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Does Living With Inlaws Ever Get Easier?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Kera, May 23, 2018.

  1. Kera

    Kera Gold IL'ite

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    If the choice was up to me, I would be happy to take my household responsibilities and shift. It does not take much work to run a house of 2 people. But moving is not my decision, that is my husband and his families decision. I am not going to risk my marriage by making any stubborn move. So the other option is adjusting and accepting we are one "big family" but if I do that, it means I am happy with the living situation. No one will ever move & I will be the loser who gave up my right to privet place and working in the house to run a family of 8. What do I get out of it by embracing the "happy family" mode?

    My first year of marriage I helped around the house as much as possible. I cooked on the weekend, cleaned kitchen after dinner everyday, tidied up around the house & babysit nephews. Because I believed this was a temporary setting & I wanted us to be in good terms. When it was clear we were not moving.. I told my husband.. "let me know when you are ready to move. but realize this..
    You are benefiting from this living situation because you get kudos from your parents, get to be a good uncle and great brother & give back to your family. Good for you but I am not going to be typical desi women who bust her @$$ taking care of husbands family so he "looks good".
    My BIL and cosis benefit from this living arrangement by getting help with their kids. Someone to look after the kids, take them to school, help with homework, free babysitter..ec
    What do I get out of this set up? If everyone is getting something out of this & hence living like this, I need to get something out too.

    That is when I decided I am done helping around the house. I am not giving. But I do realize how immature it is& unfair to my cosis, who is stuck like me as its not her decision either. So I decided not to eat at the house as much as possible so I am not taking either. I was hoping soon everyone will realize it is a bad idea & we get the blessing to move but time keeps going and I am tired of living like a guest with minimal foot print in the house
     
  2. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    Have you discussed with your BIL / his wife? Nothing wrong in your expectation or asking them politely. ILs in India may not understand but, BIL who lives in USA, can understand.

    Sticky situation.
     
  3. messedup

    messedup Platinum IL'ite

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    Can you ask for separate kitchen at your floor? This way you will be living separately and can treat them as neighbours. Your h will also then minimise his time with them slowly.
     
  4. happydheivanai

    happydheivanai Silver IL'ite

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    If they r not distrubing u ...its good tob onefamily....after u get babies its easy to take careof it ect... or if u dont want justspeake to ur sil she is also girl and she will understand...talk politely
     

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