Do you approve of the academic pressures placed upon very small children in India?

Swethasri · May 9, 2015

Re: Do you approve of the academic pressures placed upon very small children in India

I watched "neeya naana" last week in vijay tv. its a tamil show, i am not sure you(op) know tamil. i am not a big fan of this show, if a good topic comes then i watch it. its all about the home work time for kids as young as 3 years old whose mothers are explaining how they change as monster "only" in those so called home work time. may be they are exaggerating for the tv, even if you take it 50% what they(mothers)said is very scary. too much stress during those "home work time" too much schedule ....

SilverNGold · May 10, 2015

Re: Do you approve of the academic pressures placed upon very small children in India

Sorry that my posts are being taken the wrong way by some. I married my husband being promised that I could stay home for several years with the children (we are aiming to have a second child within the next couple of years). I guess, with my American upbringing, I just CAN'T get how stressed some of the (both working at SAHM) moms get over issues such as food or studies for small children (I'd only get stressed over either if I had a child with an underlying medical issue or diagnosed learning disability). When my husband's family sees me posting about how I spend my days doing mostly fun stuff with my daughter, I've heard rumors that I'm gossiped about because if a wife's gonna stay at home, she should be cooking, force feeding the kid, and teaching academics and should generally be stressed about if the kids eating enough or learning enough. I married him because I really loved him and on an individual basis, he was very Americanized and we really enjoyed each other's company. We were introduced by family friends and we hit it off! He himself was quite Westernized even when in India and had no problems assimilating here from the start. He was also very cool and easy going about stuff. He makes a very good salary and we also had some financial help from my parents to buy a house so there was no problem with my giving up my lucrative job to stay at home with my daughter. Hubby gives me the freedom in whatever I want to do with my day and even doesn't mind watching our daughter when I go a Ladies night out with other women. But his family is more traditional and has different views than him.

I love both my husband and my daughter with all my heart and couldn't imagine life without them and am very grateful to be able to enjoy my daughter's formative years at home BUT it's hard being dealing with in-laws that judge you from a distance because your not the "homely" homemaker they think of when they hear "stay at home mom". I'm really nervous about the upcoming visit because of how the last one went. I guess you can call me "confused" in the sense I will never really truly understand the Desi way of parenting (including the portions that came from my own parents, LOL).

Happy Mother's Day Everyone!

butterflyice · May 10, 2015

Re: Do you approve of the academic pressures placed upon very small children in India

Oh God, now the definition of desi parenting is "stressed/stressful parenting" while american parenting is "cool as a cucumber parenting"!!

Really @SilverNGold!! I wish you would take the time to get to know people from different nationalities/cultures and economic backgrounds to understand what financial crunch, competition and survival of the best mean!

Again you have a problem with in-laws. Please do not bring Indian/American into this. My American friends have such issues with their very American in-laws as well. DIL judged by MIL and her cronies is a universal issue.

I do not know if you meant for it to sound that way, but your posts come across as pretty condescending to Indians. All the bad things that exist in life come from the Indian shores but the best things in life come from Socal! Life in general is pretty easy in US. 24 hours water supply and electricity is still a dream for most people in India. You can walk into a public school and admit your child into school without any formalities. In India you have to "book" a seat when your child is 2 years old and then appear for interviews. That is the demand-supply issue of schools to the number of kids. I could go on......

I do wish you would take the time to get to know India before passing crass judgements. I do not approve of your in laws judging you. I also do not approve of you judging a billion Indians based on your feelings for your in-laws. In a way both of you are judging others without any need. Your in-laws are judging your parenting and you are judging other parents' parenting!

I came to this thread thinking its going to be an interesting discussion on academics in India but the issue is only an in laws problem. The title of the thread is misleading.

vrikshakadali · May 10, 2015

Re: Do you approve of the academic pressures placed upon very small children in India

Dear @SilverNGold - seems to me you are bringing up your kid just fine ! All this pressure on little ones in India in in the last 3-4 decades only - when I was growing up we were left to our own devices more less and life was less stressful (am a middle aged lady). As others have already pointed out life is much tougher in India than in the West with fierce competition for school and college admissions hence parents perforce have to push their kids to work hard as early in life as possible.

If your in-laws question the learning level of your kid tell them politely she is comparable to other kids her age in US and that the system here is different to that in India.

Mahajanpragati · May 18, 2015

Re: Do you approve of the academic pressures placed upon very small children in India

OP,
I really had good time reading the thread....prejudices never end.

