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Dowry

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by mithila kannan, Jul 28, 2010.

  1. mithila kannan

    mithila kannan Gold IL'ite

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    Thangam was sitting on a low stool.Right in front of her was a kerosene stove and on it was a kadai with fuming oil .Next to Thangam on the floor was a big vessel full of urad dhal atta ground into a fine paste and next to that was a wide vessel with sugar syrup, colour added to it and looked very inviting.

    Thangam took the atta in a cone shaped jangiri maker made of cloth,filled it with the atta and slowly poured the atta in the oil in the shape of a flower,the outer edge of the jangiri blossomed in the hot oil like a flower,Thangam turned the jangiri to the other side and when the jangiri turned golden brown she removed the jangiri from the kadai very tactfully,seeing that the flower shaped jangiri did not break.She lightly pressed the jangiri so that the extra oil would come out and then dipped it in the sugar syrup.Then she started making the next jangiri,while it was cooking in the hot oil,she removed the jangiri that had absorbed the sweetness from the sugar syrup and arranged it on the big plate containing the jangiris that had already been made.

    Thangam had been sitting in front of the kerosene stove and the hot oil, making jangiris* for the past several hours.She had not eaten anything since morning and her stomach was growling.She herself was accustomed to going without food,but not the little one that was in her womb.Her child demanded attention and the golden coloured jangiris made Thangam salivate.She took a small piece of jangiri from the one that was already broken in the corner and was about to put it in her mouth,when she was kicked rudely from the stool in which she was sitting and Thangam fell on the floor, hitting her head against the sharp edge of the stool.Thangam ,who already knew who would have kicked her like that ,did not even raise her head to look in the direction of her mother in law, who stood by her side,keeping her hands on her hips and shouting abusive words.

    “I told you to finish making the jangiris by twelve o’ clock,I have to put them in packets and take them to the hoteland there you are, sitting like a queen,You have not made even half of the jangiris that should have been made by this time and on top of it,you are nicely eating them also!Are you not ashamed,you slut?”Subbu alias Subbulakshmi was not satisfied with shouting at her daughter in law,she took the hand fan that was lying on the floor and charged towards Thangam wanting to give her solid punishment.

    Suddenly she found her hand in a tight grip and her daughter Rama was standing in front of her.“Amma,don’t do this to Anni*.She is pregnant Amma,have some sympathy,she has not committed a crime, you know,Can you remain without eating…?”She did not finish.Subbu,freed her hand and shouted at her daughter.

    “You don’t know Rama.This donkey is capable of putting on an act which will put the best actress to shame.She could not get a decent dowry when she entered this house and on top of it,if she wants to eat four times a day without doing any work,I will not permit it.You don’t interfere in it.Ok?Did you have breakfast?Come I will serve you your breakfast and then you can get ready for office.”

    Thangam lay in the corner of the room tears rolling down her cheeks.
    Rama left for officeSubbu stood near the gate looking at the receding figure of her beautiful daughter, with great pride.Once Rama turned the corner,she came inside and lay on the floor in the hall.The fact that Thangam, her daughter in law,a pregnant girl, had not eaten anything since morning did not affect her in any way,she was engrossed in her own thoughts.

    Subbu’s husband Seenu was a purohit cum astrologer. When Rama was hardly an year old child, he died of heart attack.He left behind for his wife, the house which was his ancestral property.Subbu being a courageous woman did not wallow in self pity for long.
    She started making snacks at home and sold them to a nearby hotel.

    She pinned all her hopes on her ten year old son Raju,who she thought would become atleast a graduate and get a Government job.But that was not to be.Raju had no inclination for schooling and studying.After several attempts, he passed his school final. Subbu pleaded with many big shots and finally Raju got a job in a small godown as a daily wage worker.Subbu never lost hope in her son.She waited for Raju to reach the marriageable age.she knew that she would be able to get a good dowry from a girl’s side for her good looking son, who had no bad habits what so ever and was liked by all.

    Years flew by.Raju reached the magic age of twenty six for which his mother was waiting.As she expected ,many proposals came for Raju.Subbu began to screen the background of the famiies that approached her for her son.In the meanwhile, Rama was fast growing up.She was a beauty.Tall,slender,with a creamy complexion and sharp features and she was in the final year of her graduation class.

