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Expressing our love?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by uma, Oct 31, 2006.

  1. uma

    uma Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Friends,

    All along, I believed that my love will be felt by my husband by the things I do as opposed to the words that I say. However, in America, we find that spouses vocalize their love at every interaction. Even at the end of a mundane phone call, they say "love you, bye".

    Internally, I am thinking that my husband wouldn't have expected it if we were in India. Now that we are in the US and he sees other wives saying "I love you" to their husbands, would he expect some sort of "overt" expression of love from me? If I start saying "I love you" to him, I am pretty sure that it is going to look artificial.

    If this is the wrong way to express my love, then what is the right way and opportunity? I am looking to some senior members to provide some pointers on how should we express our love without appearing artificial?
     
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  2. meenaprakash

    meenaprakash Silver IL'ite

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    very interesting question....

    Dear Uma,

    there's no dictionary for love - wherein we can check if we are expressing love the right or wrong way. Its just how a couple like each other to be & adopting the best technique.

    why deprive yourself & of course your hubby of such beautiful experiences/expressions, just go ahead and do it and very soon you'll learn how beautiful it is to express yourself. I can understand when you say it might look artificial cause we are not used to that custom. But believe me, its a beautiful expression.

    Men are such egoistic creatures but they just crave for love & attention.

    Living in a small place like mysore, I kiss my hubby before he leaves for work & when he comes back we do give a hug. the morning kiss would turn out to be a passionate one sometimes but most of the time it is full of love and of course, it does stop at a little peck while he's rushing.

    whenever we call each other during the day sometimes we do sign off with a love you (its me most of the time). whenever he finishes with a love you (that is rare), I know he's emotional & I wait for him to go on if he has anything to say. and when its me, he knows I'm amidst emotional overflows (all the time) & wait to hear more from me.

    so, pls don't forget to give a send-off kiss......
     
  3. Preethi

    Preethi Gold IL'ite

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    I comply with Meena

    Dear Uma,

    I totally comply with what meena has to say ! Well, it's understandable that you feel it might look artificial to do certain things which you have not done before, like expressing words of love so openly , as expected by your hubby !

    Mind, earlier your husband too would have shared your ideas, had he not seen couples around him like that ! Probably he has started to see a different dimension for love and his ideas have changed and he has started to have a carving for that sort of a love from his wife.

    Bascially we come from the school of thought where we believe that actions are more stronger than words, instead of repeately saying "I love you" , we believe in showing that love in our actions, so when your husband , out of the blue, expect those words from you, you are unable to come to terms with it ! So I feel that your feelings about being quite artifical is natural and understandable !

    Uma, trust me, Intimacy grows manyfold between husband and wife , when you're expressive in your love to your spouse. Make them realise at every given opportunity, how much you love them, that could be through mere gestures like kissing them, hugging them, saying "I missed you" , "I Love You" when you're hubby returns home very late, pampering them and what not....In short, treat your husband like a kid.........After all, Love is meant to be Expressed........If you feel ur hubby expects those words of love from you, do it happily, you will see how happy he would be to hear it coming from you.... don't bother whether it sounds natural or artifical, as long as your hubby enjoys your expressions...

    Go ahead and happily fulfil the desires of your husband , without any inhibitions!

    Love,
    Preethi
     
  4. sudhavnarasimhan

    sudhavnarasimhan Silver IL'ite

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    Hey Meena and Preethi,
    That was a very good suggestion you both have given to Uma.
    True what Uma feels is that we in our custom are not used to these ways of expressing overtly....but once in a way to say aloud these words, does make a big difference to both partners and if the hubby is all ears to hear such sweet words from you, i also suggest , get over your inhibitions and say them aloud....maybe you can come up with your own phrases .....you will feel they are not artificial , once you start enjoying and really feeling them.....

    So go ahead , be more open and you can see the love pouring between you...like the others have rightly said....Love is meant to be shown and shared isn't it....and that too between husband and wife....it will soon become a natural way of life between you!
     
  5. Vandhana

    Vandhana Silver IL'ite

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    Hi All,

    I totally agree with all of you meena, preethi and Sudha. Also i still do this is to send small love notes stuck into the lunch bag or send him an email. If you are feeling shy initially to express yourself vocally, start out by sending the notes and then the flood gates will open!

    SO go ahead and express your love in all the ways that you can think of.

    Vandhana
     
  6. cheer

    cheer Silver IL'ite

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    I agreed with u all gals, but one thing i want to add. Don't be fake just for others sake, love is a feeling expressed from <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:eek:ffice:smarttags" /><st1:City><st1:place>ur</st1:place></st1:City> deep down heart. If u really love him/her u don't need to show this for the sake of others. Although express <st1:City><st1:place>ur</st1:place></st1:City> feeling to him/her sometime or often will help to strong <st1:City><st1:place>ur</st1:place></st1:City> relation with each others. Remember everybody like good words frm others. If u really love him, just let him know but not for others sake. Say it loud “I LOVE U TOOOOOOO MUCH”:p.
     
  7. varalotti

    varalotti Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    A Very Good Question, Uma!

    Uma,

    I feel slightly embarrassed writing in this thread when you are discussing about expressing love. But since it is an interesting and an important discussion I want to share my thoughts with you.

    Expressing love to one's spouse is a very healthy sign of marriage. Many marriages have failed because the love they share has not been either properly or adequately expressed.

    But an expression of love has to be within the cultural dimension. When I stayed with a English couple in Cornwall, England I saw the husband kissing his wife every morning (in my presence) before going to work. And kisses her when he comes back. Before the lady asks him how was your day, he asks her, (she was a housewife), "How was your day, honey?"

    But many Indians have been brought up in cirumstances where such an expression of love is frowned upon. That is quite natural because in those days we were in joint families and an outward expression of love would not jell with the decorum of a large family living together.

    Before deciding on expressing your love make sure to know about your husband's cultural background. If he has been brought up in an orthodox fashion or thinks that kissing is vulgar (believe me there are many men like that) then you need to avoid those ways.

    I think the best opportunity to express love is when he does something right and very touching, you can go out of the way to praise him.
    For example let us assume your parents are coming to visit you. He wakes up early in the morning to go to the station or airport to pick them up. When you are left alone tell him, "It is a very thoughtful gesture on your part. I love you very much for such kindness."

    He will melt. But the words and feeling should be genuine.

    And when you need to send a mail or sms to him, add generous expressions of love.

    I will sign off with one word of caution. Dont say something for the sake of it. And don't try to express your love when you don't feel it. If you had just fought with your husband, to buy peace, don't ever try to express your love. It won't be authentic and thereafter he will never believe you.



    Wish you all the best,

    Varalotti
     
  8. aharia

    aharia Silver IL'ite

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    hi uma, good question, uma v r not in our home country, v r away , so v love each other , v, ve to express our love, u send love notes to him in the lunch time, waiting for him wat he loves from u, i'm waiting for my dh with a big smile & hug, share him with ur whole day experince, v share all things.
     
  9. akilaakka

    akilaakka Senior IL'ite

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    Ya, its is true we have to express our love, It makes relationship stronger. We used to send small love note and sending smiles during the chat. its all fun and make the life more colorful.

    Always Keep Expressing the Love to your betterhalf !!!
     
  10. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

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    Wow..

    digging up old threads eh?
     

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