Does Marriage Gets Better With Time ?

Hi @shama146

For some marriage improves with time and for other it becomes worse. It all depends upon understanding and resolving issues when you want to live with the person for the whole life. We have been married for more than 7 years now and have a toddler. Ours is an interstate marriage and have vast difference in food, culture and language! Initially we too fought a lot mostly because of in laws. My mil was a very interfering woman and created fights between us. To be honest we separated and more than half of the fights and misunderstandings vanished completely. Since we separated from mil we got time to spend with each other alone without any third persons interference and that is why my husband got to accept and appreciate my taste and preference and culture and so do I.

Once we have decided and promised to live together then we try to accommodate ourselves to other persons preferences that doesn’t mean to give in to unscrupulous demands or taking advantage of other persons good. But to make other persons life happy.

 

Separation from ils is not always possible. But its true that life with them is more difficult. They feel bad if we don't follow them and also H feels the same. Either follow everyone and be a great dil and W or have your own life and accept their nonacceptance.

 

Separation from ils is not always possible. But its true that life with them is more difficult. They feel bad if we don't follow them and also H feels the same. Either follow everyone and be a great dil and W or have your own life and accept their nonacceptance.

 

Happy New Year. This state itself must be great relief to your mind and chalk out your next move to get much closer to DH heart. God Bless you.
Regards.

 

Married life get better with time depends how much you understood each other and accepted as an individual. And not trying to change each other but adjusting with each other. There are many killer elements in married life i.e. Ego, superiority complex etc. but in my view, expectation is the biggest killer. I am into my 17th year of married life with two teenage kids, whenever I look back in my initial years of life, I hardly remembers DH ever had a fight with me, though I am being the one who argued a lot, even if he simply agreed to it. Then comes the calmer time where he coolly explained his point of view and after cool discussion we both reached the right decision. By that way I understood, there is no point of heated arguments.

Initial years I did have MIL & FIL part of our family, both were fantastic people & never interfered in our life, rather became facilitator to build our life. I learned a lot from my MIL’s experience of life, I miss her some time.

 

Hi @bulesha

It’s nice to hear that you had a very positive relationship with your in laws. Because most of us had a very nasty taste with in laws

 

Humm.. Yes in a way I am lucky to have cordial relation with in laws but then it need two hand to make a clap. It is all about dominance fight between two women which often bring bitterness. MIL think that she has right over her son, DIL think that her son belongs to her only. Women often says “DH is mama’s boy”, I say so what? He has been with her for years together, loved cared by her. I always thought that if I can listen my mother’s advice, then why not MIL’s, if they give any. After all they are not here to ruin their son’s married life? They have richer experience of life, even without lived in internet age. Though credit goes to MIL also for understanding me as Daughter & not DIL. After 17th year of married life, I am experiencing everything she said about life. Not the money, not the materialist things will give happiness in life, it will be your enjoyed moments with your nears dears & society. “Kal ka hume pata nahi, aur umar bhar ka saaman”

 

I am in 6th year and experienced many of her words that I did not agreed were right. Still I have ego of not accepting all her words as it is. It will make me small if I agree to her and will prove that I don't have my own mind. Marriage is getting better as anger has taken the back side and behaving maturely has become the priority even if everything is not accepted by heart.

 

I think it depends on the way both partners view life, marriage, integrity and what they feel is important.. In the initial years there Is always a bit of friction cos of the bonding between two different thinking individuals. But as time goes by, most of us mature to realize that we are not always right n our partners do too.. once we start valuing the opinion of the other person and truly start respecting them, than we try looking for their viewpoint. When I first got married, I was highly outspoken about what I felt bout my MIL's behavior on some occasions, much to the shock of my well behaved husband... But after all these years, though I still am outspoken,, I've learnt to tone myself down to some extent to avoid hurting others.. And my husband too had realised that I'm not as crazy as I sound, cos most probably I'll have a point in way I'm saying, which he has learnt to glean out.. In the last 8 years, v both have learnt to value each other n be considerate to each other's weaknesses.. However, the truth is that, by God's grace, v never had such bad arguments that made us feel like staying apart at any point. Besides at most points early in our marriage we were too busy with pg, kids n work to attack each other. Iv always had an assurance that no matter what, my husband won't leave cos his commitment to this marriage is in front of God first and then me( I heard him say this once when I had completely infuriated him with my opinion!!)..

 

Shama146,

Yes married life gets better with passage of time. Am not saying your husband will change or you will change but saying married life gets better.
Its normal to fight in beginning. As time passes by, you both will start getting understanding each other better.
or i will say start adjusting with each other.
It took me 12 long years to understand my husband. when were 8 yrs married we thought of taking divorce, but thought lets stay for kids. last year i realized with greater maturity on the reasons why my husbands taunts on somethings so bad. I thought, ok let it go and accepted his demands and cleverly also made him agree mine.

1. Lets say you fight on Inlaws topic. as time passes by, you will start accepting the fact that you cant win on that as he loves his parents and you want to respect his love for them, so you may start being smart and avoid their topics. the inlaws too stop interfering as years pass by.

so the conclusion is you start accepting his flaws more and more as years pass by. More maturity comes in everyone as years pass by and same for men. They say young hot blood. as age passes by, that will calm down. you get more patience so avoid fights.

coming to the love part when you are opposite personalities. yes you will also get more love and realize he probably is more adjusting with you than your own parents or kids.