Extramarital affairs

You're going the right path..

Dear Latha,

You seem to know your way in this website...There is nothing like making mistakes in this website..Every member in this community, speak their mind..and all others are open enough to respect their feelings and give their share of their opinion and inputs. So just continue the way you're doing now !

Well, I came to know little more about you from the Who am I thread...and now the fact you're not a movie-oriented person, is another quality I know of you now. Well, I am little in contrast to you in this aspect.

Latha, to answer your question, I feel any Indian movie (be it bollywood or kollywood), show stories that's happening in real life only. Of course, certain times, they blow the story out of proportion, nonetheless, most of the stories could be incidents happening in someone's life...One cannot deny the real-life existances of many KANK stories !! Extra-marital affairs are common feature these days, even in our very own chennai..! But being a media which is so powerful and influential Film-makers can choose what to show and what not to show. By projecting the dark side of mankind and life, they are only corrupting more the already corrupted minds of humans.

I, infact use to love the old tamil movies of the 50's and 60's where most of the movies highlighted the importance of family and relationships. 90% of those days movies were with good morals and preaching. Nowadays looking at the movies, the youngsters especially the school and college going children get corrupted. I was really shocked to see a movie like "Kaadhal" which shows the love of a school-going girl becoming a hit, at that tender age when a girl should be thinking of studies, the seeds of love is sown within her heart and its outcome (like eloping with her lover at that young age) was too much to tolerate.

I feel Filmmakers have that responsibility of making quality movies and spread social message. Everyone knows that our soceity has a bad side to it, why to showcase it unnecessarily, rather show the good side and educate the mass of the good things happening around us.

Well, this is just my opinion...!

Anyways happy going with IL and keep your contribution coming...!

Love,
Preethi

 

About hating Movies..

Hi Preethi,

Nice to read your long reply. That's right. Nowadays film makers are spoiling the youngsters knowingly or unknowingly. Theses type of films attract mostly youngsters , ie college and school going children.

These extramarital affairs are happening in and around us and we keep hearing about them. What's there? There are news daily, about who is going around with whom, in the cine gossip section. So that's what is coming in the movies also.

If Sushmita sen and Aishwarya can do then why shouldn't we .. That's the question in the kids minds. Isn't it? What I was complaining about was that our culture is going ..Boeing.. :-(

Hope everything will improve in the days to come.

Regards
Latha

 

Hi All,

I have gone through the discussions to found myself wondering whether we are discussing the facts and causes of " affairs" or imposing our cultivated cultural values!

Does a desire to have a relation require a licence or god's permission at all? What happens if we take out the security and dependence factors out from a so called stable relations?

The proven fact is a man fantasises of other women and a women fantasises of another man. This is What the psychology has found to establish and even Lord Shankara talked about it in TANTRA BHAIRAV.Who was Radha to Krishna? And to whom all the religious scriptures had been advising against the extramarital affairs if it's not a fact of our life???

Or do we want to see only what we want to?

What happens when a couple is making love to each other as Duty?

 

I think we are mixing issues. The question is not if the movies are influencing our thought, the question is are these affairs on the rise?

I think they are in the rise. We see people go out at work. How much ever they try to hide it, the fact remains that people are constantly looking for fun outside the marriage.

I don't approve of this relationship, but the truth is marriage can get boring and monotonous. Many times a woman is tired to go back to the same home that needs spring cleaning and husband who is streched out in front of the TV. She is so secured in her marriage that she stops caring for her appearance. Then appears this guy, who compliments her on her new dress. She decides to visit a beauty parlour and start looking good. The guy gives her more compliments and finally asks her out. One thing leads to another and the couple are having an affair.

I have seen this at my work place, I have men wait for woman(married) at railway stations so they can spend the travel time with them. I have seen men and woman leave movie theatres in separate vehicals. This is happening all around us. We just need to open our eyes and face reality.

 

Sharda, what you have said is very true.

We need to analyse why a person looks for a relationship outside marriage.

here are a few points that come to my mind.

- Once the couple reaches a comfort level, they start taking each other for granted.
- monotonous routine
- not spending enough quality time with each other
- not sharing the workload if both are working.
- change is compulsory
- take regular breaks
- variety is the spice of life.
- sharing each others interest
- sharing all the duties towards their family
- don't always measure everything materialistically...then there will always be a void.

these are some of the points that i can think of now.