    Subbu calculated.If she could get a good dowry for her son,she could use it for Rama’s marriage,so went her thoughts.But man proposes and God disposes.Raju went to his native village on his mother’s bidding to attend the marriage of one of his cousins.

    Raju ate the wedding meal and went to the backyard to wash his hands and what he saw there chilled his senses.A young woman who must have been around twenty years of age was being beaten ruthlessly by a woman .The young woman’s face had swollen and her nose was bleeding but the woman who was beating her, would not stop it.Raju could not stand there and watch the girl being beaten brutally.He dashed across,,shouting,”Stop it.Why are you beating her so badly?Stop it this minute.”

    The middle aged woman took one look at Raju and asked him in a calm voice,”Why are you so bothered about me beating my daughter?Do you know her?”

    Raju said,”She may be your daughter,but you have no right to beat a girl like that.If you continue to beat her,I will come with the police.”

    The woman laughed and said,”Go, and call the police.I will tell the police that you were planning to run away with the girl and that’s why I lost my cool.Go,call the police”

    Before Raju could reply,his aunt came forward from the crowd that had gathered around them.She took hold of Raju’s hand and dragged him to her house.“Raju,that young woman who was being beaten is Thangam, Vaithi’s daughter.Vaithi is a cook.His first wife died, leaving behind this girl. Vaithi married again,Thangam’s step mother has her own children now.She considers Thangam as a burden and she would not allow her husband to even look in her direction.She is a loud mouth,no one dares to talk to her.”

    Raju could not sleep that night.Thangam’s golden complexion,petite figure and big eyes filled his heart.He did not know what falling in love was,but alas,he had fallen in love!First thing in the morning,he went to his aunt and said,“Chiththi*,I want to marry Thangam,”

    His aunt gaped.”Raju,are you mad?Her father won’t give her even a decent marriage,leave alone a dowry.Your mother is dreaming of getting a good dowry from your marriage.If you marry this girl and take her home, your mother will not allow you inside the house.”

    “Never mind,chiththi.I have money to buy two garlands and a yellow thread for ‘thali’*.Thangam’s father need not give her anything except his blessings.Please go and talk to them,chiththi.”said Raju.

    Raju married Thangam in the sannadhi of the Vinayaga* temple, that was at the street corner.They exchanged garlands and he tied the thali in her neck.

    Subbu was stupefied when Raju and Thangam stood before her, as husband and wife.Raju told her,”Amma,this is Thangam,your daughter in law She has no mother and her father does not care for her.We are everything in this world to her.We have to take care of her.”

    Subbu caught hold of her head in both her hands and sat on the floor leaning her body against the wall.She could not digest the fact that her son Raju, on whom she had pinned all her future dreams, had gone ahead and married a penniless girl.

    “I thought that Raju would get a good dowry and I will use it for Rama’s wedding.Now,this fellow has destroyed all my dreams.”
    Subbu got up,caught hold of Thangam by her hair and dragged her to the doors.

    “My son has never disobeyed me all these years. What did you do to ensnare my son?Get out of my house this minute.”she screamed.

    Raju stood between his wife and his mother.
    “Amma,Thangam is my wife,whether you like it or not.She will do all the household work and she will cook for you ,but she will stay here only”.Raju’s firm voice bewildered Subbu who quietly watched Thangam and Raju go inside.

    Thangam slogged in that house from morning till late in the night.In addition to doing all the household chores,she had to make snacks also,to be taken to the hotels by her mother in law.Subbu gave her two meals a day with great reluctance.

    Rama had written her final exams and was waiting for the results.One day she stood before her mother with a grin on her face, and said,”Amma,I have got a job in a real estate company.”

    “What is that?”asked Subbu.

    “Amma,this is a small company.They buy and sell plots of land for their customers and get a commission for their job.They have taken me as a clerk in their office,but sometimes they will ask me to go with the customers to the plots to be sold or bought.If I convince the customers and finalise the deal ,then the company will give me a commission apart from the salary.Isn’t it great ,amma?”Rama sounded thrilled.

