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Dowry Business

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Kamalji, Feb 6, 2012.

  1. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dowry Business​

    Today there was a strange case in the papers. Seems a woman died and the brother of the lady complained that the inlaws killed her.Seems they were asking for a lakh, they could arrange 10,000 which it seems was not enough, and they thrashed her to death.

    The brother had an idea and he went to face book, and wrote about it,and it seems in two days time, it has had 40,000 views and a lot of comments, cursing the inlaws of the dead lady.

    It seems the lady was thrashed regularly, so I am surprised how come the parents did not act on it, on why the lady did nto go to the police station, maybe her life could have been saved, even the neighbours confirmed that she was being thrashed.

    Now these are common happenings, this case becomes prominent bcs of the brother going to facebook.And the tremendous response that it has generated, otherwise this is like the many deaths that happen all over india regularly.

    The general reaction of people like us is , the inlaws are monsters and they should be hanged . I agree with that, along with all of u. But alongside that there is a dark underbelly that no one is exploring, and that is what I want to bring in front of u friends.There are more guilty here than u can imagine.

    I have been here since the last few decades, and we keep seeing things, I have a lot of Marwari friends, andin business circle too, so let me give u some inside stories, which will make u see the other side of the fence too.And open your eyes to the other culprits in these sordid episodes.

    First coming to this story, I also blame the parents of the girl and the brother and sisters too. The boy who is crying for his sister, when he got married, if he is married tht is, has he not taken dowry, or if unmarried, will he too not take dowry when he gets married ? So is it not that everyone is involved in this, why did they not take back the girl if she was mistreated, and beaten ?

    These girls given on the basis of dowry are taught that aftger marriage their backs must be to their parents, and their dead body will leave the inlaws house, I am not joking, I am serious here.

    Or another way of putting it, the parents telling the Girl “ Your Doli will be lifted from here, and yr Arthi, that is the dead body from yr husbands house”.

    A friend of my daughter got married a decade back, very pretty girl, well educated. We had gone to their house to leave my daughter, who was going with them outstation to attend the wedding. The father greeted us, and I asked him about the wedding, and he said he has fixed the marriage at 2 crores, which he has to pay, others were asking 3 and 4 crores. So this was a reasonable deal he said.

    I felt sorry and expressed my regrets to him and I came home, the next day it struck me, that the man has a married son too, staying with him, so he must have taken dowry too from the DIL’s side, now it is payback time, then the sympathy disappeared. If u have taken u have to give back eh !

    It is very common in Jaipur, for the boys side to parade on trucks, with a band playing, along the main roads of jaipur, the goods received as dowry, one truck is filled with furniture, another with electronics like TV, Fridge, microowen, the handcards with clothes and so on. I don’t have the pictures , but I will take out and post later.

    There is no cash displayed, that is done privately. Usually a sum is settled on, the price of the boy. A businessman who I deal with, I once asked him, jokingly if dowry goes on in their house, and he said, yes,that my price was 20 lakhs, in the 20 we decide how much cash and jewellery we want, and what is to be spent on the functions etc.

    They are two brothers and one sister, I and harsha attended the sister’s wedding, later on I came to know she committed suicide, leaving behind two small children. I did nto ask my friend the reason,but I can just assume the reason of what it must have been.

    Times have changed but these people have not changed their mindset. Let us assume a father has set aside say 25 lakhs for his daughters wedding. He educates here , till graduation, and then decides to get her married byt the itme she is around 21 or so. Without dowry she wont get married.

    Now take this scenario. What if the father calls the daughter and says “ Listen daughter, I have sent aside 25 lakhs for yr marriage. Now either u get married as others have done in yur family,bea housewife, bear kids, specially sons, or I give u another option.

    I can spend this money on yr MBA, and u have to excel to be picked by a good company from yr campus, u can work in any part of india, u stay in a PG, earn and save whatevrer u want. And since u cant get married bcs I would have spent all I have on yr education, now u are on yr own, u are free to fall in love with anyone u like, and u can get married, he can be of any caste, religion or creed, but we can then only give blessings and nothing else to u. So the choice is yours, dear daughter, u decide, take yr time.

    I guess the second option is decent, it wil give her an opportunity to get away from her community and its practice, and she is on her feet, not dependent on anyone all thru her life, for she can now find a job anytime, and that education is an asset for her to be on her own two feet all thru her life.

    In these dowry deaths, I can only feel sorry for the girl herself, for she has no support of her parents after marriage, she cannot complain, they wont take her back , for it will spoil their reputation, and the girl is better dead than be back from there. She has no where to go but suffer the fate.

    Along with the inlaws, the parents, and the brothers, must also be booked, for pushing the girl to this fate. This crime is same as those parents who push their kids into prostitution etc. The brothers take dowry when they get married, and then they crib and cry when they give dowry for their sister, ro when things go wrong, as they will most of the time.

    God knows what is the solution to this terrible problem that is prevalent in most of north india, in us sindhis, it is like give whatever u want to yr daughter, simple and straight. We spend more on lavish functions, and I don’t remember anyone giving a TV or fridge or a car in dowry , at least in the sindhis, jewellery yes, to the daughter, but nothing like this really.

    What do u say, friends, what should be done to eradicate this evil. To me , I cant seem to think of anything, and even when the times have changed, this mindset has not changed at all.

    Amen.

    KAMAL MAHTANI

    Maid Servant to Mistress – Madam please take back this saree that u have gifted to me.
    Mistress surprised – Why ?
    Maid – Even your husband does not mistake me for u, and ignores me, but the driver keeps hugging me, thinking it is u !!!!



    Every woman has two major problems.
    When she opens her wardrobe, there is nothing to wear.
    And secondly, no place to keep her clothes !!!



