Extra marital affairs in India

Dear Justanothergirl
You said it

If we go on with this thread, soon we will have a few more threads like:
1)What would be a good time to call on a prostitute?
2)Is it ok to go in for partner swapping?
OR...when I get sick of the 'yummy malai paneer' at home can I visit the nearby restaurant for yesterdays Dal leftovers?
Mega

 

Why to people get into EMA :

Guys feel proud to hv an EMA bcos they feel they are soooo attractive that girls run behind them. many guys are real good guys till they get an opportunity, but the moment they cross such a thing, they suddenly get involved in it, without even thinking for a minute about their family. when they realise all this, it would be toooo late. they would hv messed up their married life completely.

Girls feel they are too beautiful and they need a guy to praise them all the time. before marriage a boy friend doesn't mind doing all this, but after marriage priorities change and it becomes very difficult for some girls to digest it. at this point of time, if a guy pretends to be caring, affectionate and bla bla bla, she surrenders to him. after all, her husband was doing all this earlier and this guy also will change after some time. how many guys can we change??

We hv to learn to adjust and accept facts of life. in marriages, love remains till the end, but the ways of expressing the same changes with time. if we cannot understand it, then we will end up messing our life. EMA gives emotional support /temporary pleasure for many but at the end it fills your life with immense sorrow and sucks all the happiness from your life. u will spoil your life , your spouse life and the worst your children life too. i read an article in the hindu last week which said " the best solution for EMA is just " not to hv it" ". and i agree to it.

 

i just want to share a story of my friend and her EMA. 3 of us were friends. My girl friend (X) and Boy friend ( Y) fell in love. it was a big cinematic love story with all masalas. As usual parents refused. Just to convice them, both decided that their parents will agree to their marriage, if they become pregnant before marriage and did so too. As planned, parents agreed with tears. Everything was smooth for 1 year. If one was not well, the other will take leave. Both will rush home at 5 itself to see each other etc etc. The girl of today’s generation wanted every thing to go as per the rules of romance. He should admire her beauty every day and praise her for everything etc. He managed to be romantic (in her rating) for the first year. They had a child with lot of complication in pregnancy. He again did everything for her during this rough face. As per the human nature, he started concentrating on bigger things soon. He started saving for baby and concentrating in office etc. I took leave from my office for 6mnts for my maternity leave. When I got back to work, I was shocked to notice that she had committed herself to relationship with another guy in our office. I could not digest it. I asked her the reason. She loved him so much then how is this possible. She said, “ I made a dessert for him and he was busy on the computer and did not even eat it for 15 mns. We went to a restaurant and he saw the menu card instead of seeing me. I bought a new ear ring and he did not comment on it. “. She started going home really late bcos they had an agreement that who ever comes home first should wash the clothes in wachine machine. So she ensured she went last every day. ( her work load in the office was very less and still used to sit and browse). She said “ I don’t even feel like hugging my child” . He only used to do every little work for the child. This went on for 3 years. Things became public by then. The child did not get anything called mother’s love. Now they are separated. Her affair continues. The other guy is also married to someone else. Her husband cried to me and told that she does not to do house hold work or take care of the baby. (He does all of it and manages office too.) She says she is a modern women and cannot do all this. I told her to keep as many maids as she wants but she is not even wants to monitor them. I cannot be romantic all the time. I love her very much but cannot prove it every day. Even after knowing about the relationship with another guy, he is still prepared to forget everything and live with her, but she does not want to. The reason she gave me is “ I am very beautiful and I can make people run behind me. I don’t hv to do run behind this guy”.

Now they are separated and the child is living like an orphane. she is almost in depression. the other guy is also married and not prepared to break his marriage, in the fear of his parents and relatives. Who is happy now??? Why EMA?

 

Why is the child living like an orphan??? ok kids mom was not interested in taking care of the kid all the while..but dad was there right? or is it that dad is taking out the frustration on the kid so disowned the kid?

