Does Marriage Gets Better With Time ?

very balanced and sound advise. I like it.
Regards.

 

Thanx...your like really matters a lot...

 

Thanks for the suggestions! I totally agree with what you say. I should not respond to him when he is angry. And I mostly never respond him to him when he is angry. But the problem is he gets irritated, frustrated over minor things even if a child is throwing tantrums or if the house is not at it's best. I always want to keep quiet till the storm passes. But if this is the norm every 2-3 days, it is very hard on me. All I want is some self respect and consideration. Like this time, I did back answer and said something. In short, gave it back. So now he got the taste of him own medicine and feels highly disrespected. He won't go counseling since he says he knows he is right and does not want a third party to give him solutions. So either I am stuck with keeping quiet or apologizing for standing up for myself and making things right. I really am in double minds.

 

Sometimes it happens that one brings so much negativity from outside like from his work place or anywhere he was and after coming back home he want peace. That could be the reason of his irritation. But this practice is not good in long terms. My H do not talk to me or any child when negative things are going on in his mind to avoid further arguments. This is the one thing that my H do and you can also suggest him to do the same. As if we keep quiet at that time then it will be better than the worst cases of fights. Suggest him this when he is in normal mood. Just a suggestion that may work. Let's see what come out.

 

Firstly, hugs to you. Your husband is being grossly unfair. But you want this marriage to work, so I am advising the below. If you are determined to stay in this marriage, I think you should not be sleeping in separate beds.Like @MonikaSG said, you should go to his room after kids have slept.Surprise him with movie plans/outings -if your ego comes in between then tell it's for the kids. Don't feel embarrassed to take as much initiatives as you can- because you want to be in this marriage. Inspite of your mood and atmosphere at home, always take time to dress up very nicely.

If he is not happy with your housework, try to focus on one thing and become expert in that. You don't have to be perfect in everything, but maybe you could learn and master his favourite dishes- Give him atleast one reason where he praise you. I know it's highly unfair to have full-time job, and still do housework alone and then get criticised for not doing perfectly. But I'm telling practically you have to do some very hard work now, so things will get better in long run.

From your side maintain the behaviour as if marriage is good and happy one. Let his anger fall on deaf ears. He will have to come around.

 

Thanks so much for taking time to read and reply to my posts. I am in a very difficult position. He has given me a hard time in recent years and I feel like all my trust and respect towards him has gone away and I don't want to work on the marriage anymore. But this being my 2nd marriage, I cannot give up. And living like strangers under the same roof might be difficult at times especially when kids grow to realize we don't share a normal relationship. I don't know. Feel extremely unlucky in the marriage department.
When things turn normal, I will definitely work towards the solution provided by you. As of now, I feel mad at what all he said to me the other day and looks like he has no regrets. And we don't talk at all.

 

Why don't you go to your home for few days. I always do that when I get too much negative. Being in the same environment all the time cannot change the vibrations. It can only be possible when you start living in different vibrations up to the time your mind gets some energy to start again with its struggle to deal.

 

Itz like preventive maintenance for your limousine. YOU LEAVE IT FOR OVERHAULING and get back to get smooth and dependable/reliable service. It is a good Idea - you can take it as east or west Home is best ( for rejuvenation and or recuperation).
Regards.

 

Hi , If your initial years are not good then the future is also not likely to be great. We have a lot of unhappy marriages in India due to in law interference during initial years. Believe me men never change. Once a mama's boy always a mama's boy. I made the mistake of staying on in my marriage even when things were really bad. Don't make the same mistake. Get out before you have kids.

 

I totally get your point. I walked out of my first marriage coz of the same inlaw situation and I am glad I did. The whole mamas boy situation was unbearable. Right now, I do not have that situation which I am so glad for. That's why I am trying my best to make this work which had both highs and lows. Thanks so much for the input. It makes me feel there are such kind people around to read my problems and give solutions to help out. Thanks!