I feel following are the remedies

- spend quality time together..sometimes do miss out on social enagagements and just make time for yourself.
- learn to do thing together...at home and activities outside
- give enough space to each other. At times just chill out with your respective friends instead of sticking together all the time.
- try and take regular holidays.
- not necessary you have to go out every weekend, instead utilise this time and do things together at home or just chill out and keep the cooking light on your day off, once in a while.
- compliment each other.
- do shopping together and while doing personal shopping do it for each other...you for him and he for you.

Lets hear more from others...then i will continue with my list.

 

Re: KANK - Better don't watch !

To All the Moral Police out there, who've been Offended by KANK...

IF YOUR MORALS ARE AFFECTED BY MERELY WATCHING A MOVIE, MAYBE YOU NEED TO TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT THE STRENGTH OF YOUR CONVICTIONS IN THE FIRST PLACE?

A movie is what it is, A commercial product made to sell in the market. Doesnt mean that those who watched it & liked it are on the road to moral damnation, If that were the case, you shd be taking arms agains anything, you see in the market, beginning with A lacy black underwire Bra vs a good old sturdy NAidu Hall creation.

At the same time, How do you justify all those holier than thou women who scramble to finish their daily prayers & Pooja paath, ( that they are so proud of doing) only so that they dont miss the trashy serials on SUN TV!

 

I agree with rr's ramblings. This is not about banning some movie which shows offbeat themes. Personally I think KANK should be banned because it was super boring movie :hide:, but it is about accepting the reality that extra marital affairs happen.

In the past, when most woman were home makers it was men (especially those who traveled a lot) who sought happiness outside the marriage, but with more and more working woman and the stress levels on the constant rise, woman are also having these affairs.

I would like to add a few more points to what Roopa has said:

1. Be friends with your spouse. Give him a surprise every now and then. Gifts, good food etc are good, but surprise him in bed too. Do something different once in a way, so that he will look forward to spending time with you after the kids have gone to bed .:thumbsup
2. Wear the gifts he gives you and tell him how much you like it.

 

Ladies,

Those of you who feel that extramarital affairs are on the rise in India, I feel, are totally ignorant of the true facts of life. You have probably been brought up in a sheltered environment without being exposed to LIFE.

I come from a brahmin family, semi orthodox, from a small town in AP. My grandmother and mother used to tell us about all the affairs that took place in our family circles. This was to tell us that this can happen in all kinds of families, that both men and women can start them, that both men and women can adjust even after knowing about the others infidelity, and that one has to be aware of the realities of life.

What is the relationship between Radha, a married woman and Krishna? How were the Pandavas born? What of the Vaali/ Sugriva episode in Ramayana? What of some of our national leaders, past and present?

I know that today we are exposed to a bombardment of TV serials which show a lot of such affairs taking place, that media is talking a lot about them. But I feel that serials and movies depict the reality in our society. I don't think the story writers of serials are that creative. They just show what happens. Also, newspapers have nothing more interesting to write and use these stories, which have always been present, to titillate their audiences.

The major reason is that we Indians like to keep sex behind closed doors. So, a sudden exposure to such things makes us feel embarrassed. We feel such matters are on the rise, which I feel is not true.

Regards,
Rukmini

 

Personally I think KANK should be banned because it was super boring movie :hide:,

THAT I agree 100%, Although the music was quite catchy!!:cheers
I read in this thread something to the tune of If Sushmita Sen & Aishwarya Rai can do it why cant we... Isnt a personal life what it is PERSONAL..? & Given the extremely secretive nature of an affair, shdnt it be th individual personal decision that comes with its own JUmbo load of consequences?
Leave it as it is,Every one of us is better off not prying into the intricacies of this trend.. ( Sounds like kinda peeking into the 'Dark Side of the Force'), Leave it be, Anyone close to you, involved in one, isnt going to rave about it & make it sounds so awesome that your kids may get tempted to 'stray'
& Ladies, Be confident of the values You have instilled in them, @ the end of the day, Children will remember the lessons you have taught them the best, You are their tole model, Not a character on screen.

 

I think they were always there, our culture just hid them like for instance homosexuality. Very silly.

Those who think we have/had great values are rationalizing things.

In 1892, Gurajada Apparao (Gurazada Apparao - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) (a social reformer) wrote a Telugu classic, 'Kanya Sulkam' which is mostly about child marriages and kanya sulkam (the opposite of dowry), child widows and dirty old men taking advantage of children/women/widows etc. This is considered a reflection of our society during late 19th century. You can read the plot of the play here: Kanyasulkam - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I think that all these things are always there. It's just that we refuse to see our filth.

A desi hubby