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Don’t Want To Go Back...fight With Hubby

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by anika987, Jul 12, 2019.

  1. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Its possible she might be evaluating what to do and taking a break from IL.

    There are people that respond differently to responses to their posts:
    Some thank , Like and reply to every single response.
    Some write one general response thanking everyone.
    Some respond only to those whose opinions match up with what they want to do and had in mind. Any opposing views, ignored !
    Some don’t respond at all lol






     
  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom Platinum IL'ite

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    The grass is usually greener on the other side. And a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Trite but true.
     
  3. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi guys!!!

    Sorry could not respond coz I was away on a vacation with my family here and just came back yesterday:) hence could not respond.

    Read all your posts and everyone has responded with so much clarity.All your opinions are respected and mean well to me.Thank you all

    Agreed my hubby is a good person and family issues are manageable...

    I kept introspecting myself as to why I was not able to enjoy being abroad despite having the needs..

    As an example, My hubby has taken me to exotic vacations and gorgeous beaches but the happiness I got when I visited ooty/munnar and the feelings I felt are way superior than those locations..I don’t know why

    I left India coz I had desires and money earned in dollars helped me satiate that..whatever I wanted to do in India..I come back and do it now..

    At the same time..not everyday here in India is the same..plus and minus are there everywhere..but right now I am with my mom at my house in India,being with my friends with whom I can be myself and enjoying socializing etc..

    Is it coz of my surroundings that make me feel like that?

    I know everyone has desires,we all have to work around it and if you know me personally,I look like one of the happiest person around.I am happy but this trouble of being neither here or there is worrying..Am afraid to lose the time I spend with my mom and my buddies there..I want to make the most of it
     
    SinghManisha, shravs3, SunPa and 2 others like this.
  4. Desiindian

    Desiindian Silver IL'ite

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    It is always a pleasant time staying at parents home, both for married men and women. Your feelings are valid and understandable. But, there comes prioritization in life, that too when a child is involved. You are blessed with many good things in life except the social circle at your place. Assume that you are sacrificing this for your kid who would wish to stay with both parents under one roof. Is it not better to work part time to kill the boredom, than staying away from your husband?
     
  5. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    Here is an article I read recently read about this issue.

    My Opinion: "Is Settling In USA Worth It For Indians?"

    Now you are in the comfort of your parents home. If you want to return and can stay with your parents or near them, you will be happy . If not going back comes with other issues. Will you be happy if you stay with husband s parents. It can happen.

    If you stay away from them in another city in India, will you be happy like this. Now every one entertain you because you are there for a short period. If you settle, no one , will have this much time to entertain. Also you are in financially better position.

    But I agree with one thing, happiness is more important than money or comfort, at the time money is needed to maintain those comforts. We miss our family , social life in India for sure.

    When I stayed in a city with lot of indian friends, I never missed India much. I was so comfortable and happy. But now I am living in a place where there is not much scope for that level of interaction or friends. Its boring and I miss everything in India. So I can understand what's going on in your mind. Anyway, take a decision that's best for you and your family. Good luck
     
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2019
    Dhamini and anika987 like this.
  6. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Okay...let me add one more thing..
    Please don’t judge me guys based on this..it’s very hard for me to bluntly open up and here goes...

    One of the reasons am also not actively searching for a job is.. I may not be able to take long India trips..

    One of my cousin said that since am
    Not working,am able to take long vacations but otherwise no one of her friends come for a long duration.

    I told that maybe they will come
    For two or three weeks..She said it’s too short plus after middle school,it’s very hard to take even that two week vacation to India..okay! Now that scared me.

    Another thing is couple of my friends live in India and everytime we have a blast enjoying and that I will miss if I come only for a two week vacation...I hate the social life in America.To me it’s so boring and forced....friendships is something which should be formed naturally..we should enjoy their company and so should they! Yes problems happen and it does even with my good friends BUT we let go so easily coz we naturally like them and we are comfortable around them.Honestly,many people there whom we meet..most of us won’t even will be their friend if we were in India.

