facials done. I make sure I buy stuff for myself. I still shop at VS. I run races every month. I go out with friends very often. I socialize extensively. I will never let myself wither because of autism because that's when autism wins.

    Well in reality I don't do much physically. But in my head, I think I do more than many people put together.
     

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