Does Teasing from DH has ever become annoying to you? If yes how do you deal with it

Hyral · Aug 19, 2015

The saying "ONE WHO TEASES YOU , ACTUALLY HE LIKES YOU" is not always a blessing...Not in my case atleast...
Am not sure if this is really a problem or I should ignore.
My eldest cousin sis loves to host ppl with whom she is close...and am one of them.
But , one dark side of her nature is...whtever she does she self praises herself and since childhood she dominates younger ones and Yes I have been victim of her dominating nature...She had Love marriage (she ran away and got married to his Boyfriend) my Jiju now. Again, she is not even a graduate but is smart enough in art, in organizing the stuffs, packing etc...and more she has that personality and weight in her voice that any strong headed person will also melt by her words....she not only dominates on her husband , she is good enough in making her DH take her side even when any of our cousins teases her including me...She loves to gift me, take me around every thing is great....but wht I hate the most is...she teases me for xyz thing...at times its more than a teasing and I find it offending too and not only her DH but my DH also joins her gang and tease me....I feel bullied....I explained my husband for many a times that I dont mind you teasing me but at times atleast be by my side , you leave no stone to insult me...like for eg...she and Jiju (My BIL) took us around to many eating joints in her city , we had a train back to my place and hence for last place she suggested I told my DH...lets do one thing...we can drop to go back and can stay back coz this may disturb our stomach....as she too have not leave any stone in past to reply to my simplest question so i spoke out to my DH....in return he said...'I am ok about staying back...make sure you get leave ...and many more things he said and I really felt insulted ' for not once he ever took my side...and my this Cousin and her DH loves to make fun of not just me and DH as a couple but even to other sensible couples of our family who are not only highly educated but sensible...

Like my another elder Cousin sis , she is CA and so is her DH...now , like normally way couples react...if my this another cousin is teased by her DH , my this eldest cousin feels they are not gelling out well...
I tried to ignore by thinking I dont care wht she thinks but I am not able to ignore more...now , she has this long childhood habit to take new person could be cousin's spouse or friend of any cousin on her side and she is good in that....my DH enjoys my cousin sis and her Husband's company a lot...and am in a way getting irriate now....coz if I have some personal talk to my DH over something and if he objects / teases me over same...she smiles to her Husband and that smile is not casual one...its like making fun of me kind of smile....

The day we were to leave I told my DH....dont you act weird to me...not once you take my side all you can do is tease me....you didnt see how my cousin's DH favors her for every single thing she says...i dont ask you to be saying 'Yes mam' all the time but atleast when am right...to that he got irritate and said to me 'You dont deserve to get married to anyone' when I intervened him over his hurtful words by saying 'Fine than why did you marry me' he replied..'I didnt know you will be so immature like this' i was too upset and said if that is the case you decide wht you want next...much before we went on trip with my cousin and jiju...I told my DH that you better be nice to me...dont make me look dumb by taking side of my cousin for every single teasing and fun she does..
There are many unsaid things dont wanna make already long post more longer...just wanna conclude am not weak hearted person who takes casual and lighter teasing to heart here its more than that....

I really dont get how to get this into head of my DH and cousin sis too....she is too much into show off...next thing she expected after we left for our home is to write a good THANKING MSG to her and her DH on FB and Whats App both...who asks for token of thanks for themselves from others....I was anyways going to thank her for hosting us thought my experience was not so great....

Am too upset with my hubby for hurtful words he said and not talking to him currently...

Ragini25 · Aug 19, 2015

Re: Does Teasing from DH has ever become annoying to you? If yes how do you deal with

When we are so weak hearted that we can let another person (any person incl DH) affect our mood so much, we are the fools. Thin skin is bad (sensitive)

Take it in one ear, let it go the other ear. Thick skin. (less sensitive better).

Hyral · Aug 19, 2015

Re: Does Teasing from DH has ever become annoying to you? If yes how do you deal with

I really liked what you adviced but are you sure we can do this every time...I mean I tried ignoring this in our earlier get togethers but this irks me now and the point is I don't play tit for tat , but for a case if I tease my cousin back...she has back up system her DH to take her side and not only that My DH plays along to take her side...I dont get it why cant he act sensible...infact lately i avoided any discussions coz I knew its gonna lead to arguments and more over such silly bullying..Like we were at hill station...I wanted Ice cream....my DH was ok about it....but my cousin started her dominating nature by lecturing me reasons of not having ice cream....I still had coz I am not a kid to get advice for wht I should eat wht I should not especially if am on a holiday...my DH who was fine with me having Ice cream in good note was suddenly against me having ice cream and he too started telling my cousin she doesnt listen , she is stubborn etc etc....and I told my DH , you were fine some time back wht happened now....and he had no answer....she, DH, Jiju all had hot coffee...next day she had Ice cream....i really didnt get what was she trying to tell me...by she herself not following it...

