Do I Have Too Much To Handle?

@Rakhii this is what I'm doing today.. and shameless to say it

 

@Rakhii
I am one such mum who thinks its perfectly okay to skip a class here and there and decides on the fly to eat McDonalds or buy some donuts or ice cream or just skip a class and sit at home and do nothing.

To answer your question - yes you have too much to handle but I guess most mums do.
I think it all comes down to what you can do before hand to make you less stressed. I was once like you - always in the grind of cooking, cleaning, feeding, lunch packing, cooking, cleaning, feeding, lunch packing, cooking.... with the added pleasure of kids activities - and just what I need to make my life perfect - I have a full time job.

We leave home each day at 6:35 am and we get home only at 6:00pm
Both kids go to before and after care.
Kids get up at 5:30 and are out in the car by 6:35am.
So if I am not organised, its going to be a mess.

I have figured out recently that the only way to get more time with kids is to make sure my evenings are free every day so that I can fit in quick gym session, help kids with homework and easy dinner time with family.
So I started doing the following and it works for me. I am not saying this has to be the case for every woman out there. But it works for me.

Every Wednesday I order grocery online and pick it up(click and collect) on the way to home on Thursday. (we have a supermarket close to home).
On Friday I reach home at 6:00 pm and quickly change into comfy wear and have a strong coffee with DH.
Kids will have a shower and eat some snack. The only time they are allowed TV or any device is Friday, Saturday and Sunday for a couple of hours. Weekdays is no device policy unless homework demands a device.
So they settle in front of the TV.
It would be around 6:30-6:40pm by now. Now I start cooking for the upcoming week. I would have decided before hand what is the menu for the next week before I ordered grocery. So I know what I need to make and I know I have everything to make what I need to make.
It would be 8:30--9:00 pm by the time I finish one or two veg curries and one or two non veg curries.
and I freeze those curries. I am sorted for the next week dinners. To go with the curries, its usually rotis (store bought - i dont make rotis each night) or rice .
Friday dinner is usually leftovers from the fridge.
I take a hot shower and watch a movie with DH and my fav glass of wine or a chilled beer.

I spend some time over one weekend a month to bulk make some sandwiches (Tuna , ham and cheese, peanut butter and jam, chicken and cream cheese), frittatas and muffins.-- thats for kids lunch boxes. I bulk make these so I know their lunches are sorted for a few weeks. Kids love helping me in making the sandwiches. I even make pancakes and freeze them. I make meat balls too.
I freeze them all after labelling them. - this way I have kids lunches sorted for a few weeks.

To go with usual breakfast I boil 10 eggs - (one each for kids for 5 weekdays) and put them in the fridge.
Fruits are packed for the whole week in small boxes - for all four of us. We know we must pick one each in the morning.
School snacks is bought in bulk boxes - like the 20 mini packs - they know they need to take one each.

When we come home in the evening, DH and I take alternate days to go to gym.
We know food is ready and we only have to heat it. We help kids with HW and by the time the one who went to gym is back and shower is over - kids HW is done, showers are done, food is on the way to be heated. We eat together and talk about our day. We all clean up together after dinner. Kids get into beds with whatever they are reading and we settle with what we have to finish (be it work, calling India or chatting with friends or just reading a book or H and I spending time for ourselves)

We eat out once a week - say some KFC or some cheap eats but not the fine dine ones. The fine dine is for special times
We don't fall sick due to cheap eats because we eat home food all other times.

I have been doing this from past 4-6 months and its working for me.
I am a mom of two kids DD 11 and DS 7. They have activities like art lessons, swimming, basketball, keyboard(DD) and drums(DS) and tuition apart from school.

Also moved all the activities such that we get quality time every evening.
Arts teacher comes home to teach, every Wednesday
Basketball , Swimming happen Saturday mornings and Tuition on Saturday noon.
Sunday mid day is music.
All of these activities are their fav ones, apart from tuition.
DD needs help with maths.
DH and I use those 2 hours(while kids are at tuition) to catch up over a coffee and cake or just at home - trying to use that time to build our relationship. We dont want to forget that we are wife and H first and then mom and dad.
A few years laters its us both again when kids grow up and move out. Its important for us to keep our friendship alive. Romance might fade with age and we believe that friendship does not.