    “Rama, my dear.When you were a child your father cast your horoscope and said that ,one day you will be a very rich woman.Iam sure that is going to happen in future.”so saying she removed ‘nazar’ for her daughter.

    She went about bragging to her neighbours,”Do you know,my daughter has got a fantastic job in a private company?.They are giving her two thousand rupees per month plus she will get commission also if she finalises a deal.God has been kind to us.”



    It was almost an year since Rama started earning.She gave a good amount of money to her mother for running the house.The rest of the money went towards her buying decent dresses and sarees for herself and her other expenses.

    Rama was getting ready for office,when she heard shrieks and sobs from the neighbour’s house.”As always Sowndaram aunty must be beating her daughter in law”,thought Rama.She was right.
    Sowndaram,Kamala’s tough mother in law was beating her black and blue,all the time shouting,”Go to your mother’s house this minute and bring fifty thousand rupees for your sister in law’s wedding.Otherwise, we will throw you out of the house”Kamala’s worthless husband joined his mother,”Amma,don’t leave her.burn her with a hot iron,then only she will know that we mean what we say”.




    While Rama was walking towards the auto stand ,the one question that came up repeatedly in her mind was,”Is marriage a curse?”

    A few days later, somebody banged on Subbu’s front door.
    “Mami,open the door fast,open the door.”Subbu got up with great irritation and opened the door.

    She saw a woman constable standing in front of her house.

    “Are you Subbulakshmi?”asked that lady.

    “Yes,Iam Subbulakshmi”said Subbu, who was really confused

    “Do you have a daughter called Rama?”asked the lady constable.

    “Yes,I have a daughter,her name is Rama and she is working for a real estate company”said Subbu.The lady constable laughed mildly, but she had a streak of sympathy in her.She told Subbu,”Amma,your daughter is in the police station.Come and see her”

    “What,my daughter is in the police station?No madam,my daughter does not even own a scooter.She would not have committed any traffic offence.She travels by auto or bus to her office”wailed Subbu when she was pushed into an auto by the lady constable and the auto sped towards the police station.

    “Is this your daughter?”asked the Inspector pointing his finger at Rama who was sitting on a bench with many other girls .Some were older than her and some were of her age.

    “Rama!”shrieked Subbu,”Rama.why are you sitting here?What has happened?Has any pickpocket taken away your purse?You were not able to pay the auto fellow?Thats why they have kept you here?”

    “Sir”wailed Subbu,”My daughter is an innocent girl.I will pay the auto fellow.Please leave her.”

    The Inspector laughed.He said,”Amma,the way your daughter has been earning,she need not go by auto,she can afford to travel by an imported car”

    “What are you saying?”Subbu was still confused.

    “Your daughter is not working in any office as you are thinking.She is working as a call girl,We picked her up in a lodge with other girls and their customers.Your daughter Rama is a pucca …..te.”

    “What,my daughter!my daughter is a call girl?No Inspector,it can’t be,it can’t be”Subbu caught hold of her head and her body swayed.The Inspector called out to an orderly and asked him to give Subbu some water to drink.

    “Your daughter is a regular visitor here.Normally one of her agents comes to the court,pay the bail and out she goes.This time no one came for her,thats why I sent word to you.”So saying he ordered the girls to get into the police jeep,to take them to the court.Subbu became hysterical,she could not believe that this was happening to her.She pounced on Rama who was sitting on the bench with a serene face.

    “Eay,Rama,why did you do this to me ,to our family?What harm did I do to you?I brought you up like a princess and you wanted to fall in the ditch,why?”Subbu began to slap her daughter on her cheeks,but Rama kept her cool.She never uttered a word.

    Raju came and stood by Subbu.”Amma,I spoke with Rama,whatever the inspector said is true.Rama has been earning money like this for the past two years.Come, let us go and take her out on bail.”

    Mother,son and daughter returned home after many beleagured hours in the court.The entire street had gathered in front of their house to have a look at Rama .

    “Aunty,you said that your daughter is selling plots of land and houses and was earning commission for that.You never told us that she was selling herself for money”said a woman, who had left behind her heart at home.Kamala came forward and gave one shove to Rama,”Instead of earning money like this, one can fall before a train and die.You are a curse to your mother”.

