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Empty nest

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by jayasala42, Mar 29, 2016.

  1. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    There were days when my home used to be filled with laughter, arguments, fights, jokes and loads of mischief.
    Books used to be strewn all over the home..You can't even find the pairs of shoes together.On many occasions my husband had been about to start to office with two different varieties of slippers. Pens and books all over, and clothes messing the rooms, thrown on the beds. and I used to shout at them to tidy up their mess.

    In the morning: One will wake up and say:
    Appa, I can't find a certain book ... I can't find my sticker tilakam or hair band.
    And the other one will say: Amma, where's my homework,I forgot to complete my homework.

    Everyone used to ask about their lost possessions.

    My son used to be very confident that Amma can find any hide out.

    " take care of your stuff, be responsible, you have to grow up; I won't go with u to your university !
    Come Deepavali, my son would fire all the crackers immediately and take one by one from his sister's share.My daughter would gladly give away every thing.

    Come birth day.We have never even remembered our birth days. My son was a voracious reader.he would get Rs 300/ from my husband and purchase valuable books.My daughter would read books from his collection and get a fine dress for her.

    I used to prepare sweet and savouries in huge quantities during Deepavali.Invariably they would take curd rice with mixture everyday.

    vinayaka chaturthi Day-my son took special interest in doing mothakam cups so soft.-with one condition that he should be given the same no of mothakams he prepared.On every occasion .Come March, I used to make vadams in the open terrace.My son and daughter were fond of vadam maavu with salt, chilies and lemon taste.30% of the tasty pasty maavu ( cooked rice flour)would be taken by them reducing my job to prepare vadams.

    How nice seeing them having a handful of vadam mavu in their hands and licking them to the last bit and take tumblers of ice water.

    The marina beach no more attracts us.My son was much much fond of 'merry go round' and on each occasion he chose to ride at least 4 times.He liked beach bajjis a lot.

    Now all the cupboards have only a few pieces of clothes in them.
    And what remains is the smell of memories that lingers in the air. Yesterday I was seeing the photo albums of 1985, my daughter with pattu pavadai and Davani and my son riding on horses in kashmir.How my daughter screamed when the horse took a wrong step into a deep gorge and the guide took care.
    Each one is special; The memories will fill the empty ache in my heart.

    My daughter loves filter coffee-freshly made.She would keep part of coffee beneath her lap so that it does not get cooled by fan.She would take sip by sip for 10 long mts.I used to tease her " when you grow old, you won't have time to sip coffee until it gets cold.

    Today there is no one to taste coffee.The vadam mavu remained untasted yesterday.
    My son's favourite dishes are thiruvathirai kali and mixed vegetable koottu and nonbu adai.14th march while celebrating kaara adai nonbu,I missed him a lot.

    All I have now is the memory of their laughs and their mischief and their warm hugs. All cupboards are empty.No one asks me to find out misplaced things.There is no one to misplace.

    All cupboards have only a few pieces of clothes.32 years back, the same march 29th, my daughter had her monthly periods.After the public exam she threw away her geometry box with great anger as she has done one two mark question wrong.The geometry box fell on the cupboard containing lot of clothes.My MIL grew agitated because the entire clothes got polluted and she immersed all the clothes in water, and dried them all over mottai madi( open terrace) including parapet walls. Neighbours suspected some untoward death had taken place in our house.As I returned home the house was in a mess and my daughter explained everything.I did not know whom to blame.My MIL too felt bad .She felt that as an elderly woman she should have been more patient and conveyed regret over the happenings.That was my great MIL.

    Today my house is clean and organized and everything is in its place, and it is calm and peaceful.
    But it is like a desert with no life in it. Do not become angry with your kids about the mess.
    One day they will leave you ,just like they left me .

    Every time they come to visit and they spend time with us, when they are ready to leave. They pull their bags and it is as if they tug my heart along with it.

    They close the door behind them and then I stand still and think of the many times I shouted them to close the doors.

    Here I am today, closing my own doors. Nobody opens it besides me. Each one gone to a different city or a different country.
    All left to find their own path in life.

    They have grown up and I wished that they could stay with me forever.

    Oh God,Take care of them wherever they are "



    Jayasala 42
     
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  2. iyerviji

    iyerviji Finest Post Winner

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    Jayakka dear I am also sailing in the same boat. You have narrated so well and it is so touching to read because I also feel lost without my children, glad IL is there I am able to pass my time. Now my younger daughter has come from London but for one week will stay inin law's house but we meet when she goes out. In two days my son and another daughter also coming,\. Hope my husband becomes normal before they come . Usually all three children are not together so though excitement is there, still worry is there that hope they enjoy their stay. I am going to nominate your thread
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 30, 2016
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  3. Lathasv

    Lathasv IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi@jayasala42 mam
    While reading your snippet my eyes fill with tears. I can see my parents feelings in your thoughts. One day maybe I will be like you in the memories of my kids.can't imagine that situation. My heart became dumb.take care of yourself mam.
     
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2016
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  4. jskls

    jskls IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Jaya mam,
    I was in tears reading your snippet madam. We have to accept the fact that one day they are going to grow wings and fly away. All we will be left is just memories. Read somewhere that stop buying things but make memories for your children as that is the only thing they will carry with them.You had written/expressed it very well.

    I can visualize whatever you had written as most of the incidents happen at my house too! If I ask my children to clean up, they would say I don't live in a museum. Full functional living space should have life will be their argument. Everyday I wish, I hadn't had this argument with my children but the part that I have to discipline them gives me no choice. Empty Nest is very hard to live with and I can't even imagine how I would deal with it when kids go off to college!
     
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2016
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  5. Lata6

    Lata6 Gold IL'ite

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    I had tears in my eyes reading this Snippet. I tell my kids not to make mess all the time and when I look around, I feel that maybe I make more mess than them. They are more matured than me I feel in certain times. I wonder daily how my life would be without them AND I try to capture as many memories as possible on phone so that they become my companions in future.
     
  6. JustAnotherMom

    JustAnotherMom Platinum IL'ite

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    I read this snippet with a heavy heart. All the while I was thinking about my mom and the fact that I'm also soon going to be in the same situation . I assume these are inevitable and we should just accept . Like you said, let's cherish them when they are at home. :(
     
  7. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

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    Mami,

    Yes, your writing and feelings reflect exactly how my mother is feeling. It is quite hard for her as well, with kids abroad and the visits are random and the loneliness is somethings quite hard to adjust. I can easily say philosophical advice but when one goes through it, it is a hard and difficult situation. The new situation in India and I even know some friends who avoided any chance to go abroad for the same reason of being near with their parents. But not all are in the same boat. Yet, I would advice you too, to just make the best out of the situation and cherish the moments.

    Take care,
    Vaidehi
     
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  8. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Viji,
    Thanks fort the first response.I know all parents, especially mothers feel the same.When we are children there is more of enjoyment and less of responsibility.When we become parents we become more responsible and want the kids to be equally responsible.There lies the trigger.This is a circle. No one seems to have any escape.

    jayasala 42
     
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  9. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Lathasv,
    First 20 years we enjoy as childre,.Next 30 years we live our lives and bring up children ,want them to get settled in education, job and life.

    The remaining life has to be lived in memory only-whether it is in tears or apparent maturity.

    Jayasala 42
     
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  10. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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