It might appear that DH does not help. Food is not enough for the house to run, theres vacuum cleaning, laundry, dishwasher, lawn moving, bill payments - some online and some money transfers to India, and relationship maintenance work with relatives in India, car wash as well. Here is where DH and kids pitch in. We have a chore chart - everyone has a job to do at home everyday - the duties are rotated - including the toilet cleaning and sheets changing - kids must do and NO we don't pay them for doing their jobs. The idea is simple - they don't get paid to be a responsible member of the family.

 

Wow such a understanding family, anyone would long for!

 

make me guilty

When do you couple fight

 

LOL we are in the recovery phase after a fight, as I type this.
We fight but I apologise first - irrespective of whose mistake it is !
For me making memories is important than satisfying my ego. I don't mind saying sorry but its not applicable for everyone. There are some people for whom my ego can take backseat.

So i just sent a text to H saying , "I know marrying you is the best thing I did. But the fight was really nasty. I am sorry. I just want us to be us again." and got a reply "I know you are stressed at work and you do a lot for the kids. It was an awful fight, lets open a wine tonight and watch a comedy flick. We'll be fine soon. Dont stress."

We do have nasty days.. we do have awful fights. Its just that I choose to look beyond it. "Will this fight matter 6 months later? 1 year later? 5 years later? Will this fight matter if I know that this is my last day with him ?"
Obviously NO. So why hold the grudge or pain or try to satisfy the ego ?? For whose sake ?

But in all the fight..trying to be organised helps me deviate from replaying the hurt over and again in my head and helps keep the negative thoughts at bay.

 

its not understanding da.
Its that they know they dont have a choice.
If they dont clean the toilet, I dont clean for them.
If they dont vacuum, neither will I.
Basically, I dont cover for them. They have to cover for themselves.

Kids did not clean the toilet the other week. It was not smelling amazing - what do they expect ? that the toilet smells itself magically ? or that they pee and poop fragrances ??
They came with wrinkled noses saying that their toilet does not smell great !
I said, "Oh is it !! May be it deserves a clean. Clean it and tell me if it still smells"

They made a face. I said "you are not allowed to use my toilet without a proper reason - like the other toilet is busy etc."
They knew they had no choice. They cleaned it.
Now DD comes and tells me it was good that their toilet was clean because we had a friend come over with her DD - who had to use the bathroom.

 

May be I am not one of those good mums who calls her kids Sweetheart, darling, honey etc but I know I am preparing my kids towards being responsible for the things they use - be it a food plate or the toilet.

Also I guess kids are a bit older now. One day, before all the meal planning and chore chart came in our lives, I told them in the morning that we will need to talk after work that night.
After dinner, I got them all - DH, DD and DS and listed the things that need to be done to run this family - including cooking and asked them who is ready to do all that because I decided I am not doing it anymore.
I guess thats when they realised.
I said I am not doing anything here onwards. I will come home, go to gym and dinner should be ready. I will get up and go to work - they must make their Brkfst and sort out their stuff and not just that but get my work clothes sorted too.
They were quiet.
I said how unfair it was to expect me to be responsible for 3 people and for myself too.
I told them I am DONE.
Then DH came up with chore chart.
Every morning we get up look at our jobs for the day and get that done.
I dont micro manage.
I learnt to take it easy of its not done according to my standard and my preference.
As long as I don't need to do it, I am okay.

There were all sorts of arguments (DD is 11 - pre teen drama is full on at times). I keep my cool and say what I have to say. I stopped shouting and screaming, and hey ! the job is done.
H was not very happy. But the idea is not to make him happy. The idea is to get them do the work - irrespective of them doing it happily or not. Once they started doing it they realised how much bloody work I do to keep the house clean, hygienic and to get food on the table every damn day.
We are peacefully doing our chores after our share of disagreements, arguments, fights and ifs and buts.
Now they know its not easy. Now they help out of their own will.
Its just that they needed to know that I can give up too and doing everything is not my fancy but a favour that I do for them.

 

Just Excellent!!!