    Subbu covered her face with her pallu and rushed inside.Rama, showing no remorse or shame ,kept a calm face and walked into her house,her head held high.She entered her room and locked herself in.

    Subbu’s face had swollen due to constant crying.She refused to eat a morsel of food or drink a glass of water also.Morning dawned.Rama did not come out at all,even after they pounded on the door several times.Finally Raju broke open the door,only to find his sister hanging from the ceiling fan,she was dead.Subbu fell unconscious looking at her daughter’s lifeless body,Thangam wept and Raju stood stoically,reading the two notes that Rama had left behind.One note said,”Iam responsible for my action.Iam committing suicide of my own free will.”

    The other note was a letter to her mother.

    “Amma,I want you to know that I did not want lot of money.I too wanted to live like any other middle class girl.I wanted to marry,have my own family and a home to run. I did not want anything else.But you forced me into this profession,How?

    Amma,the way you ill treated Thangam, just because she did not bring dowry and that she never had any jewellery on her.frightened me.You, a mother of two children of your own, could be so rude to your daughter in law and I was very afraid,amma.

    I looked around me.Sowndaram aunty could beat her daughter in law and treat her worse than a slave and nobody in her house,not even Kamala’s husband raised any objection,because Kamala came from a poor family and she had not brought dowry,you see!

    Amma,I wondered.We have no wealth to speak of.I know that you won’t be able to give a fat dowry to the boy who would marry me.So what was going to be my fate, if I did not take dowry with me?
    Would I have to put up with beatings and insults from my in laws? This question was daunting me day and night.One day, a friend of mine,who knew our family background ,asked me casually whether I would be interested in earning big money.When I said,yes,she showed me this way.She said that she was ‘giving company’ to middleaged and elderly rich men.Giving company, included spending nights with them.”They pay a lot,you know”,said my friend.I was shocked at first and told her that I would rather die than do something like this.

    She said,”Rama,if you won’t take dowry to your in laws’ house, you may be burnt to death also.Whereas in this way,you will atleast earn money and if you are careful and clever,you can put an end to this profession after you have saved enough and marry well.Thats what Iam doing.My parents don’t know how Iam earning money.I have my own bank account and a locker as well.I have saved lot of money.I have bought lot of gold and silver which are in my locker.Next month Iam marrying a relative boy of mine and Iam going to live in my village,where nobody knows about the real me.”

    So,amma,I made my decision and started earning in this way.Initially it was hell for me,but slowly my senses became numb.I have given below my bank account number,my locker number and an authorization letter also .I saved lot of money and lot of gold in the hope that they would help me , settle down well in life.Iam not sad about my end,I deserved it.Please take the jewellery as dowry from Thangam .I may be a bad woman but I hope you will accept the money and the gold.”
    With love
    Rama.

    Raju read the letter aloud,Thangam sobbed listening to the letter. Subbu’s face showed no emotion.She sat there like a statue.The next morning,Raju took coffee for his mother and not finding her in her usual place, in the hall,he was wondering where she could have gone at such an early hour,When Subbu entered her house, some of the neighbours who saw her,were stunned to see the changes in her.

    Subbu had shaved her hair completely.she was devoid of any of her jewellery,she was wearing a saffron coloured saree and her forehead was covered with holy ash.
    Raju cried out,”Amma,why have you done this to yourself?”


    Subbu made signs to him to be calm.
    “Raju,I went to the temple,got my hair shaved in front of the temple only.With the shaving of my hair, I have shaved away my arrogance,my greed for money,,my hatred,my jealousy and every other bad trait I have had.I put my jewellery also in the temple hundi only.Now I have nothing of my own except these two sarees “she showed her bag which contained only her one saffron coloured saree.

