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Does the daughter in law need to be like this to keep the inlwas/hubby in control ?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by ivlakshmi, Oct 17, 2013.

  1. ivlakshmi

    ivlakshmi Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Friends,
    This is about my cousins wife. Hers was a love marriage with my cousin. Before marriage she use to make her friends call my cousin so that he is not missed out all the time. After the marriage this is the case:
    - She never goes to parents place. She called her parents only for some time for first delivery after that she made my cousins parents to come look after her and her baby.
    - After a year or so she left to different country for say 2years or more. Now she has come to India for visit. Do not know the reason but she is not willing to go to parents place and she told my aunt (cousins mom) that she will go visit her parents for only 2 days. My aunt convinced her saying that they are your parents and you need to stay atleast for 1 week. My aunt was expecting that she will go but she has taken her hubby along and went.

    Can sticking to hubby all the time makes the relation ship better? Till date I have not seen her leaving him and I have also observed that she does not give much space for her mother in law to bitch about her. On the other hand I feel that she is doing injustice to her parents.
     
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  2. sweetshreya

    sweetshreya IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: Does the daughter in law need to be like this to keep the inlwas/hubby in control

    Maybe her parents only taught her this ????
     
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  3. Radhai

    Radhai Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: Does the daughter in law need to be like this to keep the inlwas/hubby in control

    injustice? How?
     
  4. Radhai

    Radhai Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: Does the daughter in law need to be like this to keep the inlwas/hubby in control

    If Hubby loves the company, yes.
     
  5. polymorphic

    polymorphic Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: Does the daughter in law need to be like this to keep the inlwas/hubby in control

    Why do you care? Why cannot your aunt let her son (ur cousin) also stay with ur parents? Why is your aunt(and you) insistent that she go to her parents place by herself without cousin? Why does your aunt want her son alone? Your aunts demands are more suspicious than your cousin;s wife's demands.

    If your cousins wife can stay in your aunt's house for 90% vacation why cant your husband stay with her parents for atleast 10% of it? I dont understand what your concern is.

    People expect "gender-equality" when it comes to inlaws but everything goes out of the window when it comes one's own cousin, brother. Your cousin's wife must be posting another thread -"My MIL wants me to go to parents place w/o husband"... :)

    Some couples do like to be together all the time. Maybe your cousin also wants her to be with him all the time? Is it hard to digest?

    My husband also does not let me be alone at inlaws house and always gives me company when I go to parents house. My MIL may want her son all by himself (which she does) without me, but i consider that her way of being unable to accept me as a part of him. Only once in 7 yrs of marriage he has stayed like that and MIL was very happy about it (i was disappointed only because i was not informed about his return dates after his onsite work whereas he chose to stay overnight in his mom's place in transit). I was not threatened by it at all. I was sad that he did not inform me and was expecting him to be home after a month (newly married u see :) It has never happened again :D

    PS: I dont have any problem spending time with my parents all by myself. Truth is he cannot spend time with his mom alone because that would mean talking behind my back. So, thats the situation in my family. But yes, my MIL thinks I am the one who is tagging along :D
     
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  6. augustmom

    augustmom Senior IL'ite

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    Re: Does the daughter in law need to be like this to keep the inlwas/hubby in control

    Does your cousin (her husband) have an issue with this ? If no, then what is the problem? If it was the other way round, like Dil visiting her parents home often, not being nice to her husband, it would have been a bigger concern. Then her inlaws would have lectured her saying "After marriage, a girl should stay with her inlaws" etc etc ..If the husband is not happy with his wife sticking to him like a glue, he should tell her that...
     
  7. sunshine1970

    sunshine1970 Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Does the daughter in law need to be like this to keep the inlwas/hubby in control

    I think this subject is really not your business. If the girl spent majority of the vacation at parents house then it's a problem. Let's stop being judgemental and critical of others and let them lead their lives the way they want. I know after I got married I sort of cut off my parents because everytime I was away from my DH my MIL would turn him against me. It was my insecurity and immaturity that I wanted to stick to my DH so I could stop the gossiping. After two years I'm like I can't change this and gave up. You never really know truly why someone is doing what they are doing and really it is not anyone's business. You and your aunt should stick your noise out of it.
     
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  8. Janki75

    Janki75 Bronze IL'ite

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    Re: Does the daughter in law need to be like this to keep the inlwas/hubby in control

    Dear OP- it could be a number of things. First inlaws complain we see our parents too much- and then they complain we don't see them enough? I understand you think that she is doing injustice to her parents as in not visiting them enough. It could be that maybe she wasn't close to them to begin with- really gets along with her MIL and Inlaws and is happy with her family life. Or it could also be that you don' know what goes on in the house behind closed doors. Maybe your aunt has made it very difficult for her in the past where she has had to forcefully cut ties with her parents and see them minimal and you are only hearing aunt's version. I know b/c in the beginning my MIL made it very difficult for me when I used to see my parents and sister and cousins. No one knew all the trouble she would cause with DH and turn him etc. It seemed like I didn't see my parents often to the outsiders. ( now they can kiss my ass- I will see my family no matter what anyone says)
     
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  9. ivlakshmi

    ivlakshmi Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: Does the daughter in law need to be like this to keep the inlwas/hubby in control

    Polymorfic - I don't have any business in their personal lives nor interested in insisting some one. It was just a view point.
    i feel that she has strong insecurity feeling. Regarding my aunt, she is too tough with her inlaws and never let them come to her house.
    I have another cousin happily married settled in US. when ever they come they stay alone with their own parents and leave together. they would not want to missed out their limited time with parents as they are staying far away. i feel that the case of this cousin is exception.
     
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  10. Janki75

    Janki75 Bronze IL'ite

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    Re: Does the daughter in law need to be like this to keep the inlwas/hubby in control

    Ivlakshmi- can you clarify regarding your aunt? she is too tough on whose inlaws? Her daughter in laws' family and never let them visit in her home?
     

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