Exhausting to manage 2 kids

dear alamu,
indeed raising 2 kids are an exhausting job & i really salute the working women who also manages work life along with this.sometimes its good to remember the blessings we have like opportunity to stay at home with our darlings.
well,few mths & ur younger one can also start playschool.it will give u a breather of few hrs.

u must let them eat themself.i know no mother can see her kids go hungry but this isfor their good only.try to avoid TV during eating time.

mess is part of having kids.don't put too much focus on cleaning .put matt on floor & let then eat sitting on it or place their high chair on matt.after they finish clean the matt.

i sleep with my kids(aged 5.6 yrs & 23 mths).when they finally sleep i leave their bedroom but midnight i again have to come back as younger one cries for bf.then i wake up with them in morning .but my kids are not the kicking sort.i don't dress them in very warm clothes when they sleep so no thrashing around due to feeling hot.
also,letting then soak feet in warm water tub before sleep really helps to erase some of the tiredness.
warm milk maybe 15 mins before bedtime & then brushing & off to bed.prayers in bed & little talk & then sleep.kids sleep around 10 & we sleep after 11 .
a happy mummy happy kids(family).so ur first priority should be to make urself happy.whatever ur hobby that should come 1st even at expense of undusted house or dirty clothes.once ur are happy all the chores take less time to finish .
go shopping together on sundays.shopping is a great family time & very learning experience for kids..............u can prepare some quick meal that day before going for shopping so that when u reach home u all can eat & then sleep together or relax .....................shopping gives such a high to women .
take care
pragati

 

alamu,

i have 2 kids - a 5 yr old boy who goes to kindergarten and a 22 months old girl. and a stay at home mom, a busy husband who can relax only on week-ends. we live in europe too so can understand the lifestyle to a large extent

I think you need to delegate few things to the kids I don't know how much your kids help you in day-to-day activities but i can give a few guidelines based on how it is at our home (and yet a bit maddening...). when my son gets ready to kindergarden he must put on his own socks, shoes, jacket. yes ofcourse we help him here n there. after breakfast he brings in the plate, cup back into the kitchen. this we do as a fun game like telling him can you help amma please or where is the breakfast helper... after returning from school it's the same. putting things like shoes, jacket back in their place. it doesn't matter if he doesn't keep it exactly like how an adult would do but it must go back in the cupboard. you have to identify areas where they can take care of their things.

the same with my girl too. when you do it regularly they kind of follow the way it's done. no need to tell or lecture. believe me it saves a lot of time and avoids stress. when i pack juice bottle for my girl i give it to her and she puts it in the pram. these are examples. and tidying up... they can mess (i have designated an area in the living room where they can play...) but they must clean up. we've small boxes, pull out draws that they can easily manage. you'll see if you motivate the older one to do these things the sibling will follow suit without any prompts.

you cannot avoid the younger one following the brother. so rules must be the same for both with exceptions like helping in toilet because obviously the toddler cannot do few things by himself.

my girl is better in eating in that when food is brought she herself sits in her chair. but my older one will go from one room to the other with a bread in hand and crumbs follow. i give him the brush to pick up the crumbs. i tell him it's important to sit in one place and eat else we'll have insects at home. if he doesn't listen i simply remove the bread from him. just be firm. it's okay if they skip a meal. as long as they understand that they get food only when they follow certain rules they'll come around try with a hard heart... may be your little one wants to sit in normal adults chair. i think that'll help to some extent. you can feed or help him to eat BUT only at the dining table.

all the lecture done.. with 2 kids it's not possible to keep the house as it was before the kids arrived in our life. that's a truth we must accept. important is to keep the home clean and safe for children to live. can you get a cleaning lady? we've one coming once a week but the same evening it's all back to normal but atleast she dusts, cleans tiles etc., regularly for which i have no time or rather i would prefer to spend that time elsewhere...

shopping - yes i do end up doing with kids few times but mostly we go together. it's tough managing. see this you must decide. i have some friends who find it really terrifying to shop with kids and would rather keep that chore as their own 'me' time. i do this with kids because i'd prefer them to learn few things including accepting disappointment when i do not buy what they want.

i'll come back on sleeping part later... pick-up time for my boy

let me tell you something alamu. when i write (and when i read it myself) our home situation looks all rosy but it is not. there are days when i just want to send the kids to someone else's home or me run away from all the stress. it's enormously energy expending experience. you'll have to work out ways like letting go of few chores that are of minimal use. only do things that you can in a day and don't let any guilt feeling creep in you. i was like this before when i had only one kid - i have to do this, do that and yet i can't and that frustration was showing up either on my husband or on my child. it was of no purpose to the happiness of the family. so i learnt to prioritise and close my eyes on few things. i know of friends who keep their homes absolutely tidy and clean like those model homes with 2 kids. but each kid and the way each family functions is very different. my children like to spread things out and play. even now there's a fire engine standing in our cramped kitchen. i'll later ask the boy to take it out i can tidy that up instead of typing here but you know this is my time... a little luxury

when possible dump the kids on your husband and without guilt go to a coffee shop. it helps you look at yourself, your home differently and give your husband too that chance...

