Dont have courage to walk out..tortured daily..what should I do..

Dear, sorry to see you in such a situation. There will surely be women's organizations in the place where you live. Please reach out to one of them, which is a trusted and established organizations. The Young Women's Christian Organization (YWCA) is an international organization that works for women. It is not limited to Christian women only, everybody is welcomed. Why don't you look for a YWCA near your place?

Please talk to someone there, they will definitely be able to connect you to counsellors and support organizations.

First thing is, you should work on building your confidence. The thought that you are alone and helpless should be removed. You are a strong woman, and you will be able to walk out of an unhappy marriage. You will be able to build your life, earn a living, and be happy. It is a long process, but you will be successful.

Have faith in yourself. Please reach out to some women's support organization near you. I see that you have mentioned your country is UAE. Try to contact your native community organization ie Telugu Association, Malayalee Association, Kannada Association, you get my point, right?

Be strong, and you will be able to find the help you need to move on in life.

 

My hugs to you dear, think twice before you take any step. Leave your father what a woman is your mother?
First of all accept your situation.
Till you find a right path don't leave your husband as you need a safe place and shelter.
As crazywriter said gain strength first and grow strong.
Have you made any savings or protected your jewels from your husband?
First analyse yourself and find out in which field you are talented and then approach any of the women organisation which can help you.

 

This is really good advice.

I just want to send you strength and best wishes. You will definitely succeed in walking out of this emotionally abusive marriage.

Please look for help and support in your city / community. I am sure there will be something. And take all the help you can get to pick yourself up and become independent.

Hugs and best wishes to you OP. stay strong.

 

Don't leave him immediately. Prepare your strategy to live an independent life by taking advantage of being with him. This way, you are much prepared to leave when the right time comes for you'll to leave. Remember, you have 2 kids, who need a respectful and decent life.

Divorce him mentally... Don't think that he is your husband. Disconnect all your emotions from him.. Do it slowly. This helps you to become self dependent.

You said that you could not do your post graduation. Which means you have somehow done your under graduation. That's enough.
Try for any kind of job... Any decent job that comes your way.
If I were you, I would take up any job that pays me in a respectful manner. Don't stick to 9-5 office jobs only.
Start your career path with any job for now. That gives you self confidence and self dependency. From where, you could try for higher jobs later.
The contacts, friendships and the exposure after entering the workforce would give you tremendous support when the time comes for you to actually separate and lead a life with kids singlehandedly.

In the mean time, do take some legal advises.
In my country, if the husband applies for divorce at first, he would be forced to pay the maintenance for the wife and kids till the separation is legalized. Then alimony and any dowry should be returned.
However, if wife initiated the divorce, it is hard to get the maintenance.

Collect all the evidence for the case. Such as his prostitute trips, etc.. Record the conversations if possible. More importantly don't be aggressive and suspicious. Be the normal wife for your safety.

While being married, ensure you can save something from his salary if possible. Prepare your kids mentally to face a life with less facilities.

Don't count on anyone.. No in laws or parents. You are an adult, a mother and probably going to be an independent woman. Trust your instincts and make the decision.
All you need is some friends, neighbors or colleagues for that time being to be with you.
So earn those relationships by going out.

Once you are with a job, look for a house, rather a cheap one for the time being to stay.
Look something very closer to your kid's school and your work location.
If your kids are small, look for day care centers.

Now leave him. Officially announce the separation. Move out of his house.
The first few months would be tough. Once you are settled, you will be also given the alimony/maintenance etc... which would be of great help then.

In the mean time, if you are planning to enter a sex life with him (in any case), please use a condom. Ensure he checks for STD..

 

You have to find any little job in any field without any hesitations, then only you could build self confidence and strength. Hardwork is the only guaranteed way to lead the life steadily throughout the life in all the ups and downs.

 

The fact that you have worked before marriage shows that you should be able to enter workforce with a little bit of polishing of skills. But, you seem to have lost all your self confidence and building it should be your starting point now.
Think for yourself; your husband has cheated you nicely and he is still threatening you because he is almost certain that he has killed your confidence completely and you are living at his MERCY! But, do you want to be carpeted all through your life? Do you want to be treated like this? You do not and that is why you came up and posted here. Just keep telling yourself that any day you would need to take a leap, that big step and you are preparing towards that goal.
Try connecting with local communities which may be able to offer a safe place of stay for you. If you have good, close friends who are trustworthy and who are helpful, give them hints about your situation. Search for a job through them or their network. But, do not ever give your husband the hint that you are getting ready for the big leap. Keep whatever savings, your certificates and other documents and jewels that you have safe, you would need them. Look online for jobs. Do not show any hint of the growing confidence you have in you, and in front of your husband remain the same, crying, dependent wife.
Through friends, try and understand the legal proceedings also. Collect enough evidence on his debts, the life he leads (abt his visits to prostitutes etc) and am sure no one would let the custody of kids to a person like your spouse. But, for you to get things in your favor you need to collect evidence against him, any sort of abuse that he puts you through and most importantly a job that proves that you are capable of taking custody of kids.
Do not think of negatives all the time like how you would leave the kids, how you will survive outside somebody's shadow etc. Instead those should act as inspirations to you to get enough courage to build everything from scratch. All the best!

 

As I told you, establish yourself before you walk out. Take advantage of staying with him, and polish yourself for a career.
Once you are fit to a career, look for an apartment, circle of friends and the courage in you to live independently.

If his habit of visiting prostitutes/adultery etc is proved, he wouldn't be allowed to keep his children. That's why it is important to record your conversations with him.

Your kids are anyway small. So, obviously they will be allowed to stay with mom, while dad pays their maintenance.
It is also important to prove your ability to be a provider of your family. That helps the child custody battle.

 

Yes, this point is very important. Without your own earnings not easy to claim the kids custody in the court. As your spouse is in debts with bad habits he may not be able to pay the maintenance.

You need to work very hard to find the job which gives you self confidence. Self confidence is more important than money to face the hard problems in the life.

If HE stops you to find the job and working then only you need to think of immediate walk out to community based shelter.