    “Raju, go to the bank with the authorization letter that Rama has left behind ,take away the money and the gold from her locker and put them also in the temple hundi only.No girl from a respectable family should even touch that money or gold”.She turned to Thangam.
    “Thangam,I am going away from this house ,my dear.I will be staying in the temple premises only for the rest of my life. They give Prasad in the temple everyday.I will eat that.In the nights I will go from house to house and beg for my food.Some good soul may even allow me to sleep in their verandha in the night,Thangam.before I leave the house,please, tell me that you have forgiven me.I have made life hell for you,I beat you up and starved you. “

    “Amma,please, don’t talk like that.Don’t you want to see your grandchild?”Thangam wept.

    “Thangam,I know that I am a sinner.Even my eyes should not fall on your child.I know that you will make a wonderful mother.
    I have this much to tell you,Thangam.If you have a daughter don’t give dowry for her and if you have a son,don’t take dowry for him.”She walked fast on the street towards the temple.A crowd had gathered to see the new Subbu

    Subbu raised her voice and repeated aloud,”If you have a daughter,don’t give dowry for her and if you have a son,don’t take dowry for him”.Subbu’s frail figure wearing the saffron saree, disappeared in the street corner. But her resonant voice shouting,”If you have a daughter,don’t give dowry for her.If you have a son don’t take dowry for him”,reverberated in the air, in that area, for a long time to come.
     
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  2. kelly1966

    kelly1966 Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Mithila....
    I had tears in my eyes when I finished reading....
    Dowry is the biggest curse on womenhood in India and the sad part is its the women (MIL) who make it a compulsion... I really hope that your words
    ”If you have a daughter,don’t give dowry for her.If you have a son don’t take dowry for him”,reverberated in the air, in that area, for a long time to come. all throughout the country...
    The sad part is that even educated people with girls in high profile jobs fall into this web of giving dowry...
    I firmly believe that if all stop giving then the takers will have to accept ....
    Very touchy story...
    K
     
  3. Jananikrithsan

    Jananikrithsan Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Myla,
    Your words here speak a lot about what many girls in the society go thorugh, Greed leads to misery! Subbu killed her daughter and was also reponsible for Rama's decsion to become a call girl and later end her life!
    Loved your post!
     
  4. mithila kannan

    mithila kannan Gold IL'ite

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    Dear K,
    Yes women are their enemies.As you have rightly said,even in educated families dowry has taken a permanent place,the amount may change,but dowry layas a major role in most marriages.

    Dowry is the biggest curse on womenhood in India and the sad part is its the women (MIL) who make it a compulsion.You said it,K.
    love
    mithila
     
  5. mithila kannan

    mithila kannan Gold IL'ite

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    Dear janani,
    Thank you dear!There are thousands of subbus and thousands of Rama's in our society.our society leads them to their bitter end.Let us stop the undue attraction we have for gold ,things will change.
    love
    mithila
     
  6. Coffeelover

    Coffeelover Platinum IL'ite

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    Hello Mithila, tears are stopping me write this comment. Beautifully described way of life of a young/older women in our society. We should educate the girl's family not to give dowry and should feel that daughters are not burden to them. You have done a great service for women and in our society writing a blog like this.
    It is hard to give up possessions, but we all try to do it.
    Thanks a lot for opening everyone's eyes.
    Take care. Hope to meet you in Chennai when I come next time.
     
  7. BeeAmma

    BeeAmma Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks you Mithila aunty for the beautiful narrative. Hopefully we can get rid of this barbaric custom in the decades to come.
     
  8. radhikrish

    radhikrish Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Mithila mam,

    Very poignant story, tears welled up in my eyes. You have written wonderfully about the ill effects of dowry and how it affects the mind set of a young girl who doesnt have any means for giving dowry . The opening of the story was also very good with your minute description of the Jangiri making process. Very well written
     
  9. AkilaMani

    AkilaMani Local Champion Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Mithila amma,

    Reading this brings tears to my eyes. Dowry indeed is one of the major causes of suicides and murder in our country. You have so beautifully captured the feelings (both good and bad) of women in this story. Well written.

    Akila
     
  10. Gayathri47

    Gayathri47 Silver IL'ite

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    OMG! What a horrifying story! Really, I dint know this would end like this.

    Yes - greed and ignorance - thats the 2 things that brings a man/woman to that level - where he/she is not ashamed of hurting, abusing and cursing another. ou have very nicely brought out the message that our society needs to accept and respect.
     

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