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Drama In My Sister's Match Looking.

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by sanjuruby3, Mar 19, 2017.

  1. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    Its really good you advised your sis to dump him. Even without a proposal, Bf is not a good husband material. I can also understand that your sister is targeted plainly for nothing. But with in- laws that's where it all starts,

    First, the would be in- laws say- we don't want gold, we don't want this, that--- but please get your daughter to do this course or do this surgery or please buy/ give one of the item. This is the phrase everyone should be aware of. These kind of in-laws will use the power to keep taking things from the bride's family.


    Its hurtful now, but your sister and your family saved yourself from getting in too deep with a family like that.

    Imagine what if your sister developed eyesight problem after the marriage... imagine the pressure they will put on her and your family.

    Give confidence to your sister now. tell her not to go back to her ex-bf. Yes, her bf will not make her feel bad about as silly things as wearing glasses, but he isn't working he can't take care of himself... Emotionally he is available to care for your sister, but in reality he is taking advantage of her too.

    Your sister will find a better guy, give confidence to your whole family that there will be better matches. You guys should not get bogged down for these things.

    PS- Our family is also looking for a match for my younger sister- I can understand your sister's pain and feelings.

    Goodluck
     
    sindmani likes this.
  2. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks @blindpup10,

    I had talked her out of her BF couple months back too. She had not broken off completely but kind of slowed down and warned him ( because of unemployment status). Then again as I went out of sight, she went back to him.
    She had became emotionally dependent on him that no one could cater like sweet talk, pampering," I am with you all the time no matter what", "you are right", ..kind of talks.
    This time she broke off with him. But now after all drama, I had 100% suspicion she will be in touch with him(ex-bf) again. You know feeling of losing everything and then catching the last straw while drowning.
    And that happened... (Btw, there were some calls to him from her phone by mistake which initiated link to him like a god's sign). So now I am trying to remind her again and again same issues. Doing my job of a elder sister and she is also clear, if he does not settle, nothing would happen.
    I worry about my parents and I remember my dad's face who used to be strongest man on earth for me. When those boy's family were talking all this, he was not able to stand or sit still. Now, he is been drinking himself to this. My mom who is weakest of all, showed some courage that time.
    I hate they had to go through all this, hearing that their girl is not good enough, but we are ( when they are not). My parents are very old and they want to settle sister while they can. You understand. Also just marrying girl is not the only responsibility of parents. I try to tell them, then they say, "You ( myself) are far.. I can not do much. Brother is also away busy in his life and not much responsible too. Who will take care of her? "And I know they are right.
     
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  3. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    Op,You need to tell your parents to stop pursuing this match. The mother is rude and inconsiderate of your sister's feelings to suggest lasik. Getting it done has to be solely your sister's choice. Not he said , she said. The mother is laying down terms even before marriage. Its a warning sign. She has her way in the family.Not to mention a dummy husband with no opinion. Its a breeding ground to abuse and have her way with DIL. You didn't mention where is the boy's opinion in all this. I gather like dad , son has absolutely no say in any matter.Its a sign of future things. Men don't have a voice in that family. I wud say good riddance. You did your sister a favor by asking her to wear glasses during the seeing of her. You saved her from future heartbreak.At the same time do not encourage her to go back to her ex bf. He is not marriage material.

    The lady is lying thru her teeth. There are no proposals which has gone to marriage stage. Most of them have guessed that lady is overbearing and will have her way. Hence they must have backed out.And she doesn't want a simple girl per say. She wants a working girl like your sister. In disguise of simple she is trying to mold you people into agreeing to everything she says. Next time the lady wants to meet tell her your don't want your sister to get surgery and she wants to concentrate on her career. I am sure she will be insistent. You have to firmly you are not pursuing any matches right now.

    Next stop build your sister's confidence. Encourage her to change her look or book a spa day with her. Assure her she is beautiful as she is and you will look somewhere else and not pursue this match.Get her a hobby and once she is into it then look for matches and this time filter and filter. Good Luck.
     
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  4. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks chocolate,

    We stopped pursuing that match already. Only that after affects was worse until now that I hear good news that she got a job oppurtunity and she would be back in herself now.
    That match and no job broke her so much that she was almost going mad. She was fighting everyone at home and registered herself at marriage website and talking to find right match. We wanted her to give some time to think before talking to anyone.
    Now we are all talking that thank god that match boy is gone.
    As you said, in former match, men did not have say in that house. Boy was mum in all the conversations. Only man talking was one of their relatives ( SIL) who I assumed have great role in their life.
    Now my sis has made decision never to go pursue even if they came back. She is a good girl and never deserved all this. Infact no one does.
    Thanks girls for all your support.
     

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