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Don’t Want To Go Back...fight With Hubby

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by anika987, Jul 12, 2019.

  1. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    The young in India imagine America to be all party, all dazzle, and no work, no struggle.
    Girls stuck at home with only children's company, perhaps Radio Zindagi blaring all the time to remind them of home, life can be just so tedious.
    link to Radio: Radio Zindagi Live Streaming
     
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  2. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

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    True. There is water crisis in Chennai.
    So in California.
    So in New York which witnesses heavy floods.

    However this is not about which place is better. This is about to which place OP can have an emotional connect.
     
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  3. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    I have spoken to many Indian women living for few years in USA. They are well aware.
    Most of them don't want to go back. Maybe mostly due to in laws issues.
    A friend of mine cried when she had to go back to India when her husband's h1 b extension got rejected.
     
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  4. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    One has to be practical also.
     
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  5. Sandyr46

    Sandyr46 Finest Post Winner

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    Yeah...most of the responses just miss out the practical side. Easier said than done - emotional well is more important than finance. Take a chance, live in India for a year, check the job scenario. I understand if the person has no scope or no financial means but to leave US and come back to home country. But uprooting everytin that is stable and restart again seems more like a childish approach. Its fine when u r single without responsibilities. But as a family its best to think practical rather than jumping to conclusion over trivial issues like 'emotions'
     
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  6. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

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    Exactly!
    That's what mentioned in previous reply.
    An informed decision keeping her husband's career and her emotional part should be considered before deciding on anything.

    Probably as few suggested she can try staying in India for a period of 1 year and see how things work. A lot of sacrifice comes with staying away from husband.
     
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  7. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes. That will give her a clear picture
     
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  8. Thoughtful

    Thoughtful Silver IL'ite

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    I feel the response to this thread has been one-dimensional as everyone is settled in USA and have decided they don't want to go back. This thread needs a few folks who went back or live in india.

    Few things:
    1. If in the first 10 years someone hasn't adapted to USA and still think of India, feel good in India, they will only thrive in India. Life for them will always be unsatisfactory and a compromise.
    2. I know a lot of folks who returned to india. Contemplated, came back to USA and went back to India again. No one repented going back to India. Some missed the comfort of USA on their return first time and tried to come back once, but on their second visit, they knew for sure, its not where they want to live.
    3. Even americans, when they go to india, find a different part of them. Looking at other human being, from rich to the poor, the kindness, the open-ness touches everyone. India might have lot of issues, but you will always find a shoulder to cry on. No matter what the sorrow is, you will find energy among people who will inspire.

    In USA, at the end of the day, everyone is lonely. Ask anyone in USA, if they ever felt lonely. Not many indians feel the kind of loneliness.

    Also, the advice to ask Anika to live a year in india alone is unfair. Why should her husband not live with her so he too realizes what he misses.

    I think USA is convenient for her husband, but India will keep Anika alive.

    Its a big step for him though. He needs to believe in himself that he can give a good life to his family in india, which he doesn't.
     
  9. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    I agree with you, India is a beautiful country and social culture to live with our own people, and we have so many emotions attached to it - our motherland, our family, friends etc , that can never be replaced by money. Also , the salaries are related with cost of living so it gets adjusted anyway. I can completely understand Anika's feelings for her home country and her home/family .Its not so easy to uproot on'es life. Me and my husband don't prefer to go or settle abroad. Her best course of action is to convince her husband to transfer to India , and Anika should be ready to help him by taking up a job.
    But one thing is she should never stay away from her husband for one year for friends etc, as that is like playing with your own married life and highly unfair to the husband. Especially I agree with @Sunshine04 if he has clarified about settling abroad before marriage, then its not fair to him. If she is ready to avoid her husband /kids for this and she describes life with them abroad as a "nightmare" definitely very major issues in her marriage.
     
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2019
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  10. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    There are definitely huge sacrifices required and it's like playing with one's marriage.
    If the genders were reversed would we ever advice for the husband to tell his wife to work abroad and earn for the family, while he live separately for 1 year and enjoys with his parents and friends in home country?? Does her husband not have any emotions? Yes there are people who do stay away from spouse for studies/job demands/duty but staying apart in different countries for frivolous reasons is not good.And Anika has kids also, why should the kids have to cope with separated parents at their growing stage? Mothers know how much kids miss their parents even for a few days/weeks distance.
    Anikas' behaviour to avoid her lonely husband and create problems for her kids is immature.


     
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2019
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