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Does your husband disrespect you?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sadwife, Jan 12, 2011.

  1. sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

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    Hi.

    I am just wondering whether we could share the things or situations when our spouse had been disrespectful towards us. How did you react and advices on how we should react and what should we actually tell them so that they don't repeat it? Some don't even realize that their spouse is insulting or disrespecting them. So by sharing our experience many will tend to understand what does it actually mean by disrespect.

    My hubby once talked to me in an irritated tone infront his mother.
    I felt he didn't respect me.
    I was so mad that I told him he better stop his nonsense and I will not accept another insult infront anyone anymore. From then on, he makes sure he talks to me nicely infront others especially when his family is around.
     
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2011
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  2. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes, he does speak as if he is disrespectful when he is angry. He doesnt do that when he is normal but when he is angry, he goes out of control. Later he apologies but the damage is already done.
    I keep telling him that he is hurting me deeply but then he apologizes and say he wouldnt do it again. But he does.

    One consolation is that he never ever shouts or uses any words even remotely closer to being disrespectful in front of a third person.
     
  3. sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Rakhii,

    Even I say something nasty (although I don't mean it) to my spouse when I am angry and regret it later, but like you say it's no point apologizing after that once the damage is done.
    My husband too sometimes say hurting things ( I know he doesn't mean it) when he's angry with me and later apologizes but again like you said it's not that easy to forgive and forget once I have been hurt.

    Now both of us try not to hurt each other with words.
    When we argue or fight, I tell him "We don't have to argue about this since this is not a big issue that's going to matter for the rest of our life." And we both would stop arguing.

    I try to give him as much as respect I can so that I would get back the same respect.
     
  4. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    hi sadwife,

    congratulations. that takes so much self-control and maturity. :hatsoff
     
  5. Unkown

    Unkown New IL'ite

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    Im lucky that my hubby respects me a lot infront of his parents or sister. He hardly gets angry, but when he does, its only me who can deal him.. Since ours is a love marriage, he wants everone to repect me the way he recieves it from others.. The day he disrespects me he knows that the rest of them (friends or relatives), will also start disregarding me..
    But just incase I would have had a husband who does disrespect me infront of others, I would rather keep quiet for the moment and deal with it a little later, when no one is around..
     
  6. sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

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    satchi,

    Thanks but it's not easy you know. :bonk
    I am trying my best not to lose my cool when arguing with my hubby and always remind myself anger and yelling will do no good in our relationship in the longer run. I am happy that my hubby is also co-operating.

    unkown,

    Good that your husband believes that he needs to respect his wife.
    I agree with you that if he disrespects you especially infront his family then for sure it's a lot more easier for them to insult, bully or disrespect you (if at all they are bad inlaws).

    When my husband and I first got married, my MIL and co-sister thought they could comment anything to me or about me but my dear hubby proved them wrong. Now they don't dare to say anything infront me and recently I see they say less things that would hurt me.

    And I agree that in case our spouse disrespect us infront others, we should keep quiet and deal with it later when no one is around. But I think if they keep disrespecting us infront others then it's time to let them taste their own medicine.
     
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2011
  7. sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

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    You call your spouse and they say they will call you back in a while but you don't hear from them for hours. Is this disrespecting you?

    You call your spouse and he/she is with friends and not comfortable to talk to you infront them. Is this disrespecting you? Don't you think you are their spouse and they should be able to talk to you freely and comfortably wherever they are?

    Please come up with more examples of disrespecting situations. :hiya
     
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2011
  8. indianguy2010

    indianguy2010 IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Rakhi,

    Please understand that the above, is a manners, worth appreciating liberally. Kudos to your man...!
     
  9. indianguy2010

    indianguy2010 IL Hall of Fame

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    Clearly, the above is an insulting stuff to most. Last week, at 7 pm onwards, I was watching Fox History Channel. The program was 'International Terrorism since 1945'. On that day, they were telling about the Palestine Isreli conflict, since the origin of it, starting from second world war.

    In my life, I have attempted to understand the Isreli Palestine conflict, so many times, but could not. Because, I did not know the background of the conflict. Whenever I tried to read the same in sites like Wikipedia, the boredom used to stop me. But, on that evening, the documentary maker made it so simple, he started from the original source of the conflict, how it evolved, everything in great detail. I was so engrossed in the program, listening to every detail of it, putting tv microphone on my ears.

    Considering the nature of my job, phones keep coming to me, every fifth minute. I ignored all calls. Then, my wife's call came. She was outside, on her way back from her work. Because it was my wife's call, I just attended it (genuinely out of respect) and said quickly, "I will call you back. I can not talk now". I immediately cut off the line and switched my attention to the documentary.

    She got enraged. Then she called my son, on his mobile, asked my son to give the phone to me. My son came from the next room, with his mob phone on, with my wife on line in it. I gave a refusal gesture by hands to my son and continued to listen to the documentary. My son conveyed to my wife "appaa, refuses to talk".

    When the program's commercial break came, I called back. But, by that time, she was so angry.............did not attend my call. Coming back home, she expressed her anger, in so many ways for the next one hour. "A stupid TV documentary has been more important to you , than attending my call", was the reason for her anger. She was terribly angry.

    Then, she was not talking to me..........for sometime. Did you know, what I did ? I applied the same technique, which your man applies to you. I forcibly, did "gudh-gudhi" (in hindi) & கிட்சலம் in Tamil, onto the sides of her (ribs)chest wall, with my fingers. She could not control the immediate jerky laughter. She ran around, I chased her , held her......and stubbornly applied the technique, which I learnt from your posts. :)

    And, 'Sadwife', please make no misakes, your hubby is a genius.....:thumbsup

    His technique worked wonderfully well to me.......in pacifying her. Within minutes, she got cooled and I hugged her.

    There are so many silent male readers of this forum.........Buddies, I strongly recommend the above technique to you guys also, in pacifying your angry wives....!

    Hip ..........Hip.........Hurray to Sadwife's husband...!! :)
     
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2011
  10. sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

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    indianguy,

    :rotfl:rotfl:biglaugh:biglaugh
     

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