    Wife comes home late at night and quietly enters her bedroom. From under the blanket, she see four legs instead of two. Angry, she reaches for a baseball bat, and starts hitting the blanket.
    Once she is done with, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.As she enters, she sees her husband reading a magazine.
    He says “ hi darling. Your parents have come to visit us,so I let them stay in the bedroom, hope u have said hello to them!!!!!!!



    Obesity does not run in the family
    Its just that
    Nobody runs in that family !!!!!
     
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  2. Pallavi4me

    Pallavi4me Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes Kamalji,

    Whatever you said is true.. its not only inlwas but also the parents of girl who did not support her and didnot have courage to her back ... are to be blamed
     
  3. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Pallavi,

    Yes , we only blame the inlaws, not realizing this thing was festering since a long time, thebeatings were there, but the parents must have told the girl to stay put there, and hence this sorry ending.the parents are as much to blame as the inlaws.

    Regards

    kamal
     
  4. rheaa

    rheaa Silver IL'ite

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    Exactly Kamalji! I too think that along with the in-laws, the parents of the girl are to held responsible as well. When they know their daughter is being thrashed/tortured, they should have courage to support her and take her back. This makes me wonder if they truly love their daughter! Maybe, their love for their prestige, status and fear for the society outweighs their love for their daughter.


    Loved this joke of yours, Kamalji. It is soo true! :)
     
  5. Arunarc

    Arunarc Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    After reading your post about the dowry taken truck load. If the parent is having 4 boys will all the boys bring home so many trucks each with the same items then what will be the state of the house. Instead of a house it is best to call it as a retail shop....4 boys getting 4 TV sets and what every electronic items all in 4 in the house.
    I ask those parents when you educate your girl and make her independent then why do you want to give money and top of that give your DD to, to such people...
    Why the boy is not capable of earning?? and feed his family?? if he is able of this then why give your dd to such people??
    it is really sad to read these dowry cases.
    In my community if the boy asks for the dowry he is just shown the door to get out of the house. It is the boy side who have to deck up the girl fully like a bride and bring her home with respect. The girl can come to the boy's house with just 1 pair of clothes and no one will ask her what she brought from her mother's place.

    Jokes...wife coming home at night and seeing 2 pairs of legs...hahaha ultimate.
     
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  6. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Kamalji, there's a boy who doess electrical work at my home, a lower middle class guy. When his sis got married last year, they paid a dowry of Rs one lakh, besides jewellery and other gifts. It may be chickenfeed for those who deal in crores but for his family it was pretty steep. I told him that instead of spending all that money on marriage, they should have focussed more on the girl's education and getting her a plum job . The guy said the family will recoup the amount in his marriage so they didn't bother! This is a chain reaction. You pay dowry so you expect dowry to make up for your financial loss and this goes on and on.
     
  7. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Kamalji, the whole thing stinks. It is so disgusting. First of all I blame the parents who are so desperate to get rid of the girl at the first opportunity that they are willing to pay any tom, dick or harry to take her off their hands. Instead of that, if they had just educated her well and said stand on your own two feet. Don't get married till you find someone whom you like and who will marry you for what you are and not for how much money we can pay them. If that were the case, so much agony would have been spared. Now the guy will get bail, get married again, take a hefty dowry from whoever is the next willing bakri.

    This whole business of "what will society say, what will relatives say" and pressurizing girls to get married is soooo stupid. What kind of parents are these that they will try to make other people happy, never mind if the daughter dies? It just goes to show what value there is on daughters in this country that worships Lakshmi, Durga and Saraswati. Hypocrisy at its worst.

    As for such "men" and their parents, they are not worthy of the pixels on my screen or of the bytes spent on writing about them. So shall not waste my time on them.
     
  8. mansimahi

    mansimahi Gold IL'ite

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    You have rightly mentioned it as a "business"....it is a racket... this buying and selling of grooms and brides in the name of "dowry" is utterly despicable. A peon in our office who was on daily wages and earning less than 5000 per month proudly stated that he was getting a dowry of rs.1.5 lacs and furniture and stuff for their home. When we questioned him, he said it was ok because he had paid rs.2 lacs for his sister and felt that he was short selling himself for rs.1.5 lacs only. It was appalling...no amount of reasoning would change his mind. On the other hand there was also this girl who told her parents to somehow pay whatever the boys side asked because she had fallen in love with the guy that had come to "See" her and no way she could think of marrying anyone else. Most parents of the girl would ask the girl to "adjust" or fall on the grooms feet and beg for time to pay whatever demands....

    You are right that ultimately parents of both sides are to be blamed...dowry was abolished 5 decades back ..but only in paper...the practice is still rampant in all parts of india.

    To spread awareness, an anti dowry group has created a game "angry brides" - (where in the brides dodge grooms who demand money )and launched it on facebook in jan this year., and apparently within a month there are some 80000 players ... i can only hope the men and women dont just take this as another game but instead put it to practice and take a firm stand not to accept or give dowry.
     
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  9. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Rhea,

    You put it well, that the love for tehir prestige outwighs the love for their daughter. they dont mind her being torutured, but will not bring her back.

    Glad u liked the joke i thought the ladies will give me brickbats.

    REgards

    kamal
     
  10. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Aruna,

    So u ladies take dowry from the boy eh ! HAHA.Good one.And good to know no one will ask her what she brought fromher parents home.


    Dad used to say a wife is a laxmi, and a godo wife is what we want. Mom never took anything from the 4 DIL's, and told them not to give anything even on diwali etc. And that is the way it has been.

    Even for the boirth of the grandson, they can give a small gold chain as a symbol but nothing else.

    Regards

    kamal
     

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