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Do I Really Want To....

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by MonikaSG, Apr 9, 2018.

  1. MonikaSG

    MonikaSG Platinum IL'ite

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    Do i really want my kids to grow up or they should always wake up so innocent and look for the mother. I will miss the hugs and kisses that they are ready to shower on me anytime. Who else in the world want me this much. They made me the most important person on earth. Many times i feel did i missed any of their sweet moment. Their father is jealous on me as i get the chance to capture all these that he missed due to his job. I feel myself the luckiest person on earth who can survive without job and spend all the time with kids. The times i scolded them i feel i should have more patience and feel bad at my part. They are just kids. How do they know i am tired or not and its time or space to do their nautanki or not. All they want is smile short stories to divert their mind hugs kisses and good food and proper sleep. Oh forgot to mention chips chocolates toffees frooti too. What will i miss. All the debates that i have to do to make them eat food instead of chips, convincing them to bath without wasting much water, then taking them into towels when they hold me like monkey and say leave your hands and show mirror, saying all the stories and dramas to make them wear clothes, convincing them to brush, to do homework. Sometimes they spread food or water for which i scold them and they laugh. Run behind each other and laugh. Watching this is the best blessing. Was waiting desperately for them to grow up but now feeling why they have to grow up.
     
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  2. GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Monika,

    You have captured every mother's dilemma, wish and happiness beautifully. Nobody can give us that kind of love or hugs and nobody else enjoys that kind of freedom to exploit or manipulate us too.:) Girls mostly continue to shower the same level of physical love and they respond better to our emotions at all ages better than boys. As boys grow, they are less emotionally or physically responsive but they will be very protective and can make you feel like a princess! Whatever I mentioned is a general observation, individual variations will always be there.

    I sometimes miss the baby days of my son a lot and wish I could rewind and relive those moments once again...but this is not possible and at such times I sit with old albums enjoying and reliving those moments. SAHMs are definitely lucky here as they literally get to see every moment of their children's growing years:) Another side of the coin is, as they grow up, your physical strain and stress reduces and it gets replaced by mental stress ;)
     
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  3. MonikaSG

    MonikaSG Platinum IL'ite

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    My elder son went to school after almost a month. All those days i was feeling like when will his school will reopen so that i get the time to breathe. But today i felt like i have nothing to do. Have to setup a new routine and everything that i want to do now.
     
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  4. satinder11

    satinder11 New IL'ite

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    Hi all,

    This is the same thinking on my end. My son is now 13.5 yrs old and i feel so lost as i cant get those moments again. Cute hug and kisses like earlier. He is the only son and now i am not able to handle the teenage issues and changes in him. He is brilliant in studies. Also we live in a joint family but now he has become little aggressive and sometimes i just cant manage and cry. Any suggestions are welcome
     
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  5. GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

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    Teen tantrums! This is an age when they work with incomplete informations. They are under the influence of fluctuating hormones, study pressure can also be quite stressful for them. Under these conditions some of my suggestions would be
    1.Be clear about his potential and don't pressurise him to be like someone else.
    2. Irrespective of his behaviour, during his calmer periods reaffirm your love and concern for him. Encourage him to speak his mind and you too might state the behavioural limits to him . Since he is calmer, he is likely to respond positively.
    3. Reinforce loving gestures and practices when he is calmer so that it sort of binds him when he is angry and fragile.
    4. If you can extract what is the trigger point, you will be able to deal better.
    5. Psychologists identify Oppositional behaviours in some. That is, due to certain chemical imbalances or faulty thinking, some people especially teens develop disrespect for authoritative figures and wilfully disrespect rules, break them etc. In this process, they can be unreasonably aggressive, violent and may even break law, get into forbidden things like anti-social behaviours, drugs etc. I am just sharing the information. Please don't assume or presume anything. If your child doesn't respond to love or reason, don't hesitate to see a psychiatrist. He would be able to analyse and help your son cope with whatever issues he has. There is no shame in seeing a mental health professional, just be discreet.
    6. What is your joint family dynamics? Any negative element, influence, abuse...?

    With time many issues settle down on their own but when the child is already in teens you don't have much time to wait. In a couple of years he will also be facing the dreaded 10th exams! So take positive steps, believing in yourself and your upbringing. All the best.
     
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2018
  6. MonikaSG

    MonikaSG Platinum IL'ite

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    I too live in joint family and from my experience i can say that a child has to handle many different equations with many people that is sometimes become stressful.
    A teenager wants to feel as elder and do not like to see others treat him like a kid. He want his position and want others to take his words very seriously. You have to be confident and mature and take him as a mature elder. You have to give him liberty but he should inform you everything. Never show you dont trust him but keep an eye on him. Kids also want to have their parents to be best among all as parent want them to. The more you improve on yourself the more likable and trustworthy you will become.
     

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