Ragini25 · Aug 19, 2015

Re: Does Teasing from DH has ever become annoying to you? If yes how do you deal with

I didnt mean tease her back. I meant - develop a thick skin, ignore, and when possible get up and walk away to go do something else.

SGBV · Aug 19, 2015

Re: Does Teasing from DH has ever become annoying to you? If yes how do you deal with

I think you are way too much sensitive; hence taking minor things to heart. This may be looked as if you are immature.

Learn to give it back politely. If your H says about your leave, then say something about it like, yes... I am a responsible staff, hence I can't be irresponsible like you. Nevertheless, I will take care of my leave and you don't bother. Say it jokingly and leave it that matter.
Don't take it to heart.

swt.charu · Aug 19, 2015

Re: Does Teasing from DH has ever become annoying to you? If yes how do you deal with

I know many people who in a subtle way pinch you where it hurts .. just for fun... they mean no real harm or may also be "very good" at various other things ...

I have seen some in my own circle and there are things that put them off and it feels so nice to see that "look" on their face when you do "those" things that irritate them.

Things that you can do

1) Cut off completely ... last resort.. I personally have never felt the need to do this.. instead I find such guys amusing and entertain myself a little.

2) PDA with hubby.. may not be when you are at home chatting .. but when you go out to restaurant or outing.. pretend you never intended them to notice and blush big time

3) Do not "demand" certain behaviour from hubby... rather "navigate" him to give you what you want. I am sure this cousin must be teasing husband also.. ensure you back you hubby in a clever way ... he will eventually see what you need

4) gain attention of or focus on any other person who is neither this cousin nor your hubby .. it could be anyone else in the group.. including your cousin's hubby or better still their kids... leave the offending group for some time (longer than usual) .. they will eventually notice the pattern... that everytime they cross a line ... you go missing from the scene. See.. you have conveyed a message without uttering a word.

5) when they say something silly or nonsensical.. have that bemused / amused look with a sly smile on your face.. I don't know if you get the picture correctly reading this.. sometimes that "look" is enough to send the message.. you should convey to them "people... have not heard anything more stupid in a while". Let them wonder what's going on inside you..

There are many such things you can do you know... will post if I remember anything else...

kcb · Aug 19, 2015

Re: Does Teasing from DH has ever become annoying to you? If yes how do you deal with

Why don't you tell your cousin politely that you are not happy with her behaviour and also tell her that her teasing habit can damage your relation with her...

MalStrom · Aug 19, 2015

Re: Does Teasing from DH has ever become annoying to you? If yes how do you deal with

If their behavior upsets you so much, maybe call a time-out on the interactions?

Hyral · Aug 19, 2015

Re: Does Teasing from DH has ever become annoying to you? If yes how do you deal with

Thanks a lot for your valuable suggestions...
I will surely put them in use for next gathering..
Option 4) is not possible for her DH backs her a lot in hindi as we say 'Joru ka ghulam' types he will do whatever his wife wishes to... also they dont have kids...
What I can't take off well is my DH's behavior...inspite of me telling him clearly that I really dont like you behaving like this he still continues....
If I back him like for eg; he doesn't wanna go out for he is tired during our stay in hotel along with cousin sis and her DH...they will start convincing him and soon after DH is all ready to go out and when I say but you are tired take rest he will say something in teasing tone or teasing yet rude manner....

The only good pt is once we are away from them he is all good and he doesn't even talks about my cousin and her DH....

Now, she is my Maternal aunty's daughter (Masi's daughter) cutting off wont work...I have started giving excuses for next trip they wanted to plan with us in oct...I said I'll be busy not possible.....I wish I can cut off from such irritating ppl...am too much upset with Hubby for what he said to me...I wont feel relaxed until I discuss o ut with him but dont know how to explain him my point...He feels am immature...am not kiddish that I take every teasing to heart but I am definetly having sense to realize one is teasing or Making fun...which my hubby fails to understand...he enjoys all this coz neither my cousin nor her DH makes fun of my DH....

Hyral · Aug 19, 2015

Re: Does Teasing from DH has ever become annoying to you? If yes how do you deal with

Thanks dear,
I did react by smiling half hearted way @swt. charu suggested...and I even had heated argument with her where in she lost her cool first...and I told her talk to me properly , if you give me half info am not gonna get what you meant by....
I really feeling like saying 'I hate my DH' for this...at times he is so nice that I go crazy over him...but this behavior and these words of him...has hurted me the most...like for eg; my cousin sis said 'I make yummy pastas' her DH added 'Yup , she makes most yummy pastas' I too appreciated her by saying 'Wow thats good though I have never tasted wht she cooks' later on some other incidence I said 'I make so n so Item really well, Mihir likes it' to this my DH said 'Ya but you dont make only' to that I replied ' we are having healthy food this days naa you only said no for that item' to that he said 'Whatever' and here this cousin of mine and her DH both started laughing and talking with-in themselves.