Dont Know Why My Husband Changed

Dear All,

In the 14+ years of my marriage, I have understood my husband quite well and how he behaves and how he takes care of me and my sons. I have two sons aged 13 and 6 years. We have seen good number of fights which we see as a way to understand each other. My husband is a typical indian men listening to his parents. Never too much complained about it as long as it doesnt affect me so much. I have always tried to maintain a cordial relationship with my inlaws inspite of many cold wars. I was in a different city and never really took serious issue of whatever they bring up through my husband. My husband was always very busy with his work and I was also working and taking care of the two kids and there were other things to worry.
All these changed in the last three years when my husband lost his job and took a new job in our native city where my inlaws and parents live. I and my kids joined him a year later. He was living with in his parents house and when we came we had to look for a house near my kids school. In his current job, its a public sector and his income is not waht he was earning before. His salary is now matching my salary. Before he was earning three times of it. I thought he will look for another job in the mean time. Looks like it is not happening as he keeps discussing with his father who asks him to stay in the city and public sector job is secured.
We also brought another house in the suburbs of the city and planned for my elder son (now in VIII) schooling also as he has to ocontinue there till his 10th standard. We have spent on all our savings on this and there is an EMI running from my salary account and my husband taking care of household expenses. These were all talked and decided how to manage our expenses.

Now the problem is that my husband has to travel up and down total 60 kms in a day to his office. In car, it hardly takes an hour of driving in the highway and no traffic like the city. inlaws house is very near to his office (walkable disntance of 15 min). Whenever it is late, he stays in his parents house and go to office and comes the other day depneding on the work. This was also ok with me as I thought it will help him to take rest of having to make the travel like this.
My BIL, his wife and his son live in my inlaws place. The place is totally cramped for space. Still they are living there inspite he has two houses that he has bought. I dont complain as it is his wish. BIL and cosister was a love marriage. Co-sister is a very dominant nature. She behaves as if she is managing the whole house. But not really, as the house is very dirty and not clean too. My inlaws are very stingy too. Simple example is that , they have the pillows that I saw when I came to the house first and it is as hard as a rock and no intention of throwing it. That is how my cosister also living stingly, not spending anything from their pocket. Nobody has any financial problems as such but that is how they are. I have taken the option to work from home in my office and manage the house and the kids. Lately, my husband keeps picking at me that I am of no good in keeping the house clean and i am very lazy and waste a lot. This brings in lot of fights between us for unnecessary things.

I have a maid to clean the house and keep it well maintained. I work from morning to evening and do my office work. I sit down with my kids in the evening for their studies. I teach my elder son and my younger and take care of their daily schedules, their home assingments, projects and what not. I have off on Sat and Sun and I dust and clean the house with my maid. Change the bedpsreads, send clothes for ironing, etc. all these are part of any working women activities. Inspite of all these, when my husband comes home in the evening, and sees any one notebook down , he just shouts at me and my kids. If things are not in the intended place, my elder son gets severe beatings from him. I am helpless and I am asked not to come in aid of my son or otherwise, I am told that I spoil them. Its very simple thing of a book not in aplace and a big fight erupts and my husband shouts that i am a lazy woman not brought up properly by my parents and no wonder s my parents are alos like that. another example, when we sit on the sofa and if my leg pushes the carpet by mistake and the carpet is not right now, I will get a big lecture of how a women should be.

My younger son and my bil son are of the same age. My son is constantly compared with him. My husband keeps complaining that my cosister takes care of her son properly whereas, I dont do that. i have pampered my son too much and made him a spoilt brat. Its just not fair. My son is so independent and he can most of the things himself and I ambeing a working mother has alwyas made to see that the boys can handle things even in my absence. I do need to travel to my office in another city whenever required and I need to take up calls in the evenings/night with my office folks in the US. During all these time, my sons behave as per told and manage the house properly. But my husband keeps putting me down saying that I am not good. this was not the case when we were living in the other city.
Life is like a hell for me and my sons. My elder son can see the difference and asks me why is daddy like this. My husband is not an outside person. He always prefer to be inside the house. He doesnt go and play with his sons outside and not even go for swimming with them. I do all these things. He doesnt even allow us to go outside the house after evening and If I wanted to go to shop I will get a big lecture. I cannot talk with my neighbours - all ladies have some chit chat after 9 pm - our house is inside a gated community and it is secured. Still i cannot go and talk to anybody in the evening.

He was not like this before. I can understand its all because of staying in my inlaws place once or twice in a week and the influence the cosister is creating the big drama. Dont know how to stop him going there.