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Do You Think This Is A Cultural Difference?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Nylaa, Dec 9, 2017.

  1. sweetygal

    sweetygal Bronze IL'ite

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    i had two three instances where i visited without informing prior. these were instances when we went to visit a baby, to a newly built home where i was sure they ll be home and busy. so i just didnt want to burden them. i just asked them if they r at home so we could visit.
    the main rwason behind this is not to burden them. but by reading all these post, i dont know if i did wrong or not.
     
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  2. Nylaa

    Nylaa Silver IL'ite

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    I don't think you did wrong because you asked if they were at home and they told you that they were. Also, those are all occasions where people (well, Desi people) tend have alot of people over and somewhat anticipate having guests over.

    I'm assuming you were visiting for the day? I think that's okay for the most part. The type of visiting I mean with my in-laws is more of a house guest situation where people come from far, have to be picked at the airport and whatnot, and will be staying for a couple of days or more. With that type of thing, I think people should give prior notice.
     
  3. sweetygal

    sweetygal Bronze IL'ite

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    in that case , may be they themselves have not yet charted their visit plans completely. but atleast they gave you a vague idea so that u can start the work like cleaning guest room.
    i dont think they do it purposely to irritate u, just few ppl r there who think differently.i believe i m also someone like them.
     
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  4. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    This is how things used to work traditionally in India. DWs were at home with a full staff who took care of household chores. Extended family came and went as they pleased. It was "home" to all relatives. You don't need an invitation/appointment to go home.

    Occasionally relatives would arrive to find the family out and a lock on the door. No problem. The neighbors would know ETA of the family and would host the travelers meanwhile.

    These days, the hosts lead busy lives and most neighbors neither know nor care. In some areas of the US, neighbors may call the cops if they see strangers hanging out in the driveway or front porch.

    If visitors insist on not calling ahead, they take their chances. Some ILs expect a spare key.
    .
     
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  5. Nylaa

    Nylaa Silver IL'ite

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    You know, the spare key thing wouldn't bother me. My younger brother attends uni nearby and he has a spare key. He drops by on some weekends and, if we're not home, looks after himself (for lack of a better phrase) and doesn't expect to fussed over.

    In my opinion, the problem arises when you don't tell anyone the exact date you're coming AND you expect to be fussed over and that everyone be there when you arrive.
     
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  6. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Don’t know if it’s a cultural difference but it’s defintely offensive to have guests staying over without informing the dates before hand. I am sure they book tickets before hand, so how difficult is it to communicate to the host. We did have a family friend that made it a habit to drop by for lunch/ stay over on the weekend on a short notice. Needless to say, I had few missed calls on my phone.
     
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  7. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    Don't offer it till you know them really well and are sure they won't rearrange your furniture in your absence. :p

    Seriously, if things go south, it would be impossible to change the locks without sparking off a major war.

    That's truly asking for too much. But experience is an amazing teacher. I'll bet your ILs will check their DS's travel plans before their next visit.
    .
     
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  8. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Cultural or not I don't know..but I think it's basic manners and decency to inform the exact date of arrival and other travel details to someone who is going to host u and family..everyone has commitments like family, household chores, office work , medical checkups etc. people dropping over and staying is a total change of routine and lot of additional work for some days, and the host needs to be prepared for making arrangements and free time to host guests..especially if both are working and are leading fast paced life...for those who have kids and following specific schedule of child care, even more tough.
    I would be irritated if a whole family were to drop in at just 1-2 days notice and I had something else planned for those days ( or maybe just not emotionally prepared for hosting and wanted to relax) ..
     
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