Latha

 

hi alamu,
latha says it so nicely & gives some nice tips too.i really love the one about putting cup /plates after b'fast into kitchen.well,that is the rush hour & i generally overlook the doing it yourself rule that time..........
with kids cosistency is very imp.no TV means no TV while dinner.once u let go & they think u are not serious about it & other things.its ok to break rules sometimes like have maggie for lunch once a while but not always..........
well,kids do irritate a lot while shopping specially with' i want this or that'....but again remind that u will buy them something like icecream or some colours(which they always are short of )but nothing else.it helps .

again,same with playing in toy area.i take them 1st to toy area & let them spend time there(10 min).then tell them lets get icecream.so they sit quietly in trolley finishing their icecream & i finish my shopping in peace.always make list .
elevator are very dangereous for kids & i really avoid it even if it means walking to other floors carrying the little one.kids have special attraction towards them & will be attracted to them.i try to avoid the section near the elevators & tell my dh to get the things which are near the elevator.
not eating is big headache for me also & the last resort i try is to give whatever he likes but not junk food.he loves popcorns & sometimes i have made them at lunch time also.so ,just zero on to some food which ur kid loves & as last alternate give him that.do not force feed.

managing kids is really a tough job but when i watch them playing together it really makes everything so worthwhile.

well,these are happy times indeed.Enjoy
pragati

 

Alamu,

If it is any consolation to you you are not alone. I really like Latha's and Pragati's tips. I too have two small kids - 4.5 and 15 months old and I also work full time. My days are... lets say a bit crazy at times but it is a lot of fun too.
I agree with you on the clean part, I was a clean freak before I had kids and now I have lowered my tolerance levels in order to maintain sanity. You only have so much time in a day and cannot do it all. My house is not a pigsty but it is unfortunately not a source of pride for me either. I am still working on instilling the cleanup discipline in them. Try to have a 10 min cleanup routine before kids go to bed. Have toy "stations" or bins so that it is easier for them to dump the things back. Still the sheer chaos that come with two kids and a busy lifestyle do wear me out. I take a deep breath, and try to spend 5 minutes per room focusing on the most important things. We can't change the whole world all by ourselves I also have a cleaning crew come once every three weeks and they do all the heavy duty cleaning. My job is just to maintain.

I don't have a whole lot of input on eating since I fight that issue (partly due to my DH's habit of plopping in front of the TV).

Sleeping - I sometimes feel we play a game of musical chair (or bed) where we start off sleeping in one room and halfway along move to another room. So no solutions there as well.

Shopping - we sometimes do weekly shopping as a family but it is tiring to cart the kids from store to store. Some days one of us does shopping while the other is with kids at the playground or home. If you are able to, do it without the kids. There are too many temptations on store shelves and too much marketing geared towards children.

At the end, I thik getting some time for yourself is very important. It is the only thing that keeps me sane.

 

alamu,

on the sleeping arrangement

i used to co-sleep with both kids (DH on couch in the other bed room) until the time i nursed my girl. she stopped around her 16th month (gosh i can't even remember that correctly!). well the way we put them to sleep is dependant on who does the job. when i do.. i do the brushing teeth, putting on pyjama, pee/change diaper and take them to bed. put on the quilt, say good night, close the door. there are days one of them (usually the little one) will cry or as these days she comes to me by herself. i either give her a drink or if she's really playful let her play for a while and take her back to bed. depending on the situation i sleep with her.

before my daughter we used to read book for my boy in the bed. but that is not working well now since the girl wants to snatch the book away so reading happens in living room and that too not smoothly. our son usually sleeps through. i sleep in the other bed room (couch turned to bed) and DH sleeps in the living room couch. don't ask me why that's how it works. in fact even today i'd love to sleep with both kids but DH (rightly) tells me there's only enough place for the kids on the bed. we'll, hopefully, soon buy a bunker bed and get back our bed.

BUT when DH puts the kids to sleep he must sleep with them. we both don't understand why it works like that with him but that's how it is he gets up or i wake him up around 10 and he sleeps in the couch.

moral of the story - if you like co-sleeping with kids why not try making the older one and dad sleep together? i can't think of any better idea

for my son it took a while to understand that mom/dad is just in the other room. when i co-slept with them i have noticed that he woke up in the night, confirmed i was there and then continued to sleep. even now some days he would get up and come to one of us (mostly early in the morning).

i hope there is someone who has better solution writes here....

Latha

 

Alamu,

looks like we all have similar issues

one thing i noticed with my son and wanted to share - this is a very irritating thing but perhaps must bear as a mother/parent.

He does not do things when told repeatedly. in the mornings i get ready first and then ask 'oh god you're not ready yet? looks like we'll miss the bus'... you know something like that and only then he makes an effort. i think it also depends on the kid.... tidying up if i start doing and then ask him to help he joins in and then i let him finish the task.

there are days when i'm able to handle the same tantrum peacefully and other days not. first thing never be hard on yourself. you're also human and kids keep on pushing you to the limits.

yes take some outside help even if it's once a week it helps a lot.

Latha