    Atleast once a year am able to enjoy going out and socializing and come
    Back rejuvenated.


    Anyhow as kids grow up..India vacations will become shorter..I am confused should I wait to even try for a job until kiddo reaches middle school which will be in another four years and by that time I will also be in mid forties,so does my friends and socializing might also naturally take a backseat..I would have also enjoyed India to the fullest..

    Many say they started a career when their kids are even in high school..so I keep thinking I should satiate my force desire in the next four years and after that naturally it’s tough to stay in India with older kids for two months..


    Again but as many said hubby’s career,money is also important and kid’s life is important.One has to make sacrifices..My mind says all this and I want to change but am losing sleep not able to accept it..

    My husband says every year he will send me so that way I won’t miss India but people around me in India are talking
    Why am sitting all summer in India..
    To add to it,some relatives are also very jealous that I go out with friends and insult my friends!! I have fought so much this time in India with them..

    I feel confused..

    I have said everything bluntly..

    Now..hubby is in mid forties and he feels starting a career at this age in India is a nightmare and his company won’t transfer and it won’t work which is fine.
    Also...we need the finance and also need to think about kid’s wellbeing..

    My only option which am totally fine and hubby is also okay with it and so does my parents...me going to India every year During summer vacation until I can.
    This will work but comes with cons..

    1) My in-laws and other relatives talk rudely.
    2) Secondly am afraid I will be looked low coz am not working coz my child is also getting more independent and older.
    3) All the other moms I know in my kid’s class are working and I don’t want to be ignored..
    4) I would like to work but only after few years coz automatically I can’t come to India after kids are in middle school..But afraid of being ignored by other moms as most are working and also my relatives comments....
    5) Honestly..I would be very very happy if I can go to India every year atleast until middle school..And then happily will take up a job (if people get one atleast a clerical job at that age)

    It feels so relaxing to tell the blunt truth..it was so hard for me to type this guys but I had to...better to tell it exactly how I feel..
     
    Last edited: Jul 19, 2019
    hermitcrab, shravs3 and Amulet like this.
  7. Angela123

    Angela123 Silver IL'ite

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    Who are these people? I guess it is not your friends who you like to hang out with.
    If move to India, some of them are going to definitely say that "Oh they had a great life in the U.S, they threw away everything to come here". If you settle in the U.S, they are going to say, " Look how selfish they are, they don't care about family or parents". So stick with what you want. And go with it.

    Also, remember that once in high school, kids have a lot of other activities and things to do for school even in summer. But they are grown up, so you can still go by yourself for vacation in India, or kids can go on their own too.

    I feel that you are being pulled in different directions not because of your thoughts but based on what others say. If your family can financially afford you not working but still be able to visit India every summer and you like it, by all means you should do it. you can still keep it as vacation instead of completely moving to india.
     
    shravs3, hermitcrab and anika987 like this.
  8. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Am also not asking forever..Just for the next few years..this arrangement will surely make me happy and just writing about it makes me relaxed..but as I said I can’t work if i want long vacations and so bit worried about comments from others
     
    Angela123 likes this.
  9. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Do this then. Go to India every year.
    Why care about relatives
    As for in laws, don't do to their house
     
    shravs3 and anika987 like this.
  10. Murano

    Murano Platinum IL'ite

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    hi anika, have read many of your threads. you are a fun loving person, that is what i infer from your topics and content.
    an individual in late 30's being a kid looking for fun is a rarity, and you have it, do retain that.
    am sure you must be having a hobby or rather love doing something. identify that or find a new one and pursue that.
    it sounds that financially you are ok and don't need to take up a job. that's a blessing and all the more fun to pursue what you like.
    it is the free time that is making you crazy. keep yourself occupied with what you love, being with the family.
    all the best to you.
     

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