Honestly,you are not worried about the indian or American education system but the upcoming Inlaws visit .....and who can blame you....Inlaws too, poor people have lots of prejudices associated with them....believe me they would be equally worried about American Bahu who won't talk ,cook, dress their way and again believe me that they would have decided to adjust whatever situation they face in their Americianised son's life...

just to assure you if your inlaws can raise an Americianised son staying in India(your words and your hubby )they sure can will be very non judgmental in the life style ,eating habits,education style of their American DIL and child.....atleast in public.
chill.....

satchitananda · May 18, 2015

Re: Do you approve of the academic pressures placed upon very small children in India

You live in the US. You are fine with the system there, your hubby is also fine. The kid is happy, doing fine, the teachers and docs are satisfied with the progress. Great.

Your ILs are critical of you. They base it on their world view. Leave it at that, ignore it and get on with whatever you find comfortable. If you and your husband are on the same page, that is all that matters.

Srama · May 18, 2015

Re: Do you approve of the academic pressures placed upon very small children in India

Dear SilverNGold,

I think you last para in the first post seems to ask opinion on pushing academics in India and your later response seems to point more about your personal concerns with your up coming in law visit and your past experience.

You come across a confident, happy young woman who has made a choice and is following thorough. I would suggest you to keep that in perspective and continue to do what you are doing. You don't have to make excuses and you don't have to feel guilty as well. To give you an example, my grand mother practices Ayurveda and when I had my kids her advice was to follow what the pediatricians here ask me to follow - not that she was disinterested, she was only looking at things in a practical way and she always was a phone call away no matter what time of the day. That advice from her made a lot of sense to me and I grew to be a confident mom. The same thing happened when I took my then 5 month old to India - my FIL to all the people who had suggestions for me simply told them "She has managed her pregnancy, delivery and has come home with an infant from that far. She must be knowing something. Don't mess with her. I don't like it!" I am eternally grateful to him also for that and while I understand not everyone may get that kind of support, all I am trying to say is keep that perspective of the fact that you are doing your best in mind and go forward.

If you are up to it and your child is too, see if you can get her to spend an hour (break down the time say 20 mins each) and ask if grandparents can teach her some shlokas and other things to her. As for eating, I think there is no harm in telling that the school expects her to be an independent eater and leave it at that. There is no point in feeling bad, taking things to heart - it sounds easier said than done and I understand every mom does her best for the child and it would be so nice if people saw that and backed (?) off but that is not the reality.

Don't get into to talks of what happens here vs India even if you are drawn into it. If something is said about how it is done in India, appreciate it with full heart for perhaps that is what works there. At the same time, keep the thought in mind that what you are doing here is what works here, for you your child and your family.

I know it is a difficult feeling not to feel bad at getting judged despite doing your best. But what can we do about it other than not to get it affect us as much as we can. And anyways July is summer break, take advantage of it and have fun - with your kids and in laws.

Best wishes to you.

abla · May 19, 2015

Re: Do you approve of the academic pressures placed upon very small children in India

SilverNGold said: ↑

For me the best part of being a stay at home mom is being able to play with her and enjoy her childhood. Some days, we'll go to the beach, zoo, park, or local library story hour and maybe meet another SAHM there and all hang out together. (best part of being in Southern California is being able to go outdoors almost every day all year round!!! Our weather is the best!!). She is in preschool 3 days a week so during the time she's in school, I may grab coffee with a friend, go shopping, or get some housework done. Then I bring her home and she takes about an hour nap (I usually surf the web while she naps) and then when she wakes up, I spend the afternoon playing with her. I do let her watch a little bit of TV in the evening when I'm cooking dinner (I cook Indian food for my husband and usually American food for my daughter, but sometimes I'll also make a variation of Indian food that she likes like Naan and tandoori chicken). I feel lucky to be a SAHM and wouldn't want it any other way!
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Hi @SilverNGold, Looks like you made the choice to be a SAHM because you felt it is the best for your child . Do you care if anyone here or in your life approves or disapproves of your choice ? Your kid,your life ,you will pick what is best suited for her and your family .

Same way I think mom's in India or U.S can decide whether to push their kids to academic success early on or not depending upon what they want .Who are we to approve or disapprove of their choices ?

sindmani · Aug 24, 2017

Sorry to open this thread again , be it in India or US or any where in the world, pushing a child to get so n so mark or 1st rank is going to make the child weaker emotionally.However bright student the child can be, THEY NEED NOT COME FIRST ALWAYS(IT IS ACCEPTED).

stephanjohn · Sep 14, 2017

I did my schooling under ICSE board and I had all the time in the world to build blocks, paint walls, go fishing, climb trees. Lets not Compare! That's all I would say.