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Don’t Want To Go Back...fight With Hubby

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by anika987, Jul 12, 2019.

  1. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    If a person is in a truly abusive marriage then they should divorce inspite of the financial hardships and I admire those women who took that hard decisions- they should never regret it for financial sake.
    And ofcourse, financial needs are real so parents should educate girls properly and make them capable of having good jobs so they dont have to put up with abusive marriages for financial security. Letting women choose their own husbands would also help to some extent to choose the right guy for the right reasons.
     
    anika987 likes this.
  2. Sandyr46

    Sandyr46 Finest Post Winner

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    Here am only hinting about the 'emotional aspect'. All I state is emotional wellness is a luxury when all other aspects are covered.
     
    anika987 likes this.
  3. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    Ok , then maybe I am not able to understand exactly what you wanted to convey .In any case, we both have good intentions for Anika - hope she finds a solution to her problems.
     
    SinghManisha likes this.
  4. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    [​IMG]
    I bet someone on this forum had already mentioned Maslow's hierarchy of needs. First we need money, some scheme of future economic stability (so as to beget, raise kids safely), and then an affectionate group to live with. And then the need for intangibles come in. There are ample reasons for anika987 to feel the way she does.
    I remember (vaguely) some fantasy gift giving thread when we all gave gifts to fellow IL-ites. One gift given to anika987 was a house with a front door that opens to the American street where she lives, and the back door that opens to the Indian street where she goes to every year, and dreams about it everyday she is in America. I cannot locate that post now.

    If we lived in some futuristic scifi world, we could easily do that proverbial magic: "have the cake and eat it too". Clone anika987 and Mr.anika987 and leave out the specific gene that likes the exciting life in India in the first case, and skip the gene that likes USA life in the latter case. Then two sets of happy couple can each live in India and America. The couple in the USA will both work, make the money, and wire most of it to India. The couple in India will raise the children, anguish about homework, bharatanatyam classes, etc.. full time, and don't have to go to any work except have fun and kids. [The cloning service would naturally take in other improvement options into consideration as well; neither party will be forced to live with a perfect clone of a preexisting faulty specimen.]

    Until that happens Mr. & Mrs. anika987 have to muddle forward with the poor technology and make do with whatever works for their comfort.
     
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  5. Sandyr46

    Sandyr46 Finest Post Winner

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    Similar to what I had in mind.
     
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  6. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

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    Anika I would suggest if you use Instagram follow this handle - mylaporeaathuponnu.

    She has a everyday collection of her life in US and it is super inspiring.
    She states her Initial struggles of staying away from India and how she coped up later.

    However she has moved back to India recently after 6 years stay in the US. But nevertheless she is an inspiring lady and her everyday enthusiastic and positive posts are something I look forward to and learn how to convert the negatives to positives.

    Finally I want to add take an informed decision about staying in the US or moving back to India keeping in mind your husband's career and your emotional connect to the place you want to stay. :)
     
    anika987 likes this.
  7. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    If a person is deeply dissatisfied with life day in day out , the money will not compensate nor buy happiness .

    Anika , take a plunge and stay in India for couple of years ... stay by yourself in a different house and not with parents.

    Life when you visit and life when you actually stay and manage day to day is totally different . At the end of the time , you may still find India rewarding or want they back to easy life in us, then you husband and you can decide future course . If you still want to be India, then Finding a job in India with a huge salary expectation is not so easy in Indi for your husband. You may need to consider long distance .2Many people do this and nothing new . Try for few years which may help your life and happiness.

    If you continue this way it may impact on your mental health. Sometimes you need to give importance to yourself .
     
  8. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    I heard from one such friend in Mylapore. They are having a very grim water-scarcity situation over there. Some of the older folks with children in America/Canada/wherever consider leaving that town in Summer Times is the best solution.

    One IL-ite is currently suffering a lump in the throat, but no water to dissolve it.
     
  9. nuss

    nuss Platinum IL'ite

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    @anika987 - I understand what you mean. Do you work in the USA? I am sure you understand that it's not easy for you (if that's the case) and your husband to find a good job right away in India. If I were you, I'd go back and make a plan. Say, in the next two years we would move back to India. In the meantime, you can look for jobs and start downsizing in the USA.

    If possible buy a flat in India in the town where your family and friends are. Establish a holiday home in India and then you can spend the summer holidays (if kids are in the school) and Christmas/Fall/Spring breaks in India in your own home. That way you will have a connection to both worlds and when the time comes to move to India (in 2/4 years whatever you decide), you will have things well under control. If your husband gets a job in a place different from your hometown, you can still keep the flat as a second home or rent it.
     
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  10. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Anika, Before marriage
    Didn't your husband communicate clearly that he will be working and living in USA his entire life.
    I know many women who would die to be in your shoes
     
    anika987 likes this.

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