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Do Kids Birthday Parties Create Comparison?

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by Vedhavalli, Aug 21, 2018.

  1. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Gold IL'ite

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    Hi mommies,
    My kid has been attending friends birthday parties mostly her age or 1-2 lesser or above.
    Normally she is good, motivated child.
    When she attends parties of her exact age group kids with places like trampoline park, thematic, with entertainers, mini train kind of. Kid is asking me why we can't have such parties.
    I don't believe in unwanted showoff parties, rather I'm a simple person, who spend money for a orphan child's education , give donation on birthdays , anniversaries... when in India will provide lunch for a orphanage.
    Go to Temple, eat in restaurant or invite kids friends and our friends for a home party. We celebrate milestone birthdays...
    I keep telling my child, there are so many less previliged children are there, we have to help them...

    I know my child is 4, can't understand big things ... How do I impart in that mere big parties are waste of money and time?

    P.s : this is my personal opinion on big parties for 2-11 yr olds. Celebrating big parties with 200 odd People is owns choice, I'm not judging.
     
    sindmani likes this.
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  2. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi @Vedhavalli,

    I know you sought opinion from the mommies but I took the liberty to address this question with whatever little experience I had in raising my son. You are on the right track about making the child aware of less privileged children. It is difficult for the children to understand the difference between what is noble and what is lavishness. Continue to have simple birthday parties inviting her friends and treat all children the same way you treat your own child. All gifts should be equal to all the children. If the function to celebrate birthday is in a particular weekend or on the birth date, arrange for distribution of sweets, clothes, food, etc. in the orphanage the previous weekend. That communicates indirectly that giving to the less privileged children is very important.

    When I performed upanayanam in 1998 for my child back in Chennai after he migrated to the US in 1995, he was not able to understand the significance of the event. In order to make him feel good about the celebration, we have arranged upanayanam for 3 other children whose parents were unable to perform the event. All four parents including us sat on the podium and all our relatives and three children's relatives watched and blessed the children. It was so nice to see all visitors distributing gifts to all four children.

    Viswa
     
  3. BerryPine

    BerryPine Gold IL'ite

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    Yeah they do compare but eventually they'll be fine.
    Charity begins at home,neglecting own kid's wish for serving unknown child's need isnt a convincing ans esp for her age. Instead try saying our family doesnt throw such big parties,every family is different,it's not good habit to ask by seeing others.
    Believe you're not quoting theirs as 'show off parties' to your child.
    Are you not celebrating her birthday now with a simple small gathering(her friends/family)?

    May be you should make her 5th birthday a big blast.

    But what makes you think big parties are waste of money and time? After all we are doing it for our beloved ones.
     
  4. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    What makes you think that parents throwing lavish parties for their kids do not do charity ? Why do we need to feel better about ourselves because we donate to orphanages ? One of the tenets of Sikhism is to share one’s wealth and do community service. The goal is not to feel superior . This is the least we can do.
     
    sindmani, yellowmango, kkrish and 4 others like this.
  5. nivu

    nivu Senior IL'ite

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    I

    You can have a grand theme party at home without spending much money . You can decorate the home using DIY stuffs .There are many videos on YouTube where people can create same effect as event planners for less .It requires planning and time though .You can cook at home to save money , you can arrange some interesting games for the kids and all these will make your child happy and at the same time you would not break your bank account.


    Lastly I respect that you want to celebrate your child’s birthday in a simple manner but there is no need to judge others because they want to spend lavishly on their kids birthday and assume they don’t do any charity and use all their money on parties .What is luxury to you might be necessity for someone and vice versa so it’s not wise to make such statements .
     
    sindmani, Giri12, yellowmango and 2 others like this.
  6. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    True
     
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  7. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    My dad celebrated every birthday party of mine till I was 14 like a wedding literally! Honestly I don't remember any of those except some vague instances..and I do not care also..

    The first birthday party for my kids were grand that too out of compulsion.After that it is just relatives..

    I like a small crowd with people we love..birthdays are just a day and then will be forgotten.Wasting money either for birthdays or weddings is something I do not comply plus entertaining so many people tires me..I do not like these celebrations and again it is my personal choice.

    Any functions I have celebrated is only with people I love.

    call her friends home and celebrate..kid will enjoy that and just be honest when you speak to your child.Do not try to pet her..just be honest..thats what I feel.sooner or later she will understand.
     
    sindmani, Vedhavalli and Viswamitra like this.
  8. Sangeeta85

    Sangeeta85 Gold IL'ite

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    Exactly my thought’s too ..
    Do not judge ppl..what they want to do th their money is none of anyone’s business ..
     
    peartree and shravs3 like this.
  9. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Since she is small she won’t know things about money.

    When we were kids , when our friends used to get some attractive pencils , erasers , etc dint we ask our parents for such things? Sometimes Parents would not buy thinking it’s a waste of money..
    But some kids are very stubborn , until they get what they won’t they keep throwing tantrums .

    We wouldn’t have known our financial situation at all ( Some kids do know).



    But not all parents do show off by throwing lavish parties. They want their kids to be happy so they arrange such grand parties and who knows their kids would have asked parents for such themed parties so to fulfill their kids wishes even they might do such things.

    But slowly kids will realise what is required and what is not
     
    sindmani, yellowmango and Viswamitra like this.
  10. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    Dear @Vedhavalli,

    As you know, it is not fair or easy to offer explanation to your kid and I think you should not. It is natural for kids to ask about others but at the same time, it is very easy for them to accept what we do and how we do - more than we even realize. I personally think it is more important for kids to understand 'this is our (family's) style/system' - You can come up with your own simple special theme. One of the things that worked for me real well was inviting one kid more than the child's age and in their age group (so a two year old will have three more kids other than himself in his party). While we attended other bigger parties, I also had friends who celebrated the way I did. So it worked well for me.

    You seem to be doing the right things as far as what value system you want for your family - celebrating in a simple (the way you want) way, milestone birthdays etc. Now simply accept/assume that your child might be asking out of curiosity even and might forget the next moment. There is no need to elaborate on this either to your child or to yourself.

    Best wishes.
     
    sindmani, Amica, Anisu and 3 others like this.

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