I guess when such a parent exists in a family, its better couple separates rather than be an example for the kid....remember kids learn things too fast...and when they have parents like your girl friend to look upto...what would the kid learn from her???

Coming to the other guy..I guess the other person in such relationships never ever will be ready to leave;/quit their marriage...reason.....just like your friend thinks, even the other person may get n no. of girls/married women..why stick with one when he can get many!!! today its your friend, tomorrow it might be someone else....

by the way why are we even expecting this other guy to quit his marriage???? is it because your friend wants to quit hers so she wants to drag in the other guy also to quit his marriage...toooo selfish and arrogant thoughts infact....no wonder she ended up like that.

I guess your friends husband should be the happy one...better late than never atleast he knew all this during early years of married life and i hope he finds someone who is really committed to him and understands his love n affection.

Women wanting the daily praises or a word of appreciation is NOT WRONG...but when they literally live by that rule every day thats what takes the happiness or fun out of this entire praising/appreciation thing....

 

mstrue:

It is interesting that you are also fixated on me Neither am I the subject of this thread nor am I a public figure! It's flattering at one end to be studied in detail and felt attacked at the other. Any way, let's look past that.

You have copied things I said in two different threads in different contexts and some copied without the benefit of full sentence with your narration threading my lines (some times parts of lines) together.

Anyway, life is complex. when you put together things that are said in different contexts it looks at times/places conflicting or at odds. So is life, in which at times one makes compromises often at odds with logic. It's almost never simple at life's major crossroads: if this, then that. Such simplistic view often leads people to make decisions they may regret later.

If your point was to say that women should divorce their hubbies because of EMAs, go right ahead and say it. No need to be in judgment of others' views.

 

I dont want to sound like the ******* mstrue has described in such detail but there is always a context around every EMA. The context determines who is right and what is wrong. If you have specific examples of situations where an EMA happened, it would be good to discuss those.
If you just ask a general vague question about whether EMAs are good to indulge in, any adult will say absolutely No. However, in my view, all human actions cannot be directly tied back to moral inferiority without understanding the situation at hand. It is not unlikely that we would act the same way if we were in that situation.

 

Extra marital affair? It happens and commiting to EMA will never do any good. It's like being selfish, it will make you happy and what in the end, you can destroy families.
There's always a lifetime ahead for a couple to get to know each other and improve anything but we tend to ignore the chances of growing with our partner.

 

]Is extra marital affairs is increasing in India. Is it good to have an extra maritalaffairs or is it bad (both male & female). Because we come across many like these at work especially. Just want to discuss it here. Please give u r feedback and suggestions.[/QUOTE]

New Year Greeting to all you ILites!

EMA is something that is a constant thought because of the situation I am currently in / have gone thru. I have never got entangled so my conscience is clear but having to deal with my husband who got entangled - I can say that I never want to hurt someone in this way and never want to go thru this kind of pain! Also every situation is unique - I've heard of open marriages, friends in affairs, one night stands etc etc - some recently some earlier thru the years. Now since I ask questions rather than being a passive listener - If your caught or confess its horrible for the betrayed spouse. If you can cheat and never get caught then good for you but who can say you'd never get caught?

 

Very good points but there are three assumptions -
1. EMA can destroy families: I agree but it doesnt have to be that way. An EMA can actually fill a void in one partner's life that helps him/her live peacefully in a marriage where divorce is not an option. An EMA can destroy families where the other partner takes a higher moral ground, refuses to or cannot address the underlying issues and behaves like the self-imposed guardian of Indian cultural values.
2. we tend to ignore the chances of growing with our partner: This is also true to some extent but not practical to expect a lot of change in your partner, especially in an arranged marriage. It is not the couples fault that the husband and wife are completely different from one another. In such a situation, is it easier to bring about a transformation in the partner or to find someone who doesnt have to change much for you to like him/her ?
3. Being Selfish is bad: This is not true always. As long as you are worried about your own spiritual growth and can achieve this without harming anyone and can perform all the actions you have committed to, I think it is ok to be selfish.