Emotional abuse... A Vent..:(

stronglady2013 · Dec 9, 2013

Hi ladies,

Hope all is well with you..

I have a situation at home where MIL & FIL is creating lot of drama.
It has been 5 years to marriage and we did not have a child for certain reasons. I have been TTC for past six months and have not been successful yet. Now, MIL is telling things like ' Go to a gynecologist' and get checked up. If you have to cure yourself then do it. (I have already done it and she said everything is normal )

They are backbiting about me from sunrise to the sunset. I really am not exaggerating.

When I get up they want me to clean the windows. They believe the water will go in the wood and spoil the windows.

Husband makes me lift heavy objects and shovel the tonnes of snow when he clearly knows we are TTC(And I am not sure whether it effects or not).
MIL behaves like I am invisible whenever I am sitting for the food, she is turning her head away as if she has looked at some bad thing.

They over-pamper their son when I am around. They want me sit down and watch ' The walking dead' series for which I have clearly told them that I find it depressing and they have problem with it.

They have problem I offering prayers on the time. They say things like we get food if you pray. I pray for my mental peace and strength.

Now, there is a new drama. They believe that I have got a job offer and hiding it from everyone. I over-heard them, but did not go and explain. Because you can't really make sick people understand.

MIL does not move an inch and do anything, backbites about me all the day, both of them search through my room when I leave the home(Do not skip the personal stuff drawer too) and keeps saying to me ' You have not got MIL yet, I am too nice to you'. I just feel like shouting and say will you please shut up?

Well, I really am forgetting the things where I have kept the stuff. I get up from sleep feeling very anxious and scared. I don't know why these things are taking a toll on me.

Am I over thinking or Am i correct in thinking this is an extreme emotional abuse?

I really am feeling very suffocated, anyways just wanted to vent here. Just tired of everything!

coolpinky · Dec 9, 2013

Stronglady,
I understand how difficult it is to take when you hear someone talking lies and bad about you. This is the credential what ILs get when they get their son married.
But what I want to say is that these things are quite common in all the families.
"Ignorance is Bliss" here. The more you ignore them the more you will find peace.
Regarding TTC issue it is enough if everything is transparent between you and your DH. Next time she picks this topic up direct her to your DH and then she will get what she deserves.
All I can say the emotional abuse is not extreme in your case (or may be i feel so, because I face even more on daily basis). But ofcourse only the person who takes it can understand.
As for the room searching is concerned, may be you can dump all your extreme personal stuff in a wardrobe and lock it up if possible. Otherwise completely scramble your wardrobe make it took as messy as possible and then in between you keep your personals. May be seeing the wardrobe condition she will not dare to open it againideasmiley
See if this helps you.

gurpreetsingh · Dec 9, 2013

Haha coolpinky, I do the last one you told ..Regularly I make my wardrobe messy so that they dont touch it .. Otherwise everything ll be inspected ..

Stronglady , Become a strong lady like ur username .. If she turns her head , you too turn away from her... No one has any rights to make you watch something when you dont like it..

Regarding ttc , for 99 % of gals , this dialogue from mil is constant ' go and check yourself with gynae and get treated.. ' It is as if only ladies will have problem for sure and as if guys are avatars who will not have any problem at all... Next time you tell her that that reply her said ' Doc told everything is fine.. She told not to think abt ttc and she told to reduce stress.. so lets not discuss it ' .. I told my mil thro my dh to not discuss about it as it adds stress..

Regarding housework, It is better if they dont involve .. Some mils stand behind dil in kitchen and keep commenting 24 / 7 to cause headache .. They will comment some useless stupid things which will irriate us to the core.. So it is better to be at peace in kitchen without them ...

I recently found out it s a bliss to turn deaf and blind in front of them ... I dont listen to any dialogues unless my finance , my well being is at stake .. Also TRY turning blind by not looking at them at all .. Just keep my eye focused on the current work .. and keep answering questions in crisp manner .. This is reduce the suffocation i feel..

yellowmango · Dec 9, 2013

Get a few fake spiders and snakes and put them with your stuff. If they complain...they get caught...you can ask them"What were you doing in my personal stuff?"....

Or you could just act weird and say...you like such creatures and are practicing before getting the real stuff.Freak them out totally and give them something to think about.

On a serious note...yes you are experiencing emotional abuse.
In normal circumstances and normal cultures...you should have the right to say"I am not happy living under these conditions with this abuse and would like separate living arrangements." But that wouldn't be Indian culture....:coffee

manu2009 · Dec 9, 2013

hi!
coolpinky and yellowmango have definitely shared some freak ideas! ha ha ha
but unfortunately in our indian culture such things are a common story irrespective of whatever background you come from and whatever form of marriage....arranged or love...
I agree that is lot of mental stress and we tend to make mistakes in such circumstances. try convincing your hubby for a vacation and take a break...it is possible that when you two are together you will be able to make him see light regarding the happenings at home when he is out for work....but remember that in indian culture marriage is not between two individuals but between two families, however it is the girl who has to work hard and win her in-laws rather than the boy
don't lose heart, all will be fine

stronglady2013 · Dec 9, 2013

Thanks everyone for your support, makes me feel better.

Yellowmango, your idea of spider and snakes was hilarious and really laughed of loudly :rotfl..!!!!

sweetypi · Dec 10, 2013

YM's suggestion is hilarious ... you can actually give it a try ... they have pretty realistic ones in toysrus ...
continuing in the same vein, get a furby and hide it with your stuff. let your MIL wake up one of these guys while searching your belongings, she wont be able to make it shut up laugh1smiley

Priyas660 · Dec 10, 2013

Stronglady, it must be very difficult for you. Please try to get a job asap so that you can stay away from them as much as possible, atleast try some volunteer work which will keep you busy.
Do not complain to hubby abt them, never do that mistake. Be tactful and avoid them.

Priyas660 · Dec 10, 2013

DUplicate post deleted

simpleMom · Dec 10, 2013

Snow is causing a lot of storm in your house. If you clean it, your in-laws accuse you of "fatal attraction" towards an old snow man outside. If your husband cleans it, they don't like it.

You don't seem to live in India. Why are your in-laws living with you for such long duration? Did they permanently move with you? If you share this information, then it is very helpful.